irc333 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 ...in real life? I have this female friend of mine, she just turned 50, cute, funny, and always positive. IN fact, that's probably what causes men to gravitate towards her. She's been single for a good long while but a lot of men IN her social circle have asked out her out, some times repetitively or would go out with her as "friends" but wind up expecting more. She tells me, that even though they seem like nice and great guys to spend time with, however, she just has no real physical attraction to them. Now, this is coming from a 50 year old woman, that...well, let's just say has recently put on some pounds in the last couple of years she's been single..and well...perhaps she should start considering at her age...she might want to loose the "hot hunk with the washboard abs" mentality. Granted some of the men in her age bracket have a few pounds on their belly themselves....I was wondering if she should start seeing the "light" in her standards on what she's looking for? The last guy she was in a relationship was highly slender, he didn't work out hardly, but was naturally thin...tanned and had a mullet cut. lol He was one of those guys that worked out doors with his shirt off all the time. Anyhow, just saying....esp. at some women's age here, where they can't afford to be picky...isn't it about time to alter your criteria to an age appropriate set of criteria?
crude Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Maybe she's not that needy or desperate for a man, so if he's not outstanding, he's not worth it to her. 6
sillyanswer Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Anyhow, just saying....esp. at some women's age here, where they can't afford to be picky...isn't it about time to alter your criteria to an age appropriate set of criteria? You're not just saying. You're getting judgemental about someone else's dating preferences (again). Do you want to date her? Did she turn you down? 3
Author irc333 Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 (edited) You're not just saying. You're getting judgemental about someone else's dating preferences (again). Do you want to date her? Did she turn you down? Yeah she did when I first met her....actually thought she was interested in me because she was the one that asked for my phone #. LOL, but what I liked about her is that she was rather honest about it, instead of doing the "fade" or blowing me off or evading the truth like most women have with me, just some how ...but we did wind up being pretty good friends though, so it's interesting hearing things from her perspective, but I even told her to kind of ease up on her expectations, and she admitted that she figures she is being a little too picky as of late. I know of some women like this where they have both friends AND family telling them to ease up on their shallow criteria. Edited July 27, 2013 by irc333 1
Mascara Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I'll agree with you when I regularly see dating profiles of paunchy gouty 50 year old men wanting a woman aged 50 to 70 with greying hair and a touch of arthritis. 5
xxoo Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 The question is: would she rather be alone or date the men she's rejecting? She'd rather be alone. And frankly, at 50, I can understand why she's comfortable being alone. There's absolutely nothing wrong with choosing to be single. 2
Author irc333 Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 That's not much to bring to the table? Or, it's negated by the fact that she's 50 and gaining weight? Bingo...it's negated pretty much. If you're not great looking yourself, physically, why expect a man to be better looking than you are and not consider your own equal in the physical. It's funny how she tells me how some of the men she's been asked out by are fat, but then I tell her, "Well, um....you may want to look in a mirror."
xxoo Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I am just saying, I get a kick out of people, in general, that don't have much to bring the table themselves, expecting someone to offer even MORE than they could even provide. Logically, if she is turning multiple men down, she has plenty to offer. Even at [gasp] 50. 2
KathyM Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 If she's cute, funny and positive, it sounds like she has some good things going for her. If she gets plenty of attention from men and has had a fair number of relationships in the past, it sounds like her expectations are not uncalled for. She's selective, and it sounds like she can get away with being very selective. 1
Author irc333 Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 Logically, if she is turning multiple men down, she has plenty to offer. Even at [gasp] 50. That argument doesn't hold much water, but I could come back with an argument just as weak where these guys that ask her out are self-aware of their own physical appearance that they know what kind of women to approach that are physically their equal in appearance. Another thing, just Google "The Husband Store" and you'll see how much sense it makes....it seems people are always looking for the bigger better deal to come along. Chances women and men consider dating women/men, some may even be attracted to them, but they try to hold out for better (Grass is always greener mentality).
xxoo Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 That argument doesn't hold much water, but I could come back with an argument just as weak where these guys that ask her out are self-aware of their own physical appearance that they know what kind of women to approach that are physically their equal in appearance. Another thing, just Google "The Husband Store" and you'll see how much sense it makes....it seems people are always looking for the bigger better deal to come along. Chances women and men consider dating women/men, some may even be attracted to them, but they try to hold out for better (Grass is always greener mentality). She doesn't want a fat guy. She'd rather be alone. How much clearer can it be? The guys would rather have a fat woman than be alone, so they approach her. That doesn't mean the fat woman is obligated to want them. 4
Author irc333 Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 She doesn't want a fat guy. She'd rather be alone. How much clearer can it be? The guys would rather have a fat woman than be alone, so they approach her. That doesn't mean the fat woman is obligated to want them. Okay, to put it more bluntly, or to add to it "Fat girls don't want a fat guy, fat guys don't want fat girls to date". Each corresponding party wants someone that's Hot...which can be problematic for both. Let's just say a you're out with a friend, and that friend says, "Man, all the women here are fat...let's blow this joint" And the friend says, "Huh? You're fat, too, dude....go ask that fat girl out, you may hit it off!" LOL I got this male, heavy weight friend that's always chasing the petite athletic women for some wierd reason, and he's always getting rejected by them. I'm like "dude, you should hit the treadmill or find a woman with some meat on her bones!"
AD1980 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Nobodies obligated to be with someone they arent atteacted to..im not a attractive man yet i will not go out with a women i have no attraction to which is why ive been signle for 33 years but id rather be alone then be with somebody because its in my league looks wise so to speak that i have no physical attraction to. Having a connection with people im not attracted to sexually is why i have friends i need my partner to turn me on visually at least a little. 1
PJKino Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I have no problems not dating people you dont find attractive no matter what you look like i do the same but i find it funny that these women with the you go girl attitude for the women the op's talking about would be the same women to chastise a fat man and call him shallow if the roles were reversed or if a fat guy made a thread talking about how he wont date other fat women and hes tired of them hitting on him...
somedude81 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Is she happy being single or has she complained about how she can't find "any good men?"
xxoo Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 If the woman were here complaining, I'd tell her to improve herself to attract the men she wants. There is no inconsistency when I tell men the same thing.
Mascara Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 She's probably fully aware what she looks like. Because this - http://guidetowomen.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/men-vs-women-mirror-jokes.jpg?w=640 2
William Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Do you keep turning down men that ask you out? ...in real life? Anyhow, just saying....esp. at some women's age here, where they can't afford to be picky...isn't it about time to alter your criteria to an age appropriate set of criteria? So, members, do you keep turning down men who ask you out? What's your perspective on your criteria for accepting or rejecting a man's offer to date you? Topical, civil and respectful responses are welcomed. Thanks.
xxoo Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Another thing, just Google "The Husband Store" and you'll see how much sense it makes....it seems people are always looking for the bigger better deal to come along. Chances women and men consider dating women/men, some may even be attracted to them, but they try to hold out for better (Grass is always greener mentality). When a woman finds a man she really wants, she stops shopping. And it usually isn't mostly about looks. Ultimately, it's about feelings. 3
Pod81 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 For every woman that SEEMS to be very picky and have high standards, there are an equal amount of attractive women who date or are married to guys who are not what I'd consider "universally attractive". It all averages out, so why bother? If she rejected you, then move onto the next woman! I will have to admit that this is mild pet peeve of mine too (sedentary girls who demand their guys be fit, girls who are 5 feet tall demanding their guys to be over 6 feet tall, girls with dead end jobs demanding their guys to have a high powered job, etc), but I've learned to just say screw it, let them be choosy - even if it means they'd rather be single the rest of their lives than date someone who doesn't fit their requirements. There are plenty of other women out there who don't have such well defined requirements and offer more leeway.
Imajerk17 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I don't know. To reverse the genders here, there are a lot of "great girls" whom I feel no desire to ask out. They're wonderful and (according to many people) physically attractive. Yet I'm just not feeling it towards them. I had no idea this was a problem. 1
Mascara Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I find the whole notion that we're only supposed to be attracted to clones a bit weird. 3
thefooloftheyear Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 For every woman that SEEMS to be very picky and have high standards, there are an equal amount of attractive women who date or are married to guys who are not what I'd consider "universally attractive". It all averages out, so why bother? If she rejected you, then move onto the next woman! I will have to admit that this is mild pet peeve of mine too (sedentary girls who demand their guys be fit, girls who are 5 feet tall demanding their guys to be over 6 feet tall, girls with dead end jobs demanding their guys to have a high powered job, etc), but I've learned to just say screw it, let them be choosy - even if it means they'd rather be single the rest of their lives than date someone who doesn't fit their requirements. There are plenty of other women out there who don't have such well defined requirements and offer more leeway. Exactly.. Just because thats what they want, doesnt mean you have to participate in it... TFY
pcplod Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 ...in real life? I have this female friend of mine, she just turned 50, cute, funny, and always positive. IN fact, that's probably what causes men to gravitate towards her. She's been single for a good long while but a lot of men IN her social circle have asked out her out, some times repetitively or would go out with her as "friends" but wind up expecting more. She tells me, that even though they seem like nice and great guys to spend time with, however, she just has no real physical attraction to them. Now, this is coming from a 50 year old woman, that...well, let's just say has recently put on some pounds in the last couple of years she's been single..and well...perhaps she should start considering at her age...she might want to loose the "hot hunk with the washboard abs" mentality. Granted some of the men in her age bracket have a few pounds on their belly themselves....I was wondering if she should start seeing the "light" in her standards on what she's looking for? The last guy she was in a relationship was highly slender, he didn't work out hardly, but was naturally thin...tanned and had a mullet cut. lol He was one of those guys that worked out doors with his shirt off all the time. Anyhow, just saying....esp. at some women's age here, where they can't afford to be picky...isn't it about time to alter your criteria to an age appropriate set of criteria? The assumption behind your question is that she is not satisfied with her single status or shouldn't be satisfied with it. Is she happy to remain single unless she meets her version of Mr Right? Lots of folks appear to get permanently hitched on a "make do", contingency basis and more often than to it proves to be a mistake of masochistic or suicidal proportions. Sometimes it is best to just accept what is as it is and if that means you are going to remain single, even if your objective is not to remain single, then so be it. So, in short, I don't think she should lower her standards. It would be a disaster not only for her, but for any unfortunate who was the subject of such a decision. You are inferring that she is not being pragmatic, when in reality that is exactly what she is doing. Let's call it being honest with herself. The guys get lucky as a result.
pcplod Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Yeah she did when I first met her....actually thought she was interested in me because she was the one that asked for my phone #. LOL, but what I liked about her is that she was rather honest about it, instead of doing the "fade" or blowing me off or evading the truth like most women have with me, just some how ...but we did wind up being pretty good friends though, so it's interesting hearing things from her perspective, but I even told her to kind of ease up on her expectations, and she admitted that she figures she is being a little too picky as of late. I know of some women like this where they have both friends AND family telling them to ease up on their shallow criteria. So you experienced "unrequited love" or whatever with her. You liked her enough, but she didn't like you well enough and somehow out of that her judgement or choices are suspect. Hmm. Biased any? Whether you like the idea or not, she did you a favour. Honest.
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