jesse93 Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 (edited) Well tonight, my friend had something to tell me so he called me and we talked for a while and randomly he decided to tell me that my ex girlfriend misses me and has been wanting to text me but doesn't want to text me first? i'm not sure why but apparently she has been watching movies that we've watched together in the past i feel like i've been doing so good keeping NC even though its only been 6 days but i'm usually the person who would beg and plead for her to stay with me but when we broke up we were on a skype call with our cams on, and she was telling me how she was planning on breaking up with me in the next 2 months, and she didn't want to be together because i don't have my life together currently and how she knew this relationship was always to good to be true.. she pulled the "i'd still like to be friends" card on me and i told her i didn't want to be friends because in my opinion being friends with my ex isn't going to work out maybe after my feelings have gone from her then we could be friends i personally hate when they say theyd still like to be friends, to me thats not possible but anyway after we talked for a while on skype she had to go to bed as she had work in the morning and she asked for a wave goodbye so i waved and that was it. but anyway now i'm lost in what to do i know the right thing to do is stay NC but now i don't know if i'll be able too.. hearing that she misses me is an automatic sign that we have a chance which i know deep down it probably isn't but part of me wants to try so badly that "what if" question is in my mind now what if it could work out and if i don't take this opportunity i'll never know but at the same time i dont want bread crumbs i dont want to end up in a situation where all there is is breadcrumbs and the little progress i have made will be useless once i message her, i have no idea what to do now i wish he would've never told me that i personally told him not to mention her ever because i needed to get over it and he just randomly said it on the phone i never even asked about her once :/.. what do you think? am i a total fool for falling for this trap am i going to waste my 6 days of NC or is there any chance of things working out? ahh any advice is appreciated. Edited July 28, 2013 by jesse93
keepontruckin Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Did you beg, cry and plead with her when she left you? Were you willing to move mountains for her? You probably did. Because you loved her, and you wanted her. Now, is she doing the same? No, she isn't. She knows how to contact you, and if she really was serious, she's be on you 24/7... Whom initiates a text would be the least of her worries... 2
Author jesse93 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 Did you beg, cry and plead with her when she left you? Were you willing to move mountains for her? You probably did. Because you loved her, and you wanted her. Now, is she doing the same? No, she isn't. She knows how to contact you, and if she really was serious, she's be on you 24/7... Whom initiates a text would be the least of her worries... i did cry, like anyone would but begging i didn't i was strong about it and waved goodbye didn't try to get her to change her mind she didn't cry though she seemed confident about her decision there was no tears in her eyes she didnt sound sad.. but you are right i never thought about it like that but then again she is a lot stronger than me, and i think she assumed that i would've texted her by now so she doesn't want to be the one to text me because she wants to put on this image that shes doing well maybe? idk, maybe i'm just creating excuses and excuses to break NC, gah its so hard not to though..
keepontruckin Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 You can text her, but those texts will probably just be deleted. Once my wife left, I texted her non-stop. I doubt she read any of them. However, I did make it clear that I can be contacted at any time for business matters, and I would keep my composure should this arise. This leaves an open line of communication, should they need it. However, they typically don't need it, as they don't need you anymore. Like I said, they know how to communicate should they desire to do so... 2
Author jesse93 Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 You can text her, but those texts will probably just be deleted. Once my wife left, I texted her non-stop. I doubt she read any of them. However, I did make it clear that I can be contacted at any time for business matters, and I would keep my composure should this arise. This leaves an open line of communication, should they need it. However, they typically don't need it, as they don't need you anymore. Like I said, they know how to communicate should they desire to do so... yea, you make some valid points and i think you're right.. i'm not sure whether or not i'll end up messaging her and if i do.. idk why i'll say but i will wait until later tonight to make a decision on what i'm going to do. I'm sorry about your loss though man keep your head up and stay strong, it must be very hard on you but within time all scars will heal even if it doesn't work out how you want it too.. i wish you the best and i hope you stay strong.
Follower Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Don't text her, its a waste of your time.. She knows how to text you, she is looking for someone to chase her a little and by the sounds of it that was pretty much the etiquette of your relationship. Stand strong if she really wants to talk she can contact you, she ended it that is the protocol! 1
Darren Steez Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 She told your friend because she knew your friend would go straight to you and tell you what she said. But I agree with the other posters, you just pick up a phone and call. None of this has anything to do with you, only her ego. Don't stroke it, otherwise you'll be the one ending up hurt.
Author jesse93 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 well, i fell for the trap sadly and texted her about two hours ago with no response. i'm not sure if she'll respond or not i just want to say i'm sorry i know i shouldn't of but i felt deep down i had to give it a try, i dug my own hole and we'll see where it takes me. if i get let down again that is my own fault and i will have to start coping all over again. I hope what she said wasn't a "in the moment" thing where she missed me and such. but i'll update you guys if anything happens.
Author jesse93 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 i totally regret messaging her now, i haven't gotten a reply but now i'm sitting here playing the waiting game and its brought me down so much more than i was yesterday, i'm sorry i didn't listen to you or anyone else everyone told me to wait until she texted me.. but i just couldn't wait and now here i am worse than i was before feeling terrible. if you're reading this and you're ever curious about texting your ex even if she says she misses you and wants you back.. just don't because the pain is 10x worse when you do that. now im sitting here asking myself why i bothered thinking she would care enough to try and talk to me. it was probably just a sad moment where she missed me and now i feel like ****, i regret ever sending that message and if i could take it back i would in a heart beat. Oh well, i dug my own hole and didn't listen so here i am now feeling as down as i could possibly feel.
AllTooWell Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 For future reference to you and anyone reading this thread in a similar situation. hearing that she misses me is an automatic sign that we have a chance Wrong wrong oh so wrong. Just because you MISS SOMEONE DOES NOT MEAN YOU WANT THEM BACK. I miss my mother's cooking. Wouldn't want to live with her again. I miss the ease of high school. Am definitely glad I'm long out of that hell-hole. She misses you because you were a part of her life and she HAS CHOSEN TO GET RID OF YOU. So this is where you ACKNOWLEDGE HER DECISION - she has chosen to throw your relationship away, so now she must face and live with her decision. If she really missed you and wanted to get back together, she would be at your DOOR telling you she screwed up.
Author jesse93 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 For future reference to you and anyone reading this thread in a similar situation. Wrong wrong oh so wrong. Just because you MISS SOMEONE DOES NOT MEAN YOU WANT THEM BACK. I miss my mother's cooking. Wouldn't want to live with her again. I miss the ease of high school. Am definitely glad I'm long out of that hell-hole. She misses you because you were a part of her life and she HAS CHOSEN TO GET RID OF YOU. So this is where you ACKNOWLEDGE HER DECISION - she has chosen to throw your relationship away, so now she must face and live with her decision. If she really missed you and wanted to get back together, she would be at your DOOR telling you she screwed up. yea you're right, and i realized the mistake i made right after i sent the text. and i agree with what you're saying i just let my heart take over my rational thinking and actually believed things could work out but yet the whole night i was thinking about it and i knew it wouldn't work out how i wanted it too. good advice to follow though.
Darren Steez Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 What did I tell you son. You stroked that ego, and what did you get? You're talking about someone that knows you better than you know yourself. She baited the hook, bent your friends ear, he came running to you, all she needed was a stopwatch to see how long it is before you responded. No doubt when she's feeling down and needs her ego stroked again, she'll send you a message. I suggest you delete it before you read it. Stop playing games with her, Start taking care of yourself. 2
Follower Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Or better yet still, detele and block her number with your phone carrier. This will make your life so much easier; why? you wont know if she has tried to contact you. If you do hear a breadcrumb like this is bet you will be too embarrassed to phone up your carrier and state you want to re-enable that number so you can text your ex and because of this you'll weigh up in your mind how much it really doesn't mean anything to you. 1
Author jesse93 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 (edited) Well the thing is i used an app called "Kik" to message her and when they read the message it will have a "√R" next to the message notifying that they read it, and she hasn't even read it yet but either way i don't care i feel like i got played like a fool either way got told that she wanted to give me a kiss she called me a sweet name said she missed me and wanted to talk to me, yet she would've texted me if that were true why would she go through him? i'm not sure i've got a bunch of questions running through my mind but either way i sent one last message last night just saying that i know this wasnt meant to be i need time to heal, and so i uninstalled the app who knows if she'll read it i don't care at this point i feel like an idiot for falling for that trap in the first place, oh well Thank you guys for all your advice i really appreciate it, and i'm sorry i didn't follow through but i learned my lesson now. I keep having constant dreams about her though its really frustrating, i wake up have a panic attack calm myself down for a few minutes then drift back off asleep and end up dreaming about her again damn you dreams dream about anything but her Edited July 29, 2013 by jesse93
AllTooWell Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Well the thing is i used an app called "Kik" to message her and when they read the message it will have a "√R" next to the message notifying that they read it, and she hasn't even read it yet but either way i don't care i feel like i got played like a fool either way got told that she wanted to give me a kiss she called me a sweet name said she missed me and wanted to talk to me, yet she would've texted me if that were true why would she go through him? i'm not sure i've got a bunch of questions running through my mind but either way i sent one last message last night just saying that i know this wasnt meant to be i need time to heal, and so i uninstalled the app who knows if she'll read it i don't care at this point i feel like an idiot for falling for that trap in the first place, oh well Thank you guys for all your advice i really appreciate it, and i'm sorry i didn't follow through but i learned my lesson now. I keep having constant dreams about her though its really frustrating, i wake up have a panic attack calm myself down for a few minutes then drift back off asleep and end up dreaming about her again damn you dreams dream about anything but her Trust me I am not saying what you are feeling isn't real and incredibly painful. But back up and look at this forum. SO many people have been in exactly your position and so many of us (including myself) have struggled with NC, BUT WE ARE BETTER OFF NOW that we have done it. My ex once told me that leaving me was the hardest thing he has ever had to do, he misses me, I am the first thing he thinks about every day, he will never forgive himself for letting me go, he wants to marry me, he would love to just hold me one more time, etc but believe it or not through all of that he still didn't really want to get back together. Delete her number, delete her off kik and any other social media. Go dark on this girl ASAP and get a hold of yourself. She will never have any respect for you if all you are doing is sniffling and crying after her. I know it's hard but start thinking "fake it til you make it" and apply that EVERYWHERE. It doesn't matter if she ever reads it or not. It doesn't matter if she misses you, or if she doesn't, or if she has pie for breakfast tomorrow. Because she left you. She chose to walk away!! I know it hurts and I'm not going to tell you it'll be easy, but things will get better and you will be okay. 1
Author jesse93 Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 Trust me I am not saying what you are feeling isn't real and incredibly painful. But back up and look at this forum. SO many people have been in exactly your position and so many of us (including myself) have struggled with NC, BUT WE ARE BETTER OFF NOW that we have done it. My ex once told me that leaving me was the hardest thing he has ever had to do, he misses me, I am the first thing he thinks about every day, he will never forgive himself for letting me go, he wants to marry me, he would love to just hold me one more time, etc but believe it or not through all of that he still didn't really want to get back together. Delete her number, delete her off kik and any other social media. Go dark on this girl ASAP and get a hold of yourself. She will never have any respect for you if all you are doing is sniffling and crying after her. I know it's hard but start thinking "fake it til you make it" and apply that EVERYWHERE. It doesn't matter if she ever reads it or not. It doesn't matter if she misses you, or if she doesn't, or if she has pie for breakfast tomorrow. Because she left you. She chose to walk away!! I know it hurts and I'm not going to tell you it'll be easy, but things will get better and you will be okay. Thank you for the advice and you are correct, I'm going back to NC because its better that way i already deleted her on KIK her number blocked her on facebook so on so forth, tonight i'm going to the gym as i am a bit overweight and i believe setting a goal to lose this extra weight will help me get my mind off her a lot. in the end i'm kind of glad i did it though because it was a reality check for me knowing that she doesn't care to talk to me has made these constant thoughts of "does she miss me? can i get her back" have died down by a lot. I know it will be ok in the long run and this is a good chance for me to start getting my life together. Its my first time going to the gym tonight so i hope i know what i'm doing i'm a bit embarrassed but excited at the same time. thanks for the advice i appreciate it. 1
Author jesse93 Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 just an update, had my first work out session tonight i did cardio for 60 minutes 30 minutes on the treadmill and 30 on the bike, i have to say even though i didn't work out that long, for the first work out i've had for probably 5-6 years it felt amazing, i didn't think about my ex at all and it feels great to sweat it out and get everything off your mind tomorrow is arm day i never thought i'd be excited to work out but damn does it feel amazing, i can hardly walk now but i feel happy for anyone reading this who is going through a break up, work out.. seriously. its amazing how it makes you feel.
alexDaOne Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 hmmm interesting case you have here my friend. With all my experience I would say she definitely cares about you. I think, believe it or not you did the exact right thing to do. Its showing that you still care for her. I suspect thats what she was looking for. She will probably come back talking to you for support and i honestly thing she would want you to do the same to her. I also think that she may thinks that its rough to have a relationship with you with the circumstances in all. Every girl is different in what they can put up with. Dont think you made a mistake. Trust me when I tell you it wouldnt make a difference either way. Im sorry your going through this rough time I know it sucks. Take Care
Author jesse93 Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 hmmm interesting case you have here my friend. With all my experience I would say she definitely cares about you. I think, believe it or not you did the exact right thing to do. Its showing that you still care for her. I suspect thats what she was looking for. She will probably come back talking to you for support and i honestly thing she would want you to do the same to her. I also think that she may thinks that its rough to have a relationship with you with the circumstances in all. Every girl is different in what they can put up with. Dont think you made a mistake. Trust me when I tell you it wouldnt make a difference either way. Im sorry your going through this rough time I know it sucks. Take Care yea, i'm not quite sure what to think she ended up messaging me back through text today and i got really nervous and of course responded even though i know i shouldn't have, she asked "are you awake ?" at around 12am i took a while to respond because i wanted to just ignore it but of course i caved and said "yea i'm awake what are you doing up so late?" she said she went and saw the conjuring and she couldn't sleep because she was scared we then talked about how i'm going on a diet and starting to work out, it ended off with her saying "if you ever need any help with your diet and what to eat let me know and i can help you" or something along the lines and then she fell asleep, so pretty much a conversation that didn't really go any where i think what she said about missing me was just an in the moment type deal, i can see shes trying to move on so i think thats a good note to end all contact she's trying to move on as well as i am i'm scared if i keep contact i'll just get hurt in the end it got me really nervous when she texted me but by the end of the conversation i felt "this isn't worth the pain" and its truly not i just hope i can find the strength to not respond if she texts me again.
Renard99 Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 yea, i'm not quite sure what to think she ended up messaging me back through text today and i got really nervous and of course responded even though i know i shouldn't have, she asked "are you awake ?" at around 12am i took a while to respond because i wanted to just ignore it but of course i caved and said "yea i'm awake what are you doing up so late?" she said she went and saw the conjuring and she couldn't sleep because she was scared we then talked about how i'm going on a diet and starting to work out, it ended off with her saying "if you ever need any help with your diet and what to eat let me know and i can help you" or something along the lines and then she fell asleep, so pretty much a conversation that didn't really go any where i think what she said about missing me was just an in the moment type deal, i can see shes trying to move on so i think thats a good note to end all contact she's trying to move on as well as i am i'm scared if i keep contact i'll just get hurt in the end it got me really nervous when she texted me but by the end of the conversation i felt "this isn't worth the pain" and its truly not i just hope i can find the strength to not respond if she texts me again. I don't think what she said was simply in the moment, I think she does miss you...... but.... as others have said, missing someone and wanting them back are two totally different things. I miss my old car. It was awesome and I had some great adventures in it...... however, it was old and broken and kept breaking down all the time and for that reason I wouldn't want it back What you've done now is made contact and that has solved her problem of missing you. She knows that you're around to chat to and therefore feels better. You've effectively been friend zoned and you yourself said that you didn't want to go into the whole 'friends' thing. You need to stay strong, ignore all communication from her and only respond if her exact words are 'I want to get back together again'
Darren Steez Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 upp there you go..the more you respond the more involved you'll get. Good luck to you lad, you're going to need it. Out.
Author jesse93 Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 i know, but we're currently talking about "us" right now and its not going the best, but its not going bad either i feel like i need this its almost like a end to it all, a final goodbye and i don't feel so sad right now.. i think this is good and i'm glad i'm having this conversation its helped me realize that i don't have a choice, this whole time i believed i had a chance to get her back and now that i know i don't it doesn't hurt that bad. or maybe i'm just having a delayed reaction to the pain but i feel ok right now and i know this will probably be the last time we talk to each other and i'm glad its ending on a good note like it is.
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