magica33 Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 This is my first time writing here, but I've been reading this blog for quite some time. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel really lost. So, I actually met him at university, I had the biggest crush on him, I asked him out after a few years, cause we spent hours chatting online. He said no, he was with somebody, I moved on. Time went by, I met people too, but one day, he talked to me at the right time, and we went on a date, exactly two years ago (today it would be our anniversary, and it's just so hard to take!). Ever since we are together, we've known that I would be moving to another country after two years almost... so that was always in the back of our minds, but we always came up with plans for things to work out. We spent a wonderful year together, I became pretty possessive, we had our fights, usually because of facebook or something... he got sick of it and broke it off last november. He didn't wanna give it a 2nd chance at first, he was upset, really really mad (I guess he just needed time). I blamed myself, for loosing the perfect man; he's been the only person I've ever been in love with so much, and with whom we had planned so much. We didn't live together, but we sorta did (he had his place, I had mine, we had each other keys, etc). Well, back to the break up, I felt like crap, specially knowing that I would be moving away a few months after... it made me reconsider everything, and in some point I thought it might had been better that way, but I just mainly felt I had let my best chance at happiness for life slip away... I guess I became TOO dependable, and I have to say, I am a really insecure girl... I've been cheated on before. Anyhow, I tried to get him back, didn't work, and so I stopped talking to him... christmas and new year went by, which made things a little bit harder, but I started moving on, until he contacted me, and said that wanted us to be better. He was so sure about the break up, and I couldn't believe it. I went back. It took us a lot of work to get back on track, but we did it (or thought we did!), two great months went by, and I had to leave, really stressful for me. I got here, to another country, far, far away from him, and I couldn't bare being so far apart. I got REALLY depressed, I missed everything from home, I hated this new place, but for legal reasons I had to stay here for at least six months... and because it is better here than there (economy wise) We had no plans ahead anymore, because after the 1st breakup he wanted to take it slow. I couldn't handle the situation without any future plans, it was stressing me out like crazy, we would skype and I would cry, for months, but he seamed pretty calm. 3 months after being away I decided that I wasn't ok with this, I would put up with the 6 months, and then go home... he wanted to come visit but he couldn't do it after the 6 months here, because of work reasons. So we came up with the plan (or I guess I did really) that he would travel here (now, we were two months away form the plan and he hadn't gotten his VISA nor plane ticket, and it also made me think a lot!) , enjoy our time here and then go back home together. After coming up with that plan, I was a lot less stressed out and depressed. I felt way better, but things started to change on his side. He started showing less and less interests (in the way he talked, cause that's all we had!) and I would just ask him, what's up?? Because I didn't understand and I was really far away, it would make me feel really insecure (I did trust him in every way and he did trust me, that was for sure). So, we told me to back off a little, I did, even though it took me a lot of work, I guess I didn't back off enough... and we had little fights, about how he didn't show any interests... I guess I became demanding, and we were both feeling pretty ****ty about being far away, frustrated and tired...and I felt he was upset all the time... there was a little thing I told him that bugged me... and I always thought we could tell everything to each other, but I guess I was wrong all along, and he just flipped. After that, he didn't wanna talk anymore, until 2 days ago he broke it off through chat. He said he put in everything he could and that's it. In a sense, it makes things easier for me here, now I have new plans, of moving to other cities, but on the other hand... I still want him back. I feel stupid by saying that, but I do. I asked him if it was just the distance and he said it was a sum of things... I said I love you, he said he cared about me. I asked him if it would change anything if I was there, he said I wasn't there... and I asked, what if you had me in front of you right now? would it change anything? He said no.... but then again, he always believed I was better far off over here, just for my future and my career. He always said that if it was him, he wouldn't come back, and he never wanted me to go back home because of him. I didn't want to because of him, but just because I didn't feel ok here. We only had a few months ahead of us... and he couldn't bare the distance and the sadness anymore. He told me he was sick of being depressed and sad, even though he never really showed it, "just to make things easier for me", but things didn't have to be easy, we just had to be there for each other. My 6 months will be over in a month and a half, and I feel the urge to go back home (just to visit though) and surprise him, and see what's up. See his reaction, and if it would change anything being face to face. At some point I feel it wouldn't, but then again, I did feel that the last time, and we got back together. This time is different though, it's easier to forget, cause we are both far away and tired, really tired. He said that being far away he only put up with the bad stuff and didn't get any good stuff out of it, but I think, if it's thru good and bad, if you're there thru the bad, you'll be there thru the good, always. After he broke it off, I said I love him, and that I understood everything, and that was it. I miss talking to him (we used to talk ALL the time, which I though it wasn't good for us, I tried backing off before, because our conversations stopped being interesting and it became really frustrating for me; he disagreed). I don't wanna talk to him, I don't really know what to say or anything, so I figured NC would be good, for me to think, and for him to do so too, but I can't help but wonder in the back of my head, what would he miss from me if the latests MONTHS that we've been together haven't been good at all? I blame frustration and depression. And a little myself for being insecure. I am disappointed, but I can't get so many dreams and plans out of my head, and I am so in love with him, that I can't let go. I don't know if I should go visit him, RISK it all, or at least say goodbye, cause this doesn't feel like it. He let go of me, in a place I feel like such a foreigner, and so alone it hurts already by itself, this doesn't make it better, not even close. Grow here, or go back, risk it... without being certain of anything, but to look each other in the eyes and say what comes out. I think he would just not want anything else with me, but I just can't leave a fight halfway. S.O.S, I need advice. Thank you.
TMichaels Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Yeah, I think you should go back and visit him. Seeing him with another girl and getting on with his life perfectly well without you is likely to be the cold splash of water that you need. Best, TMichaels
justwhoiam Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I have no idea where you're at now. I assume you're a foreigner who studied in his country for a while and now you're back home. I'm not sure while you call his country your home. Anyway, if that's the situation, he probably was not looking for a long-term relationship since the beginning. Maybe you tried to force and push things further a bit too much. I guess I wouldn't have the guts to show up at his door after a long time of no contact. I would think he moved on. And it might be painful too, especially if I saw him with someone else...
Author magica33 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 I am from another country (same as his) and I moved to the US a few months ago, just for the heck of it, because I won a residency.
TMichaels Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I am from another country (same as his) and I moved to the US a few months ago, just for the heck of it, because I won a residency. Are you serious? Do you know how many people would kill to be in your position? A chance to do a residency in America and all you can think about is some guy who you had to chase in order to get him interested in the first place and had the indecency to break up with you *via chat?!* Time to start thinking with your head instead of your heart and thighs, my dear. And thought Number One should be how to overcome your lack of self-esteem which no doubt is a big part of the reason why you hook up with men who aren't as interested in you as you are them. Best, TMichaels
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