lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Hi my ex and I were together for almost two years we broke up in February and have been still talking to eachother and having sex….after we broke up I found out that he was talking to another girl I was devastated.but I still couldn’t seem to let go of him…so he started talking to both of us….he told me he still loved and cared about me but he liked her at the same time it broke my heart….so I recently stopped talking to him for 2weeks and the same day I decided to pick up the phone when he called I found out that I was pregnant…he came over the next day…we talked about everything I cried he wiped my tears away. I told him that I couldn’t do this with him anymore bc it hurt to much and he said he was sorry for putting me through this…that nxt day I found out that be took the girl that he was talking to to Florida for a few days….when I found out all I saw was RED!!!! How could he do this to me after all the things we had talked about the night before….I feel stupid bc I still love him and want to be with him very much is it too late for me to save my relationship???? We’re going to be having a baby soon…I don’t want to be single and alone…I want to be a family an for him to be there for me throughout my pregnancy. I have never loved anyone the way that I love him…help me plz.
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 It's not up to you to save the relationship. It's up to you BOTH to save the relationship. And if he won't stop seeing her, if he won't agree to be exclusive with you, and he won't agree to never see her again, then you're on the losing side, I'm afraid. Your attention and focus should now be on looking after yourself and determining if this pregnancy is going to continue (it's very early days - have you had a proper pregnancy test at your doctor's clinic to confirm?) and if all carries on, you then have to make sure he pays child support. Simply because he cannot commit to you does not mean he can turn his back on the baby. How old are you? (I would guess in your very early 20's....?)
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 Yes...I'm 21... I want this to work so bad....I don't wanna go through my pregnancy alone and just be known as his babymama...I want to be a family and maybe his wife someday...I was taught to never give up on what I believe in....if you were in my shoes what would you do??? Should I go NC for a while....he's confused and doesn't know what he wants and its making me confused.
Balzac Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 You don't seem confused. He's doing exactly what he wants to do. One feels compelled to ask how this unplanned pregnancy came to be. You broke up in Feb. it's now August. Is this a simple case of "I'll get him back baby"?? 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Yes...I'm 21... I want this to work so bad....I don't wanna go through my pregnancy alone and just be known as his babymama...I want to be a family and maybe his wife someday...I was taught to never give up on what I believe in....if you were in my shoes what would you do??? Should I go NC for a while....he's confused and doesn't know what he wants and its making me confused. The problem is, you can't make him be responsible, love you and be with you, as he's clearly chosen to not go down that route. And you can't love enough for two. What I would do, is irrelevant (though I will tell you), but all you can do now, is to make a decision: Either determine to have this baby 'alone' or - go for a termination. In your shoes? I would turn to my family for support, comfort and help, and go through with it to the end - but make sure I add his name to the birth certificate. Then I'd ensure he was held responsible for Child Support. YOU can't force him to be a 'dad' - nobody can. He, on the other hand, can't avoid the fact that he's a parent. And you shouldn't let him forget it. 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 You don't seem confused. He's doing exactly what he wants to do. One feels compelled to ask how this unplanned pregnancy came to be. You broke up in Feb. it's now August. Is this a simple case of "I'll get him back baby"?? maybe you missed this....? ...we broke up in February and have been still talking to eachother and having sex….
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 We were off and on after we broke up...I found out I was prego last week
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 I'm not sure I just told him early friday morning before he left for his trip
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I somehow doubt very much he will have told her. She may not even be aware he's been two-timing her.... 3
Balzac Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I read that fact set. My question was more about early twentyish and the propensity to take on undue risks to keep the guy. That's all I was asking. I'm not aware she can add a man's name to the birth certificate. She can declare it to the local prosecutor in her efforts to claim child support.
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 She knows about me bc she called him while he was with me...
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 I know he'll be a great father to my child ....I have no doubts about that I on the other hand just want a family I don't wanna go through this pregnancy alone.
Balzac Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 She knows what about you? Look at it this way - after this trip he may have two women pregnant. Get a plan for yourself and your baby. That plan should be about a life w him and his current sex partners.
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I read that fact set. My question was more about early twentyish and the propensity to take on undue risks to keep the guy. That's all I was asking. I'm not aware she can add a man's name to the birth certificate. She can declare it to the local prosecutor in her efforts to claim child support. That's a point worth investigating, sure....I guess it will all be down to paternity testing....
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I know he'll be a great father to my child ....I have no doubts about that I on the other hand just want a family I don't wanna go through this pregnancy alone. It seems he's left you without that option. And as Balzac points out, she may know about you - but not that you're pregnant. Do you know whether she's pregnant? Of course not. But you don't know she isn't, either.... he won't tell you..... And the question is sound: What the hell were you thinking having unprotected sex?
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 That's a point worth investigating, sure....I guess it will all be down to paternity testing.... What are you talking about? I know he's gonna be there for my child I just wanted him to be there for me too.
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Has he told you this for sure? He may suddenly decide he wants proof the baby is his. And unless you permit that proof to be established, he can withhold support. Emotionally and physically, you KNOW he's the dad, and so does he. Legally, it may need to be established for sure, through testing. 1
Balzac Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Mister can add his name to a birth certificate. In most jurisdictions a demand for declaration of paternity comes into play when the mom applies for government benefits. She declares the name and the court will pursue DNA testing. 2
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 It seems he's left you without that option. And as Balzac points out, she may know about you - but not that you're pregnant. Do you know whether she's pregnant? Of course not. But you don't know she isn't, either.... he won't tell you..... And the question is sound: What the hell were you thinking having unprotected sex? We always have...things just happened....I will give it to him he's always been a truthful person. I've never not trusted him...so when we started back talking he told me some things that o will not say but I knew he was telling the truth so I decied to talk to him again and I got pregnant.
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I'm sure it's much the same in the UK. I've never been in any situation of having, or needing to, find out.....
Author lonelygirl92 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 Has he told you this for sure? He may suddenly decide he wants proof the baby is his. And unless you permit that proof to be established, he can withhold support. Emotionally and physically, you KNOW he's the dad, and so does he. Legally, it may need to be established for sure, through testing. I didn't have to tell him anything bc he knows me I haven't been with anyone else since we got together
Balzac Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I'm sure it's much the same in the UK. I've never been in any situation of having, or needing to, find out..... Of course you haven't!! The only exception to this is when a woman is married / presumption under law is that husband is biological father. It's more complicated then but still a clearly defined process.
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