justfiguring Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 (edited) Ok so I have never posted and always read but I'm in a painful situation right now and decided to finally make an account, tell my story and see if anyone can tell me if he and I have a chance of ever getting back together. It's long but I needed to really give u guys a thorough understanding of this situation. My ex boyfriend broke up with me less than a week ago after dating for a year and five months. We had a great relationship overall, we spent most of our time with each other and I know our love for each other is very much real. He and I are both 23. Our relationship started out great, of course. He spent so much effort taking me out and getting to know me in the beginning. Then I left to a new state after less than a month of us being together and we maintained a long distance relationship for the next seven months. We talked on the phone and via Skype all while I was away and everything was great! We missed each other immensely. So fast forward to seven months later, I finally came back home for good and I guess this is probably where everything slowly started going downhill and out of the honeymoon phase. I started feeling lonely at times because even though we still went on dates, talked and had fun together, I would feel left out because he spends alot of time playing video games. He makes good money and does what he's supposed to do but after that he always hopped on video games. So I started tripping out on him all time and turning rather unhealthy to say the least. I started thinking he didn't care about me, which led me to be insecure, yell at him and be mean to him all the time. I would tell him how his gaming made me feel bored and alone and he always apologized and got off to spend time with me. But in my head it wasn't enough because I just wanted him to naturally spend time with me, not after I asked. I wanted to have his undying attention. So slowly I started nitpicking everything he did knowing that deep down I didn't really see anything as a big deal but I just wanted to see if he would prove that he really cared. Everytime he hung with his friends I'd make a reason to start up drama with him. There are ample times where I've made him feel so bad that he'd cry because he never had a girlfriend before and wasn't used to all this baggage I was bringing in his life and he told me I made him feel like a horrible boyfriend. *I feel like crying as I type this* As time went on I could see he was being more distant and I went on panic mode trying to control him even more, thinking that would be a solution. Nope. Not at all! We were getting ready to move in together two months from now and I started bringing up our future together. At one point he used to say he could marry me and I guess once he told me that I got too comfortable and started taking him for granted. He became on defense mode all the time and started becoming jumpy around me because I conditioned him into thinking I was always gonna yell at him for something everytime I opened my mouth to speak. Writing this makes me feel like an absolute monster but in reality I am truly a sweet heart and I overthink because I care too much and I'm scared to lose him and always thought something bad would happen. But I will say I TRUST him and NEVER thought that he was cheating. He is wholeheartedly a good guy and wouldn't hurt a fly. He's absolutely amazing and I felt I didn't deserve him because I have so much emotional baggage from childhood and past horrible heartbreaking relationships. Fast forward to almost a week ago, he was being distant and I was on my usual rampage of finding problems to nitpick with him about. This time, it wasn't going down. He started crying on the phone and told me that he loved me so much but he doesn't feel the same way he used to about me. He said he was thinking about the future and how he can't see us together. He said he still hasn't let go of many disagreements that we had and he felt he didn't do anything so wrong to deserve my harsh reactions. He also told me that he is stressed about getting his dream job and he hates the job he has right now and how he stated resenting spending so much of his money taking care of me because I've been searching for a job and going to school. He sounded so hurt and numb and he told me that we shouldn't be together right now because he just doesn't feel the same and he doesn't want to hurt me in the long run since it seems one sided. I broke down crying because it wasn't until then had I realized how HORRIBLE I had been all this time. Sure he has his downfall with gaming alot but overall he was a great nan to me and put forth so much effort to make me happy. So he broke up with me and after two days of no contact and a ton of tears I contacted him trying to tell him how much I realized I had messed up big time. I reasoned and gave everything I had in me to let him know that I would change and get help and be a better woman to him if would be willing to just stay and work it out with me. I have no doubt that he loves me even though he says he doesn't feel the same. The conversation was a failure and he said it hurts but he doesn't want to hurt me in the long run because he doesn't know about a future together with us anymore and that we are not happy with our careers right now so we need to work on ourselves. He kept saying maybe we could try again one day but not right now because we have so much going on. So we got off the phone crying and saying we loved each other and how we would keep in touch every once in a while in the future. Its been two days of NC and I am so sick to my stomach and devastated. I got on Facebook and saw that he liked some girl's picture and I cried because he never does that. I decided to delete him. He texted me this morning about some business but I didn't respond because I'm soo sad. I really love this man. I feel he is meant to be with me, and I with he. I want another chance but he has given up. Based on this it sounds so unlikely he will ever come back. Do u guys have ANY possible insight on this and the possibility of reconciliation? I do not plan to contact him as we both need to heal and I plan to get therapy soon and go into trucking to make good money to get on my own two feet and pay him all the money I told him I would give back one day. I just needed any advice at this point. I need to really get myself together because he's right it wasn't going to work in the long run the way things were headed. I want to be better for him and for me! I don't like feeling like an evil person. I love this man and I'm feeling really hopeless at this point Edited July 27, 2013 by justfiguring
Balzac Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I want to be better for him and for me! Success will come to you if you change for yourself. He's gone to you. I predict you're looking at a minimum of 5 years with professional help. Best of luck to you. Leave him alone.
Author justfiguring Posted July 16, 2014 Author Posted July 16, 2014 Well it's almost a year later and we are back together. Things are better and I still haven't gotten counseling (which is coming soon) because I still feel I have the same control and anger issues. But this is my update! Wow I literally forgot I wrote this
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