rainmayker Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Hi guys, I came to this forum a few months ago after getting dumped by my ex-gf of 3 years. She "blindsided" me with a breakup out of nowhere, without any reason. I later found out that she left me for some guy who she met years ago and reconnected with. The Early Stages of Breakup I was hurt and unable to function for several months. I literally woke up and cried the day away. I dragged my feet around all day as I went about my day. Time went by REALLY fast as the days and nights grew shorter. By the time I knew it, 2 months came around and I was still moping over her. Up to that time, I had been FB stalking her, following her movements on Skype, and even messaging her here and there. She had told me that she wanted to 'be friends', but yet whenever I messaged her or called her, all she could do was get angry at me and treat me really mean. At one point, she even said "just leave me alone!" and I actually did. She apologized later for that, but the cycle repeated itself and she still treated me very badly. I watched her go through the first guy like water. After using her for her body, he dumped her after a month. I started feeling better, as I greatly disliked the guy just because she left me for him. Oh, and also because he was a low life who lived with his parents and did drugs. He was the one who pushed her to dump me. Enter the second guy. He went to the same university. Not much substance to this guy, at least to me, but I guess it was enough for her. Any guy would do at that point. Seeing this guy, I wasn't as hurt. He seemed okay... I don't even know why I cared at all, but at least he wasn't the same jackass like the first guy who pushed her to dump me. Beginning to Date Again Then I started talking to my friends about my problems. I found one girl who sat for hours listening to me talk and ramble and cry. This helped a LOT. I got the chance to go through all of the memories, both good and bad, and I felt secure and comfort from her. Maybe two weeks into our nightly sessions, she confessed that she had feelings for me. I told her that didn't want a relationship yet because I still had to get over my ex. She understood but at the same time kept pursuing me. Eventually, I gave in and walked into a 'relationship' with her. I gave her a chance and put my best foot forward. Things were pretty smooth at first and we spent some quality time with each other. About two weeks in, I realized that we weren't such a good match... and after the second weekend where she disappeared on me, I left her. I don't like not knowing what she was doing on Friday/Saturday nights, and then refusing to answer me when I ask her "so what did you do this weekend?" It wasn't what I was looking for, and neither was the bossiness. I went for a month or so entertaining myself and trying to find myself. I met many people and did many different things to learn about life. I joined many forums, read many psychology books on dating, and learned how the female mind works. I didn't date, though, even when the opportunities presented themselves. I found that when I kept myself busy, girls flocked to me. I had three girls chasing me at one point, and two out of the three wanted to get physical right away. The third had a bf with the appropriate bf troubles (meaning she would have left him for me). I talked to a lot of girls at that time, and it made me feel better about myself knowing that I am a desirable person. I didn't date any of these girls, though. Setting Standards About 3 months after the breakup, I found myself going through the pros and cons of the relationship again. I picked up all of them and made a list of things that I wanted in a girlfriend. Then, I set my standards up really high and refused to date another girl unless she fit most of the criteria. Guess what? I found her. This girl is super hot (10 out of 10), adorable, has a nice voice, has a pleasant personality, is romantic, cares deeply about people (especially for me). She has all of the criteria that I wanted in a girl. She has her own set of cons, but I am overlooking those in favor of building a solid relationship with her. She is the complete package. I have been talking to her for about two weeks now and we're happy together. The best part is that I actually TRUST her! I never had that with my ex-gf... and I'm glad that I know now that it really wasn't me in the end, but her. Final Notes I was torn apart by the blindsided breakup and was torn up inside. I was broken. I thought that she was my life and that I couldn't go on anymore. Little did I know that all things happen for a reason, and that the relationship had to end in order for me to find someone like this new girl, who is absolutely perfect in every way. It could be that "good things aren't meant to last", but the point is that I did find someone better suited for me. If you're going through a tough breakup, you have to trust me on this, that things will get better, and better for the best. It's for your own good! You will live your life and you will find someone better. That's just how life is. What seems like a curse is actually a blessing in disguise. My ex-gf has been calling me now and I refuse to answer her. I refuse to acknowledge that she even exists. Funny how she wants to talk to me only AFTER I find someone better than her. I don't know if I will actually end up with this new girl, as our relationship is still new, but the more important thing here is that I'm happy with her. I hope that this helps you guys as much as it helped me to write it out. 4
youngnlove89 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Little did I know that all things happen for a reason, and that the relationship had to end in order for me to find someone like this new girl, who is absolutely perfect in every way. It could be that "good things aren't meant to last", but the point is that I did find someone better suited for me. Brilliant. Beautiful. It's something we all fail to see when our heads are down and our hearts are broken. I can't wait to shake hands with indifference like you have. Congratulations! 2
Author rainmayker Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 Thanks It felt like an eternity in trying to get over my ex-gf... it's something that I never want to go through again, for sure. Best wishes on your progress 1
daftpunk Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 The pessimist in me wants to tell you that no one is perfect. The optimist in me wishes you both the best, and hopes you live happily ever after! 1
onearthur Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 That's a great story, always nice to hear something +ve come out of something so nasty! Thank you for sharing it.
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