sadoldgeezer Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 (edited) My tale starts nearly 45 years ago when i fell hopelessly in love with a girl that registered 12 on the 1-10 scale. Regrettably i was very immature, possessive and jealous and this led to my behaviour being both abusive and on occasions violent. That said she stayed with me and eventually we married. My problem started just a week before the wedding when Barbara stayed out for the night and refused to tell me where she had been. Too desperate to lose her i never mentioned it again but i never trusted her and so some 2 years later after believing that she was shagging her new boss i walked away saying i had found someone else. This was the most stupid lie i have ever told and have regretted it ever since. I always hoped that she would take me back but just a few weeks later i found her with another man. This totally destroyed me and even 35 years later i still feel the humiliation. I have been lucky that for the last 30 years i have had a loving partner but have always hoped that we could at least be honest with each other even if she was to say that she could not put up with my behaviour any more or that i was crap in bed. Anything that would make sense. However i doubt that she would ever do me this favour and doubt that she would even read this. Edited July 27, 2013 by sadoldgeezer wrong to name her
jf2good Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 It is good that you were destroyed. Oh but you weren't destroyed as you married someone else. Let it go. Your being dishonest to yourself and your current wife. Didn't you learn that nursery rhyme Humpty Dumpty, no you can't put the pieces back together, you don't need to ever contact your ex and you shouldn't dwell on what you screwed up.
Author sadoldgeezer Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 (edited) Wow! obviously someone does not like men!!!! if you read the thread properly you would see that it is mearly the story of a man years ago who ****ed things up because he was too immature, too possessive and too quick to raise his fists when he could not compete verbally and who has lived with the shame of his behaviour for years...and rightly so. As to being disloyal to my partner, not wife as you presume, we have spoken many times about this and she has never felt threatened as she has always been my life, gave me the chance to experience fatherhood and through that the utter joy of becoming a grandfather. I will not play the sympathy card save to say that i have always wanted to put things right with my ex-wife but have known that to try to do so would cause her great distress. I am more than happy that she found a better man and that she has had a good life and hope that she accepts that the only way i could show that i really did love her was to leave her alone. Iaccept that some people will consider me a winger but being glad i suffered seems to say more about you than me! Just noticed that you are actually a man...sounds like you are more bitter than me...must be a heck of a story!!! Edited July 28, 2013 by sadoldgeezer
Steadfast Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I can't speak for the previous poster, but I do agree that we learn much more from our failures than our accomplishments. At least, I have. I won't tell you to move on because life has already forced you to do that. I do advise that you focus on the present. No matter what, it's all we have. The reality? You may be better off than you realize, if your ex was already with a new man just weeks after you left. It's very easy to romanticize the past. I get it, but it could be the woman you're with is the real keeper-
Author sadoldgeezer Posted July 28, 2013 Author Posted July 28, 2013 I could not agree more...suffice it to say that this wish to make amends has come about because of recent news health wise...it would never have happened nor will it...i would just like an easier conscious i suppose....maybe in the next life i will get a chance to play the good guy...but then again i would miss out on what i have had for the last 30 years...sometimes you just cannot win...moral of the story don't fall in love at 15 1/2...the end
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