Independence = Intimidation?

[Sweett]

So i've been single for 2 years every since my ex cheated and left me for this girl and dating has been a nightmare. People tell me i'm beautiful and have a lot to offer. I'm 34, no kids, have my own house, car and a good job, college degrees..but i feel this intimidates guys. So what am i supposed to do sell my house, tell them i'm uneducated, and hold up a sign saying i'm needy? Do i have to do this to get a man not to be intimidated!? I mean i've even tried to lower my standards and i wound up dealing with an alcoholic a few months ago who peed on my floor from being drunk and when i told him what he did he blocks my number. I have guy friends and associates and they say an independent woman doesn't intimidate them and that im focusing on the wrong men...but geez this is a little depressing for me. Maybe i'm focusing on boys or insecure men( such as the alcoholic and my ex) and not looking in the right places!? Any advice? Women what do u think!? Guys reading this would u be intimidated by me!?

[SoulJazzBlues]

Yes, focusing on boys, alcoholics and insecure men is probably the no-brainer answer.

 

I can't fathom how any of the other stuff would intimidate a man. It's not unusual to have a good job, car, college degrees in your thirties for men or women. So I'm not convinced.

[Sweett]

Yes, focusing on boys, alcoholics and insecure men is probably the no-brainer answer.

 

I can't fathom how any of the other stuff would intimidate a man. It's not unusual to have a good job, car, college degrees in your thirties for men or women. So I'm not convinced.

 

Ok, but i guess it is intimidating to the men i've focused on or guys who still live at home/ the alcoholic

[USMCHokie]

I'm 34, no kids, have my own house, car and a good job, college degrees..but i feel this intimidates guys.

 

....

 

Guys reading this would u be intimidated by me!?

 

Intimidated? Hardly. Not interested? Probably.

 

Do you like in a rural area where very few people are college educated? How is your physical appearance?

[Sweett]

Intimidated? Hardly. Not interested? Probably.

 

Do you like in a rural area where very few people are college educated? How is your physical appearance?

 

Ok, why would u say not interested when u haven't taken the time to know anything about me!!! Thats very shallow. My appearance is fine. Long hair, tall, nice body, work out several times a week!

I know the alcoholic wasnt college educated... Wow cant believe how shallow u are... Weird

[BluEyeL]

You are doing something wrong, but don't know you enough to know what. Lowering your standards is definitely wrong. You are wasting time you could use to go out and find someone appropriate. Dating can be very exhausting, yes. It's definitely not the intimidation factor though. Sure, less educated women might seem have it better, but you don't compete for the same men. I have a Ph.D. and make six figures and I found someone in 5 months of dating. It looked like a disaster to me too until I found him. Remember you need just one to work out and select carefully. General advice, not knowing you: be selective, on the dates do not brag, ask more questions and talk less than the guy, when answering a question don'tramble, use as few words as possible, but don't be closed up, talk about personal topics, never be negative, dont criticize, dont complain, be kind, never call a man out or freak out on anything he does before he is your boyfriend (after you can complain, but not yell, few words more action). If he upsets you, just pull back. Make sure he is good enough for you and be patient, could take years but it will work out if you behave appropriately.

[Sweett]

You are doing something wrong, but don't know you enough to know what. Lowering your standards is definitely wrong. You are wasting time you could use to go out and find someone appropriate. Dating can be very exhausting, yes. It's definitely not the intimidation factor though. Sure, less educated women might seem have it better, but you don't compete for the same men. I have a Ph.D. and make six figures and I found someone in 5 months of dating. It looked like a disaster to me too until I found him. Remember you need just one to work out and select carefully. General advice, not knowing you: be selective, on the dates do not brag, ask more questions and talk less than the guy, when answering a question don'tramble, use as few words as possible, but don't be closed up, talk about personal topics, never be negative, dont criticize, dont complain, be kind, never call a man out or freak out on anything he does before he is your boyfriend (after you can complain, but not yell, few words more action). If he upsets you, just pull back. Make sure he is good enough for you and be patient, could take years but it will work out if you behave appropriately.

 

Obviously focusing on the wrong men is what i'm doing wrong. There is nothing wrong with my behavior at all but its wrong for someone like the previous poster to say not interested when u havent even conversed with me and don't know me. But i guess thats what it is.

[USMCHokie]

Ok, why would u say not interested when u haven't taken the time to know anything about me!!!

 

And why would you presume that men are "intimidated" by you?

 

My appearance is fine. Long hair, tall, nice body, work out several times a week!

I know the alcoholic wasnt college educated... Wow cant believe how shallow u are... Weird

 

The easiest and likely most effective way for women to improve dating prospects is to improve physical appearance.

[Geiss]

A lot of guys are not exactly thrilled about the woman being the breadwinner. You basically have to find someone who is on your level or higher. That is why a lot of career women are single. And it's only going to get worse as women continue to surpass men. It's another unintended consequence of feminism.

 

Personally it would intimidate me. I don't want to be the woman in the relationship. That's how I see it. What is the guy's purpose. What if you want to have a family in the future. Is the kid going to be raised in daycare or will you have a stay at home dad. Where he has to grovel to you to get money to go have a few beers at the pub. And then his friends take the piss out of him all the time for being the mother. Gender role reversal is not a good thing. I don't like it but that's just me.

 

So yeah I would have a problem with it. I would rather be with someone on my own level. And it's not very high.

[BluEyeL]

Ok, so don't focus on the wrong men. Read some self help books to figure out what you are doing wrong and be honest, it's in your own interest. Read the books until you memorize them if you have to. And more than anything, be kind. And don't talk a man to death.

[USMCHokie]

Obviously focusing on the wrong men is what i'm doing wrong.

 

You're either shooting too low (i.e., men are "intimidated") or you're shooting too high (i.e., men aren't interested in you).

 

There is nothing wrong with my behavior at all but its wrong for someone like the previous poster to say not interested when u havent even conversed with me and don't know me. But i guess thats what it is.

 

And "not interested" is not me saying that I'm not interested in you. It's me saying that when women think men are "intimidated" by them, the likely scenario is that men just aren't interested in them. So it's not a case of men being intimated by you. It's a case of them not being interested in you.

[Sweett]

And why would you presume that men are "intimidated" by you?

 

 

 

The easiest and likely most effective way for women to improve dating prospects is to improve physical appearance.

 

Oh ok im ugly now!! Lol! You're right being ugly will get me no where in life. Gosh i wish i wasnt so ugly to get thay alcoholic to unblock my number or to bring my ex back. If my ugly face just wasnt so ugly i could get u to like me. I m do ugly and unattractive no one looks at me and meen run. Lol. That what u want to here!? Lol!!!

[USMCHokie]

Oh ok im ugly now!! Lol! You're right being ugly will get me no where in life. Gosh i wish i wasnt so ugly to get thay alcoholic to unblock my number or to bring my ex back. If my ugly face just wasnt so ugly i could get u to like me. I m do ugly and unattractive no one looks at me and meen run. Lol. That what u want to here!? Lol!!!

 

I can see why men are "intimidated" by you...

[BluEyeL]

No offense, but you come across as a bit aggressive and emotional. That might be your problem. And lowering standards in the wrong way. Lots of men want an independent woman, it's a fact.

[Sweett]

You're either shooting too low (i.e., men are "intimidated") or you're shooting too high (i.e., men aren't interested in you).

 

 

 

And "not interested" is not me saying that I'm not interested in you. It's me saying that when women think men are "intimidated" by them, the likely scenario is that men just aren't interested in them. So it's not a case of men being intimated by you. It's a case of them not being interested in you.

 

Yeah u r right. Something is wrong with me that a guy can say not interested before he knows anything about me, this site is so full of attacking people!!!

[Sweett]

No offense, but you come across as a bit aggressive and emotional. That might be your problem. And lowering standards in the wrong way. Lots of men want an independent woman, it's a fact.

 

Yeah im not worth a damn! Thanks so much. I get it know. I will just continue to beat myself up!

[USMCHokie]

No offense, but you come across as a bit aggressive and emotional. That might be your problem.

 

That is impossible. See below:

 

There is nothing wrong with my behavior at all...

[Sweett]

That is impossible. See below:

 

Thanks! I get it now the alcoholic and cheater are goid people and im not. Thanks! Im not a good person! All of u have said it so i get it

[Sweett]

I guess i was to emotional and aggressive telling someone they pissed on my floor so he blocked my number! Gee what was i thinking i shoukd not have told him

[crude]

A lot of guys are not exactly thrilled about the woman being the breadwinner. You basically have to find someone who is on your level or higher. That is why a lot of career women are single. And it's only going to get worse as women continue to surpass men. It's another unintended consequence of feminism.

 

Personally it would intimidate me. I don't want to be the woman in the relationship. That's how I see it. What is the guy's purpose. What if you want to have a family in the future. Is the kid going to be raised in daycare or will you have a stay at home dad. Where he has to grovel to you to get money to go have a few beers at the pub. And then his friends take the piss out of him all the time for being the mother. Gender role reversal is not a good thing. I don't like it but that's just me.

 

So yeah I would have a problem with it. I would rather be with someone on my own level. And it's not very high.

 

 

Your attitude is typical of a certain type of thinking which I don't get. The purpose of a man is to be a father to his children and a partner to his wife, exactly the same as a wife's purpose. I see women doing a great job of making $$ and men doing a good job of staying home with the kids when that's appropriate. Who says anyone has to grovel for money in a decent marriage. If friends have that juvenile an attitude when a woman is successful, then they sound like losers who could never get a smart woman of their own.

[Geiss]

Your attitude is typical of a certain type of thinking which I don't get. The purpose of a man is to be a father to his children and a partner to his wife, exactly the same as a wife's purpose. I see women doing a great job of making $$ and men doing a good job of staying home with the kids when that's appropriate. Who says anyone has to grovel for money in a decent marriage. If friends have that juvenile an attitude when a woman is successful, then they sound like losers who could never get a smart woman of their own.

 

It might not just be friends but coworkers as well. It's emasculating and it's not good for a guy to feel that way. Obviously you have no problem with the destruction of the traditional role of male as provider. And with the female taking over the man's role it causes nothing but problems. As I said she resents him more and more over time, doesn't respect him and these marriages are more prone to divorce even more than the already high divorce numbers. I've read many stories about the problems with female breadwinners. One guy had to do just that. Grovel to his wife about getting some beer money and then she opens her pink purse to give him some. And then she complains about the birthday gifts and anniversary gifts because she knows it's being bought with her money. She didn't specify it as being theirs. Just hers when it came to things like that. No thanks. If you have no problem being the women in the relationship by all means, tuck it in and be a good girl. But that's not happening here. And don't forget men's role as father is also being tarnished and deemed unnecessary in our feminist society. And raising the kids. Feminists are trying hard to do it all and do it without men or fathers.

[Sweett]

A lot of guys are not exactly thrilled about the woman being the breadwinner. You basically have to find someone who is on your level or higher. That is why a lot of career women are single. And it's only going to get worse as women continue to surpass men. It's another unintended consequence of feminism.

 

Personally it would intimidate me. I don't want to be the woman in the relationship. That's how I see it. What is the guy's purpose. What if you want to have a family in the future. Is the kid going to be raised in daycare or will you have a stay at home dad. Where he has to grovel to you to get money to go have a few beers at the pub. And then his friends take the piss out of him all the time for being the mother. Gender role reversal is not a good thing. I don't like it but that's just me.

 

So yeah I would have a problem with it. I would rather be with someone on my own level. And it's not very high.

 

Finally a mature answer! Thanks for not attacking me. I do think im focusing on the wrong ones. My male friends that are older and know me well say im picking the wrong ones. These guys really know me and dont attack me calling me out like these posters on here. Thanks for your reply

[Sweett]

Your attitude is typical of a certain type of thinking which I don't get. The purpose of a man is to be a father to his children and a partner to his wife, exactly the same as a wife's purpose. I see women doing a great job of making $$ and men doing a good job of staying home with the kids when that's appropriate. Who says anyone has to grovel for money in a decent marriage. If friends have that juvenile an attitude when a woman is successful, then they sound like losers who could never get a smart woman of their own.

 

Another good mature point. Thank u.

[BluEyeL]

Your attitude is typical of a certain type of thinking which I don't get. The purpose of a man is to be a father to his children and a partner to his wife, exactly the same as a wife's purpose. I see women doing a great job of making $$ and men doing a good job of staying home with the kids when that's appropriate. Who says anyone has to grovel for money in a decent marriage. If friends have that juvenile an attitude when a woman is successful, then they sound like losers who could never get a smart woman of their own.

There are all kinds of people in the world, including those who think like Geiss. Who cares? There are also men who are more liberal and open minded, and we don't have to convince anyone to change, just associate with those who think like us. In the OPs case her career is definitely not the problem.

[Maleficent]

Join the club!

 

However, after reading the whole thread, I'll have to agree your attitude could be a problem. You seem very defensive and quick to assume people are misjudging you.

 

You could also be stuck in a dating pattern.