maturityassets Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Well its been a while since I've posted a thread on here. And I guess I'm just letting you all know I'm in a new relationship. She's a great girl; just as smart as I am, has a similar background in terms of family culture as me, is really beautiful and just admires me all around. Also life has been great individually for me, summer job, daily exercise, hanging out with friends, met some new friends, parties, time to read, meditating and etc. Of course life is sometimes is difficult, currently my grandfather is soon on his death bed and so the family is close together at the moment as we get ready to mourn his death sadly. But other than that, life is pretty great and matured as a 20 year old undergrad. Of course there are sometimes I do ponder though have I moved on too quickly? Its 4 months post BU now, 3 months NC. And you know I still have a sensitive spot for my ex because she was my first love and etc. Just sometimes I feel guilty for moving on so quickly. I know she was the one to break up with me and then hook up with other guys after our break up. But its not about her really, its just about me. I suffered from very heavy co-dependent behavior problems as well as toxic shame in my teens, but luckily I started therapy when I started my undergrad studies and so by the time I started my relationship with my ex, I was in the healing phase of it all. Of course my fight with co-dependency and toxic shame did cause some strife with my ex, because mainly when something bothered me, I no longer had the desire to to keep it burried inside even if it cost us nights of sex or easy times out. I shouldn't have to walk on eggshells to have a good relationship and she still considered me the perfect boyfriend till the very end regardless. I guess though sometimes my old codependent thinking comes up from time to time in my hypothetical thoughts about how my previous relationship could have went with my new experiences, but my main concern is I guess I don't want to make it seem like I never loved my ex just because I moved on so quickly. I loved that girl with all my heart and I took upon every piece of baggage she had on my shoulders. Just I had to move on for my own sake. As much as I wanted to listen to those words she said about waiting for her and knowing she would come back. I just couldn't live that way. Some of you might wonder why I decided to enter my new relationship if I still feel some sorrow over my ex. But I took this into account and my current GF is on a 5 week planned vacation (something she regrets going on now since she met me after she planned it) with her family. I figured that regardless even if I waited after she came back to make it official I would still have these feelings. So I decided to make it official before hand so within those 5 weeks I could deal with whatever personal problems that still plague me from the remnants of my previous relationship. Does anybody else ever feel feel guilty for moving on? Do you ever miss missing them as well? Thanks all =)
BLS Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I only feel guilty when I imagine that they want me back in some sense. When you realize that they don't want you in any way at all, guilt vanishes. You're living for yourself, not anybody else. Regardless of how she feels, it doesn't matter to you anymore.
Author maturityassets Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 I only feel guilty when I imagine that they want me back in some sense. When you realize that they don't want you in any way at all, guilt vanishes. You're living for yourself, not anybody else. Regardless of how she feels, it doesn't matter to you anymore. Ooo I totally understand that. Just I sometimes question if I'm being authentic or have I compromised my values in moving on. Luckily I haven't. Just sometimes I feel like its against my ideals or aspirations in love to have to go through this. Hopefully she never tries to come back regardless because i hate to have an ex come crawling back after dumping me. I just tell myself it really doesn't matter what she thinks and that I'm currently doing my best as an individual making his own decisions. Thanks for responding
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