Galaxyy Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 I'd like some feedback please! My roommate and I were discussing marriage, and I mentioned that I think the idea of an engagement right somewhat antiquated and wasteful. He retorted with the quip that no womyn would ever marry me. I told him that my current girlfriend and I have talked about it and she agrees - the money would be better spent getting us set up in life. Perhaps if we were totally rich it would be a different thing, but we're both just starting out and it seems silly to spend thousands of dollars buying a rock. I like the idea of wedding bands however, they're not nearly as expensive and make a little bit more sense. I'd love to hear from people that have gotten married without engagement rings.
dizi Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Since you've both agreed that the money would be better spent elsewhere, maybe you could get her a cheapy now and then surprise her with something a bit more extravagant for your anniversary? That's what me and my fiance decided on, since we're on a really tight budget. He got me a very cheap ring set, but it's beautiful, and I love him and it just the same. Talk to her about it-make sure she wouldn't be offended.
SoleMate Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Take your gf at her word. If you have discussed it openly, and she says she doesn't want the money spent on a ring, take that seriously. Particularly true if she is a casual, outdoorsy type who would not be able to wear the typical big rock frequently (the big stones and high settings are fragile and can't be worn if you are being active). I had an engagement ring, but that was just because we had discussed it and decided that we both wanted that. (Well, OK, I decided and then let him know.) This kind of decision - deciding where to spend your money, based on your joint needs as a couple - is a big art of marriage. If you can make this kind of decision together, with both parties feeling good about the outcome, that's a harbeinger of marital success.
Pocky Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 We married with cheap rings. He had a silver band that cost about $30 and I used an old ring at the wedding. About six months after we married I had my parents buy me a silver band from Tiffany's for my birthday that I used for a year and a half as my wedding ring. We've now decided to buy a few rings - thanks to Ebay - and purchased a nice band for him and an emerald/diamond ring for me. Cost us a total of $350.00. The ring wasn't a big deal for us. We wanted to spend as little money as possible.
tiki Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 I wish I could offer more, but I'm recently engaged *with* a ring. I think it's awesome that the two of you have agreed to do it otherwise. I think it's a great sign too. Spend your time and focus on the really important things.
Artifact Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 He thinks engagement rings are silly. Although, he thought getting engaged "officially" was silly. He knew that we would get married soon, so wasn't that enough? Anyway, I don't mind what-so-ever. A nice ring is a responsibility I don't want either! I lose things constantly, and use my hands all the time. It would get destroyed before the wedding date. Besides, we have this great trip to central america coming up worth the value of a ring alone. Hello! I'd rather go on a multiple country adventure! Soooo, I am having more fun picking out simple, sturdy, different wedding rings (like us) that we can really wear. And you said your girlfriend won't mind not having a ring anyway. Sounds like your roomie is wrong!
katie79 Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 My father didn't give my mother a ring when he proposed. He had no money at the time, and she isn't a fan of diamonds either. Later on during their engagement, they bought eachother "engagements ringS". They were plain silver bands. They DID get each other wedding bands for their marriage though. I think a ring symoblizes somthing. It doesn't have to be an expensive ring. And for those that are not diamond fans, they can get the stone of their choice, whatever it may be. Or, if they like a diamond, but can't afford it, they can always get a cz. People on here seem to think e-rings are such a waste of money. This isn't about the money. As I mentioned above, you can get a cheaper e-ring various ways. Besides, why is money such a big deal here? Getting married is sort of special occassion. For these things only happen once (hopefully) in your life. Have fun with it. Get her the stupid e-ring! If you have no money, get her a cheaper one. Whatever. The ring is a token of his commitment to marry her. It's a nice thing. Wedding bands are a symbol of of cycle of commitment. To be blunt, I think it's almost immoral not to vow marriage to your spouse to be w/out a ring. If you are in a church, you need the ring, it's included in the vow.
Leikela Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 My parents did the same thing. They were fresh out of school and didn't have much money and wanted to invest in a house instead of a ring. When my Dad proposed to my Mom, he gave her a charm bracelet and one of the charms on it was a small box that opened with a tiny diamond ring in it. Later on, after they were established and were financially sound, he bought her a life size ring.
Dakini Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 Originally posted by katie79 The ring is a token of his commitment to marry her. It's a nice thing. Wedding bands are a symbol of of cycle of commitment. To be blunt, I think it's almost immoral not to vow marriage to your spouse to be w/out a ring. I really don't think its up to you to decide whether a ring is a "moral" requirement of marriage. That may be your opinion that it is a nice thing, but for me, I don't need any physical token to know that someone loves me. I either believe and know it in my heart or I don't. No physical symbol would or could ever solidify my belief that someone loves me. Galaxyy: if your gf has told you that she doesn't want a ring, don't second guess her. Have faith that what she is telling you is the truth.
katie79 Posted November 1, 2004 Posted November 1, 2004 I NEVER said it was "UP TO ME" to decide that. But I AM entitled to MY OWN OPINION and REASONS supporting it as well. That's the way I feel. If you don't care for wedding bands, that's your believe. Whatever... I know my hubby to be wouldn't be too thrilled if I never wore my e-ring and wedding band. I wouldn't be happy either if he didn't wear his. It has nothing to do with "trust", it's just improper not to. That's the purpose of them anyway.
batitm Posted November 3, 2004 Posted November 3, 2004 Have you tried asking her friends about it? I would definitely want an engagement ring were I to get engaged, however she has told you that she does not want one and why would she say that if it were not true? However, I understand that some women say one thing then expect you to read their minds when they really mean something else. If she says no ring I'd believe her but just to make absolutely certain I would ask her friends if she has expressed that same desire of no ring to them. It is likely she has spoken with them about it and they will know whether she expects one or not.
friskywife Posted November 4, 2004 Posted November 4, 2004 My hubby asked me to marry him with the set of wedding bands that we still use. My mom gave us some small diamonds that she had from old rings and I had a small engagement ring made and had diamonds embedded in my band that hubby bought. My engagement ring has a diamond that my mom got from my dad for Christmas (they're divorced) and my band is a one of a kind made from diamonds that were in an old ring. I also had our wedding date engraved in hubby's band so he would never forget when it is! Maybe try just getting a band for know (much cheaper) and somewhere down the road expand on that.
RowanRavyn Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 We were engaged for a few months with no ring. It was fine. We finally decided that we would BOTH wear a ring. We got inexpensive silver rings with knotwork on it. I am not a fan of diamonds, and it seemed silly for one of us to wear one and not the other. My ring is very symbolic for me. Trinity knots became my "thing" when my kids and I moved out here. Its our symbol. The top of the ring has three triskels or trinity knots on the top. On the sides it has four trinity knots and they are swirling together to make one large one, which as he explained shows our family being formed. Do whats best and most representative of the two of you.
ziggue Posted November 9, 2004 Posted November 9, 2004 I think the same thing. Rings are a sign of never ending love two people share between eachother It shouldn't matter about the cost of a ring at all. I wouldn't mind showing off an engagement ring when I get engaged. Even have wedding bands to wear after the wedding. Still I wouldn't let the guy go overspend on them. Even though I am a girl. I agree. I always thought wouldn't you rather spend the extra money for the wedding, honeymoon or house?
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