missingu Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 My friend set us up. We went on a date. He was really nice and I was comfortable. We ended up meeting up with his friends afterwards I drove him home and he was singing and laughing.We got to his house and he hugged me and said thanks for a good time. Just as he was about to get out I told him to wait, and I kissed him. its been 5 days and I haven't heard anything. I haven't messaged him either. Did I scare him off????? I really like him.Maybe I should just move on?
sillyanswer Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 So why haven't you sent him a message? or called him? Is your phone broken? 1
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Well sometimes there's this UFO that hovers over my house and follows me around interfering with my cell phone reception for approximately 7 days...then it flies away and I'm able to call back love interest that I'm so desperately trying to get a hold of... or he's just not that interested and you did nothing wrong But don't worry, someone will come in here telling you that you've got nothing to lose by messaging him and how much they despise the dating rules....so maybe since that's what you want to do anyway and you want to believe it was something you did wrong that you could fix, you could just get ahead of the crowd and do it anyway? Damnit I'm too late! 4
sillyanswer Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Because I initiated the kiss Fair point! He's probably not interested. Since a mutual friend set you up you may be able to get feedback (if you want any) that way.
Sunshine87 Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 My friend set us up. We went on a date. He was really nice and I was comfortable. We ended up meeting up with his friends afterwards I drove him home and he was singing and laughing.We got to his house and he hugged me and said thanks for a good time. Just as he was about to get out I told him to wait, and I kissed him. its been 5 days and I haven't heard anything. I haven't messaged him either. Did I scare him off????? I really like him.Maybe I should just move on? Hey! Nobody knows for sure. But I've come across posts about men who didn't get back to women after the first date. It's more common than you think and most women have experienced it. I think you need to calm down a bit. You can't like him a lot if you barely know him. Sure you might be in lust but what you are feeling right now on is exacerbated by the fact that he hasn't contacted you. He might not be a good partner for you so don't put him on a pedestal. Some of the reasons why guys don't get back to girls might range from his dating life eg multiple options or he could be in a relationship or a complicated situation with another female. Often the best answer to a puzzle is the simplest : he might not be too keen on you. I know it's hard to hear that but if you accept the worst possibility then you will be better prepared in case he never gets in touch. Don't feel too bad. Typically men call back/ get in touch a few hours after the date or as far as 6 days later. I know of someone who got back in touch two weeks after and they got married eventually. But I think you should just move on.Nobody on here can tell you why hasn't called. He definitely knows that you like him because you kissed him and unless something really significant happened to prevent him from contacting you, he should haven't gotten in touch/ acted on the kiss- If he was interested. He might still call! Nobody knows! But for now, move on.
love4menotu Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 MissingU- You barely know this man. The only thing you can do is keep living your wonderful life and leave the rest up to the fates. Every woman friend of mine has been through this and let me tell you - it makes no sense to have an emotional investment in every man you date once. Because there will be 50 more first dates until you meet the special one..... And let me tell you this... it's not about YOU, it's about HIM. And unless you live in his head, you'll never know what happened. On to the next missingu.
crude Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Obviously the odds are he's simply not interested. However, in the name of gaining experience, why not contact him and find out why he wasn't interested. You know you want to. How is a person ever going to gain knowledge if they never find out why? They'll just get older but not wiser.
love4menotu Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Crude - I disagree that someone missingu has met once will be able to give her any insightful advice as to why he will not call her or arrange to meet her again. I don't know about you, but people who don't "get" me never will, and I don't need their advice about MY dating life.
petall Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Don't contact him, for goodness sake! You kissed him - it's obvious enough from that that you are into him. If he wants to see you again, it's for him to reciprocate and ask you out for the second date. If he doesn't, then you have your answer. 1
RebelWithoutACause Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Because I initiated the kiss I'm wondering what made you think it was a good idea to initiate the kiss? You drove so I'm assuming you weren't drunk or high. BTW he hasn't contacted you in 5 days because he's not interested. 2
crude Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Crude - I disagree that someone missingu has met once will be able to give her any insightful advice as to why he will not call her or arrange to meet her again. I don't know about you, but people who don't "get" me never will, and I don't need their advice about MY dating life. It's not advice, it's simply their reason for not being interested. Male or female, if you've been rejected time after time, it doesn't hurt to find out why and keep it in your head's data base. There might be one or two reasons why, and if you wish, you can change. Going through life in a daze, wondering what went wrong, isn't all that pleasant. Ignorance isn't bliss. ,
edgygirl Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 It's pretty simple. "He's not that into you". Do not, ever, chase a man. If a guy is interested, he WILL contact you. He won't be "busy" or disappear. You deserve better. There are millions of guys in the world. Find one you don't have to chase after. It's NEVER worth it. 3
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Despite what all the men on here tell you, initiating a kiss does 2 things 1) scares them away 2) makes them think of you in FWB/booty call terms Men are naturally hunters...I made the first physical move a few times when I was pretty young (younger than 23)...it never worked out. Wrong. Girls have initiated a first kiss with me. Some didn't lead to anything, some did.
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 He is not interested but if you text him first, he may use you for sex 2
BeholdtheMan Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 its been 5 days and I haven't heard anything. I haven't messaged him either. Did I scare him off????? I really like him.Maybe I should just move on?How physically attractive are you relative to this guy? A few possibilities are 1. He's not physically attracted to you 2. He's gaming you to heighten your interest. Playing a bit hard to get...5 days though is a long time, especially as you initiated the kiss 3. He's somewhat attracted to you physically but might not want to get intimate with you for other reasons (something about your personality might've annoyed him and he just didn't show it) 1 seems the most likely at the moment
BeholdtheMan Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Despite what all the men on here tell you, initiating a kiss does 2 things 1) scares them away 2) makes them think of you in FWB/booty call terms Men are naturally hunters...I made the first physical move a few times when I was pretty young (younger than 23)...it never worked out.Wrong, this really depends on how hot you are. If a woman I'm intensely attracted to initiates physical intimacy with me and even better, we get along very nicely and enjoy each other's company...I wouldn't wait 5 days to call
Author missingu Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 He does find me attractive he has told me a couple of times.. Maybe something about me annoyed him but it may be something to do with him..he may not have felt chemistry,he might be interested in someone else..it's not always about something I've done. And I am under no circumstances calling or communicating with him first in any way..he knows how I feel and obviously doesn't feel the same it just simply wasn't meant to be and I think not hearing from him did heighten my interest whereas if he did call me all the time straight away I wouldn't be interested.. I gave it a try its all I can do Time to move on 2
Southern Cal Dude Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 He is not interested but if you text him first, he may use you for sex There's no such thing as using someone for sex.
Sunshine87 Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 He does find me attractive he has told me a couple of times.. Maybe something about me annoyed him but it may be something to do with him..he may not have felt chemistry,he might be interested in someone else..it's not always about something I've done. And I am under no circumstances calling or communicating with him first in any way..he knows how I feel and obviously doesn't feel the same it just simply wasn't meant to be and I think not hearing from him did heighten my interest whereas if he did call me all the time straight away I wouldn't be interested.. I gave it a try its all I can do Time to move on I agree. I also hate it when people act like the person on th receiving end did something wrong/ as if there is something wrong with the person. There have been times when I wasn't interested in guys I would have otherwise been interested in, if I wasn't going through my personal issues or hung up on someone else. There was some guy who had a lot of qualities I admired. He was interested but I was hung up over another guy. I would call him to ask for advise about this other guy. Eventually he moved on, and months later ( after I was over the guy I was hung up on), I started thinking about this other guy that I rejected. I thought to myself "why the hell didn't I take up the opportunity! Too late cos he was already with someone else. Point is, sometimes there are issues that are beyond our control or have nothing to do with us. You know nothing about this guy.Pls don't beat yourself up over it. Xxx
Cressida Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Ok, these are my 2c. 1) You were set up. This isn't necessarily your fault as it isn't his, but this isn't a typical date environment either (where the man chases the woman, calls her and pins her down for a date). It could be that he is getting over someone, just screening 'the market', plain bored or in the mood for some socializing. You can never know. What you can be 100% sure of is that it isn't a typical 'romantic' thing, where you'd KNOW he's interested at least enough to invite you on a date. 2) He was 'nice' and you were 'comfortable'. Admittedly, first (and arranged) dates are job interviews with cocktails. Some of them are good, others are ok, several are disastrous and a few even end up in marriage. However a date is YOUR TIME which you must use to maximize YOUR interest. What are you looking for? You must identify this prior to getting out the door and know what 'signs' you must look for. Ok, he was 'nice'. It isn't a sign he's REALLY interested. Did he bring flowers? Did he compliment you? or did he make fratboy jokes about his friends? A date is like a relationship, which is like a job...if you want it to lead somewhere you must put in a little effort. 3) You met up with his friends afterwards. I am sorry to be a party pooper and please don't take my words the wrong way, but this REEKS of bad date. A man interested in a woman at least the tiniest bit as to tide her over to the next date will never split the date in order to spend time with friends. That's extremely rude, is like stopping to buy toilet paper on your way to the restaurant because hey, you ran out of it anyways and if the supermarket is close by, why not. 4)You drove him home. This is NOT good. A man who prepares for a date because he wants to have A DATE gets his own transport on the occasion. Even if it's inconvenient, his car is broken, he lives far away and it's a blind date. If he is a quality man, he will act like one and make sure he's got his thing together. He could have very easily forgotten his wallet and had you pay for the whole thing. This is a huge red flag in my opinion. 5) He was singing and laughing. A man who's interested in a woman doesn't act like a clowna$$ nowhere near her, at least in the beginning. 6) You basically stopped him and kissed him. You ambushed him. Despite things not going well, you grabbed him and gave him a kiss, as if you were the man and he was the woman. NOT good. I have been so burnt in my previous relationships and read a lot about women-men dynamics, talked to married female friends, single friends, male friends, co-workers, etc. They all said pretty much the same thing- don't make things easier for a man because you devaluate yourself. Don't chase a man, don't call him, don't ask him out. Don't kiss him, don't initiate anything. If he wants to, he will. If not, you know he isn't interested (there's 6 billion people out there and counting, not everyone can like us, right?) and you can move on, sparing your time. I think we all know how nerve racking is for a woman not to be called, pursued, seeked after a date or worse, after sleeping with a man. She'll ponder on and on what happened, am i not attractive enough, did I say something stupid? And on the other side you have girls who seem to have nothing special about them, having men eating out of their palm. Because they value themselves. Act like a prize, not a bonus. You should have walked out of the date the instant he suggested/informed you about wanting to hang out with his friends. You were on a date, a one-on-one thing, not with the buddies at the sports bar. Do yourself a favor and spare yourself nerves, wasted time and suffering. Just don't chase men. Place yourself strategically yes, but don't ever chase a man or try to make things happen. It's all useless and it puts you on the receiving end.
Cressida Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Wrong. Girls have initiated a first kiss with me. Some didn't lead to anything, some did. How old were you when the kiss-initiating gals took the initiative? Were you looking for a relationship or just screening out the attractive/compatible ones chemistry-wise for a little something-something? Do you honestly find a woman more attractive when she takes the initiative or the other way around? Who would you think was more attractive, a girl who kisses you and initiates things or a girl (let's assume they are 'identical', attraction, personality-wise) who lets you do the move?
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