NasalFloss Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Hi guys, been lurking here for the past week reading through all your experiences and have decided that I've had it pretty easy as far as breakups go based on some of the stories here. I'm 29 and my ex was 21 years old. Anyway I was wondering if you would mind shedding some light on the possible reason why my ex decided to leave me 2 weeks ago? We had been seeing each other for 15 months and for the last 2 months of it my ex had been acting weird when it came to making love. She suffers from a weak immune system which leaves her sick a lot of the time and we hadn't made love for around 5 weeks due to her having a 'kidney infection', headaches and glandular fever apparently, even after she's already had it once. On pointing out the fact that when you've had it once you can't get it again she said it was because of her dodgy immune system. We moved in together 2 months ago and she moved out after 6 weeks. I got the bombshell when I was sitting in the bedroom and she walks in through the front door, straight into the room and immediately says 'We need to talk. I'm not happy and you're not happy. I'm moving back to my parents'. I immediately said 'so is that it then? What about the flat?' She she stated that she will still be paying her bit (we are in a lease for another 4 months together) but won't live here. Her reason for leaving is 'we live 2 separate lives and it's horrible'. I then asked her how long she had felt this way and she said before we had moved in together! 'Why did you move in with me then'? 'Because I thought everything would be ok if we lived together'. WTF? I bit the bullet and asked her if she was seeing someone else and she said 'do you think I would do that to you'? I didn't answer. I didn't think she would walk in dump me and leave in the space of 5 minutes either. A few days before all this happened she had texted me and said that she loved me and wanted us to get married and have a future together! The last thing I said to her was 'See the next fella you meet? Don't tell him that you want to get married to him and all this stuff when you don't'. She chucked some stuff in a carrier bag and walked out. Talk about f******g with someones emotions! Yeah I work crappy shifts but we still get to spend some time together through the week and she didn't complain that we weren't spending enough time together when we saw less of each other when we lived in seperate places :-S I'm convinced that this is BS. Since we moved in she had been glued to her iPhone playing stupid games (I mean for hours), her iPad or was out of the house when we had an opportunity to spend quality time with each other. Looking back now I wonder if she was just blanking me. She liked this flat so much out of the center of town that I went along with it. She actually refused to sit next to me on the sofa because she said it wasn't comfy and opted to sit in a separate single armchair the whole time she lived here! I honestly don't know what I've done wrong. It didn't help things that her family didn't like me even though they and her would never admit it. They blanked me every time I was over like I wasn't there and didn't attempt to make any conversation. I was only over there about a half dozen times and hated every minute of it. Her Mum would also have a glass or two of wine and be rude, but would be defended by my ex because 'she thought she was being funny'. Directing thinly veiled jibes at me is inexcusable whether you're sober or not. It all got to a point that I became apathetic towards her sexually as she never even initiated a cuddle towards me over the final month of the relationship. Now I'm rattling about on my own in this flat away from my friends and easy access to work for the next 4 months (I don't drive). I'm not the best at explaining things, if you need me to clarify or elaborate on points I've made please let me know. Thanks in advance. Quite confused right now and need some sort of answer or theory to help me close the book on this. I've went NC for the past 2 weeks, the exception being a couple of texts to arrange for her to shift her stuff out, but it's been hard to stop myself from contacting her. Feel quite gutted after all this and keep asking myself what did I do wrong? Maybe it was the shifts, maybe it was me being indifferent at times, maybe it was her parents putting pressure on her, maybe she was seeing someone, or maybe she's just too young and immature to know what she wants. There are so many variables here that I'm completely in the dark. 1
groupergirl Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I am taking a stab here, you said it in about the first 2 sentences. You are 29 and she was 21. That is really what it boils down to. Sorry you feel bad. Just not sure why she moved in? I mean she seemed miserable from the start.
Author NasalFloss Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 (edited) I am taking a stab here, you said it in about the first 2 sentences. You are 29 and she was 21. That is really what it boils down to. Sorry you feel bad. Just not sure why she moved in? I mean she seemed miserable from the start. It kind of slots into the timeframe of us putting down a deposit before we moved into the flat. I'd already handed in my notice from my previous and had nowhere to go so I had to move in. I put it down initially to her genuinely not feeling well, plus she'd been having a hard time at work and was clashing with parents/siblings at the time. I don't understand why she moved in either. I think it was because I put down a holding deposit that, if I backed out I would have lost £200 and she would have felt bad? Who knows? Edited July 28, 2013 by NasalFloss
Author NasalFloss Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 I think I should also add that when I asked her if moving in with me is really what she wanted she said ' I would have put down a couple of hundred pounds for a deposit if I wasn't'. I kept asking her if there was anything wrong and she kept saying no and the fact that her ex treated her like **** ****, even using physical violence on her when I've never lifted a hand to her, got into a serious argument with her or shouted at her and then she can just turn her back on me as easily as she did him out of the blue in the space of 5 minutes... no dating for me for a while. Confused.
GB25 Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 As the above poster mentioned this is a pretty significant age gap. Now age gap relationships arent always a big deal but with 29 and 21 these are two ages where the individuals involved are at a pretty different life stage and the younger person generally wants to experience "life".just my two cents
Author NasalFloss Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 Cheers, better off without her I think. It was all becoming a bit of a chore and whilst I'm marginally annoyed still, the post was more about other peoples interpretation of events, as I don't have a clue. I'm more and more convinced now that it was just down to a silly young girl that didn't know what she was getting into (first time living away from home too) and then there's part of me that is cursing myself for getting into a relationship with someone of that age. Thanks for the posts.
Bozena Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Well I think the reason is what she told you. You are 29 and she is 21 so she cannot think so mature. I believe she already had those feelings before moving on but for some reason she believed that if you move on together everything will be change. In fact I have a friend that when she was 23 she was dating a 30 year old guy for 2 years. So she came one day and she told me that there is no passion between them and she loves him, but it is more of a sibling love than a real love but she still wants to be with him. And also that she avoid of having sex and prefer to watch movies or play cards. This continued for some months and then she told me that she is going to move on. I asked her how come, you seem more ready to break up with him rather than moving with him and she told me that if she moves there she believes that she will stop boring. Well at least she tried it, they stayed 6 months together before she took the decision to break it off. I am 30 and so my friend now and when we discuss about it she says that at that time. because she only had one serious relationship before, she couldn't understand that she was bored of the relationship and she thought that this was the person that she was going to spend her life because she has a genuine interest about him and she really did love him. And she still does but only as a friend.
Author NasalFloss Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 (edited) Well I think the reason is what she told you. You are 29 and she is 21 so she cannot think so mature. I believe she already had those feelings before moving on but for some reason she believed that if you move on together everything will be change. In fact I have a friend that when she was 23 she was dating a 30 year old guy for 2 years. So she came one day and she told me that there is no passion between them and she loves him, but it is more of a sibling love than a real love but she still wants to be with him. And also that she avoid of having sex and prefer to watch movies or play cards. This continued for some months and then she told me that she is going to move on. I asked her how come, you seem more ready to break up with him rather than moving with him and she told me that if she moves there she believes that she will stop boring. Well at least she tried it, they stayed 6 months together before she took the decision to break it off. I am 30 and so my friend now and when we discuss about it she says that at that time. because she only had one serious relationship before, she couldn't understand that she was bored of the relationship and she thought that this was the person that she was going to spend her life because she has a genuine interest about him and she really did love him. And she still does but only as a friend. Thank you for you time for such an in depth response. I feel a lot better now that I've possibly identified the problem and I'm gonna date within a reasonable age bracket. We just clicked when we met but people change and want different things as time goes on I guess. Much appreciated. Going to just enjoy being single for a while now. I've been in relationships for a while now and have forgotten what its like to be me, on my own with nobody to answer to! Edited July 28, 2013 by NasalFloss
flitzanu Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I bit the bullet and asked her if she was seeing someone else and she said 'do you think I would do that to you'? quite possible. and i think you know that too, since you chose not to respond when she said this. you don't answer a question WITH a question, it just adds suspicion...but to be honest, i'd say this is likely the reason, more often than not, it's always about seeing someone else.
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