No Contact to get previous lover back - ridiculous

[flitzanu]

Just been reading about these 'ways' to get your ex back, using No Contact - I can't lie, I actually used to think these things would work, and have been known to follow them, to the letter! But now - I can't think of anything more ridiculous! How would not speaking to someone get them back?! They would not be thinking about you, they would be moving on (out of sight, out of mind) and if they WERE to contact you, it would merely be an ego boost for them, to know that they've still got you hanging on.

 

The only way to get an ex back is if they or you both decided that you wanted to try again - not by ignoring them and uploading pictures to FB of you and some random woman/guy having a good time.

 

If anyone reading this is thinking of trying this - don't. It doesn't work, and you'll go nuts thinking about whether they care, or not. Trust me.

 

that's actually good that you understand this, since NC is not intended to "win your ex back". it is meant to break your addiction and help you heal as an individual.

[aloneinaz]

My view is this- NC works when you're dumped and WANT TO MOVE ON to heal yourself. My toxic ex broke up with me several times when she'd get pissed off about something stupid. In each case, I went back after her after a couple of weeks and we'd get back together again. So, making contact after being dumped can work as well. Does making contact after being dumped guarantee a successful reconciliation. Hell no.. She broke up with me yet again 2 months ago and that was FINALLY enough for it to sink into my thick skull that this girl was bad news and I should of dumped her for good months ago.

 

I always say dumpee's have power in this equation as well. She ended it AGAIN. I was F'ing done! I got my stuff back 2 days later and she hasn't heard a peep from me since. You ended it but I now have the power to decide if I want to chase you again or move on or.. give you another chance if you miss me and want me back.. No one can tell me it hasn't hurt her pride or ego when I didn't chase her again this time like so many times in the past. I know for a fact that she has to be thinking about me A LOT, even if she was DONE w/me at the end.

They can't turn off a switch and forget about a 1.4 year relationship after a couple of months, especially if they haven't met anyone and are spending lots of time by themselves and are lonely.

 

The best part for me is, she was on the same dating site as I for a couple of weeks a month ago. You can't delete profiles. I then met someone I really like and have been dating her since. I removed my profile from the site. She knows my history and knows I do that when I've met someone and am only dating them. Meanwhile, a buddy whos single see's her online off/on all day, night. I feel terrible she hasn't found my replacement yet.. Really I do.. No, I'm being serious!! LMAO!!

[ToyStoryThree]

So yeah - although I protested that I didn't really care about this person that much.... It's day 2 of full NC (I know, only day 2!) and I find myself missing her - wanting to talk to her, wondering if she's even thinking about me.

 

I am not really tempted to contact her, as I know exactly how she will respond - bluntly, harshly, and that's if she would even respond at all.

 

What I am confused about though, are her final messages to me. Telling me to "take some time" and to "let things take their natural course". I asked her how she felt toward me and she didn't reply - that was the last message I sent her.

 

I am in the mindset of moving on from this, but I just can't help thinking that she still does like me and wants to take it slowly? That's what those messages suggest, to me anyway.

 

I don't really talk about this to anyone - this is the only real outlet I have. I have deleted her number, blocked on FB etc but yeah - a part of me is gutted because we had such a connection. So many things we discussed that look as if they aren't going to happen, now. I'm not really a guy that just goes out and gets laid to get over a girl - I did really care.

[zues]

Im in the exact same situation as you mate only ive been seeing her 6 months. she was perfect in every way to me from head to toe. perfect match only she doesnt want a relationship and its been dragging on for weeks. i told her last night i couldnt meet up with her anymore even as friends. ( we became FWB) i feel for her too much to do that. so its all or nothing. im waiting on her reply from last night still playing games with me. how the hell do people get through this!

[ToyStoryThree]

I always seem to be getting over some sort of heartbreak or relationship issue, and it's really starting to get me down.

 

I am sitting here, wondering if she is even missing talking to me, or if she's just glad it's all over.

 

I am dying to message her, to tell her I miss her - but I know I will just be ignored.

 

I can't even talk to friends or family about it, because I can tell I have talked about it so much that they are bored of hearing about it.

 

This is hell. I was feeling OK earlier, but I seem to have come right down, I have no idea why.

[Philosoraptor]

Well everyone has their ups and downs. When you start thinking about the ex, instead focus on something you enjoy. Play a game, watch sports, exercise, or whatever else to put the focus back on your happiness.

[JDPT]

Yes reroute your thoughts when you think of her. It's a long road ahead you will have your good and bad days but the difference between a good and bad day is your attitude. Focus on yourself and improving yourself for no one else but you.