rastamoose Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Long story short My ex like many here decided to break it off, she didnt develop feelings for me. We spoke a bit on fb at the start. I saw her once and we had a good chat. The last time I saw her, she was very awkward and short ( not rude or angry ) That was 3 weeks ago. I haven't spike to her since, I got the impression that day that she maybe didnt want to talk. I said happy birthday to her yesterday in a text. She hasn't even bothered to at least say thank you, not yet anyway. So pissed off! It's not hard to say thanks. So much for being friends! Grrrr
Ordinaryday Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Long story short My ex like many here decided to break it off, she didnt develop feelings for me. We spoke a bit on fb at the start. I saw her once and we had a good chat. The last time I saw her, she was very awkward and short ( not rude or angry ) That was 3 weeks ago. I haven't spike to her since, I got the impression that day that she maybe didnt want to talk. I said happy birthday to her yesterday in a text. She hasn't even bothered to at least say thank you, not yet anyway. So pissed off! It's not hard to say thanks. So much for being friends! Grrrr Okay, I will put it straight: the majority of dumpers who say they want to "remain friends" DON'T MEAN IT. They just say it because they think it is the "polite" thing to say, and it is easier for them to say than "have a nice life" which is typically what they really mean. When someone dumps you, when you cut through all the platitudes and niceties they are basically saying that they no longer want you in their life - they want to meet other people and date other people who, to be blunt, they feel are "better" than you - whether or not these other people actually are "better" than you is irrelevant, because it is about how the dumper perceives it, not you. You should NEVER send a birthday text to the dumper - at best it looks pathetic and desperate and that you are trying to get them back, and at worst it looks kind of stalkerish because, as they have already dumped you, you really shouldn't be "intruding" in their lives like this. Don't contact her again, or at least don't initiate the contact. If she wants you back she will let you know, she will contact you - there is nothing you can do to make her come back, and trust me, sending a birthday text is not going to help. 2
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 You're latching onto trivia, and letting it get to you. I advised you yesterday that depression is debilitating and that you need professional support. You haven't replied. You need to see a doctor - and probably be referred to a Counsellor. You're suffering from Depression, probably have been for some while, and I think you need help. You can't do this on your own. I await all the objections as to why you couldn't possibly do that right now - but the fact is, and the fact remains: It's what you need most. And there's no shame in that, or admitting it. (from here This denotes a head-in-the-sand attitude; almost an "I actually like the attention it gets me, it makes up for what is lacking." (Her). I repeat: GET - HELP.
Author rastamoose Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 No, she did actually want to be friends. I did say to her we didn't have to but she wanted to and sad she would be sad if we couldn't. She saw me at work once and we had the most awkward encounter. It was a quick hello. She said I looked like I really didnt like her, I was just caught off guard. I apologised in a text after and I saw her the next day so she could return something of mine. That's when we had our nice long chat. Other than that, I saw her the one other time when she seemed awkward. Like I said I didn't speak to get since. I'm getting that whole " I won't talk to you first " vibe from her. I think she's playing games. She will prob wait a while and be like " oh hi sorry I was busy " Seriously, if she had no feelings for me it should be easy for her. Contacting me won't do her any harm
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 No, she did actually want to be friends. I did say to her we didn't have to but she wanted to and sad she would be sad if we couldn't. She saw me at work once and we had the most awkward encounter. It was a quick hello. She said I looked like I really didnt like her, I was just caught off guard. I apologised in a text after and I saw her the next day so she could return something of mine. That's when we had our nice long chat. Other than that, I saw her the one other time when she seemed awkward. Like I said I didn't speak to get since. I'm getting that whole " I won't talk to you first " vibe from her. I think she's playing games. She will prob wait a while and be like " oh hi sorry I was busy " Seriously, if she had no feelings for me it should be easy for her. Contacting me won't do her any harm Read the No Contact Guide (my signature/link) as to why dumpers want to stay friends. It's all for their benefit, not yours. Damn right it won't do her any harm. It will however, cut your emotions to shreds. It's a very bad idea......
theonlyjuan Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I told you, you have over trained. Your body will go into depression. I have the exact situation as you. I will say happy birthday to mine and if I get no reply , I will go strict NC on her for good! There is a slight chance she didnt get your text. Don't do one if those " hey dunno if I got my last text " ones. Just forget it
supaflyz Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 The posters above me is right. They don't want to be your friends. I actually thought my ex wanted to remain friends. She knew that I don't have a lot of friends. I actually open up to her telling her that I don't have that many friends when we were together. Most of my friends move away or just eventually stop hanging out together. I told my ex that she was one of my closest friend. When she broke up with me, I was so desperate to remain friends that I did somethings that I wish I didn't do like crying, writing letters. My cousin told me when the dumper say that want to be friends they don't mean it. I didn't want to listen to him because I thought she really love me and our relationship was different. Never ever think your relationship is different. That will cause you to do some stupid things just trying to get them back. I spent a month in a half reading a bunch of get back together threads when I should of spent that time reading the coping threads and moving on with my life.
theonlyjuan Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 But there are cases where some ex's are friends. Usually happens quite a while later. It's like meeting a new person all over again because people change. She might reply to you soon. For your own good dont talk to her anymore. Don't try and be friends, go NC and get over her. After you are over her and you feel like you want to, make contact and see if you can be friends then.
Ordinaryday Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 But there are cases where some ex's are friends. Usually happens quite a while later. It's like meeting a new person all over again because people change. She might reply to you soon. For your own good dont talk to her anymore. Don't try and be friends, go NC and get over her. After you are over her and you feel like you want to, make contact and see if you can be friends then. As you said, it usually happens A LONG time later, when both are truly over I so he can speak to each other with no emotions bubbling. Usually it happens several years later, but sometimes it never happens at all: if one of my dumpers reached out a few years down the line, to offer me friendship, then I would either ignore them or respond rudely. I would not accept.
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 But there are cases where some ex's are friends. Usually happens quite a while later. It's like meeting a new person all over again because people change. Quite - there are many many cases where exes become friends. But that's so far down the line, you really wouldn't care to have them back as a partner, anyway. By that time, you - and they - will have moved on sufficiently to remember the relationship as just another experience, or learning curve. She might reply to you soon. let's all hope not - but if she does, you must, absolutely must, ignore it. For your own good dont talk to her anymore. Don't try and be friends, go NC and get over her. After you are over her and you feel like you want to, make contact and see if you can be friends then. ...But first, you have to do a whole lot of work on yourself, before you'd be in any 'fit state' to be her friend.
keepontruckin Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Supa, you are right! They don't want to be friends, they simply want out of your life! I actually ran into my soon to be ex wife today at the grocery store... We exchanged small talk briefly, but afterwards I realized that what was can never be again. She was almost like a stranger to me, and I couldn't even generate a proper conversation with her. There was no spark, there was literally nothing. It was like approaching a stranger on the street and trying to talk about things... 1
Author rastamoose Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 Pathetic! Nearly 24 hours to the minute she replies! Why do people play these stupid mind games?
TaraMaiden Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 They carry on playing them as long as we let them. When we cease hitting the ball back, after a while, they realise they'll never get to Game, Set and Match.
theonlyjuan Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Mate just go strict NC! You don't need this ****e in your life, you will never move on. She's young and immature. NC and I bet she will pop up one day with a " Hey how are you blah blah blah " Translation " Hey why aren't you my little pet anymore " or " Hey, my life ain't as good as I was hoping it would be without you. I want to complain to you because I know you will listen " Sod her!
Zahara Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Too emotional over a thank you between "friends". I have friends that have taken a day or two to acknowledge a birthday text. You can't be friends. Friends don't get all huffy and post on a forum about a delayed 24 hour response. Don't see anything pathetic about it except that you have too many expectations because you're still emotional about her. Be honest with how you feel and what you are capable of. "Friends" won't work.
Author rastamoose Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 As in taking a whole day to reply. She didnt do anything for her birthday so quit trying to be a dick. She text me this morning again anyway to ask how my sister was
Zahara Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I think you are missing the point. You shouldn't get bent out of shape just because she took 24 hours to reply, IF your intent is to be friends. If this is your reaction, then you should step away from it because it will continue to hurt you. She's not emotional about you so she doesn't see anything wrong with a 24 hour reply. Between friends, it's perfectly normal. In your case, it isn't and you know why.
theonlyjuan Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Chill winston Mate people do it all the time. I read my ex text and purposely reply ages later. No one wants to come across like they have nothing else to do and reply within minutes like they did when they were in a relationship with them. It's just how it goes. Either reply but take ages yourself or don't reply at all
soccerrprp Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Chill winston Mate people do it all the time. I read my ex text and purposely reply ages later. No one wants to come across like they have nothing else to do and reply within minutes like they did when they were in a relationship with them. It's just how it goes. Either reply but take ages yourself or don't reply at all It's not just how it goes. This is immature. I make it a personal policy to reply promptly or not at all. No playing the waiting game to "pretend" like you want the other to know that you have a life of your own.... OP, dude, just quickly respond and get it over with. Your promptness is not going to show her whether you have a life of your own or not, it's WHETHER YOU ACTUALLY DO....or not. Who cares what she thinks if you are over her, right? You don't like the games, don't play. If you're her friend as you claim, would you play these games with a friend? I don't think so. Be the better person. But, if this is all hurting you, then you need to cut it off completely.
Recommended Posts