Dating a woman with kids

[CM2009]

Ok LS family I've been going back and forth with this for the last few weeks. I don't know if I can do dealing with a woman with kids anymore. I've done it before and was actually married to a woman with 2 kids from a previous relationship, I myself do not have kids but I'm ready to get married and start a family of my own. When my ex left i was attached to her boys and it was hard getting over that as well because I really did enjoy being a father. We got married when I was 24 and she was 27 so I was pretty young, but even after divorce pretty much all I've dealt with is woman with kids and it seems that's all I attract lol. And before I continue I don't have nothing against woman with kids, not at all I love kids a lot but at this point in my life I want to date someone without kids and have that feeling as though its just us. I was recently seeing a girl who had a son and last Friday we were scheduled to go out for dinner but she had to cancel because she couldn't find a babysitter. And for some reason I was mentally done, because when I want to do something with my significant other I want us to be able to go without any restrictions, I just want to know am I being selfish and maybe the right woman would come around even if she has a child or should I not settle and go for what I want? I was also talking to a good friend of mines and she said that "a mother with a child would appreciate you especially if the father is a dead beat." True but also I don't want to have to share anything anymore, but anyway LS family I would greatly appreciate your words and thought....

[theloyalone1]

I wouldn't look at it as selfish more as your preference.

I'm 28 and have zero children and prefer to meet a man

With no kids as well, but u can't help who you fall for.

And I agree with your friend, a woman with a child

And no father figure would adore you. So hang in there

[Mascara]

I think it's perfectly reasonable to want to be with someone at the same life stage as you. My kids are grown up, and although at 42 it's quite common for men my age to still have young kids, I prefer to date those without. That part of my life is over.

[Phantom888]

I am a single dad with 2 kids. I only date women with kids, so we have potential to start a future together with lots of kids in the house. . I have dated women with no kids or grown kids. Never worked for me.

[rocketman122]

dating women with kids-good for:

-those who are independent and dont care to meet often because you are not priority and you get whatever time she has available. but it all depends how old the children are. the pace can be slow as well till you "prove" yourself.

 

dating single women good for

-those who want to spend more time together. can do things together at a moments notice because there are no kids/responsibilities first. if youre more clingy want to be priority in the relationship. but if she has a lot of free time on her hands she might be very clingy and obsessed. I myself am not independent nor clingy but I like to lean on my partner and want the same. not the you stay there and I stay here and well meet once in a while. and not into the obsessed who want to meet 4-5 times a week.

 

Im going to comment on the "id rather date someone who has children because I do" having no luggage is a plus in everyway possible except for 1. the fact that having a child teaches you things. but it doesnt mean a single person wont be a great parent naturally. so parents who started were crap parents and only later became great parents?

 

I love and get along with kids great. I dont want my own but im a great parent. I got along great with every child of the woman I dated.

 

parents dating other parents might be good for building a family because you have the mindset of a parent. but a single person has much more pluses IMO. but the problem is biased love for their own children (obvious) not being available to date often. the partner is not priority. and financial problems are things a parent wanting to date another parent will have.

 

I as a single am available to date openly as I have more time. no competition between children for love. I make her and her children priority.

 

imo there are a lot more minuses with parents dating parents, compared to a parent dating a single person. by single I mean no children and not marital status (divorced etc)

Edited July 28, 2013 by rocketman122

[soccerrprp]

In my age group, 40+, I have ONLY dated women with younger children. I have two children 5 and 8. We seem to be attracted to one another and it makes sense. For the longest time, I thought my preference was for women with young children, but I am open to single women w/o children, though less comfortable with that.

 

I love being a father, dad and creating a blended is appealing to me. Anyway, currently dating a woman with a 2.5 yr old. It's all good. You just do the best you can. I am okay not seeing my SO often, so it's not a huge deal if things don't work out at times. If it becomes, chronic, then the relationship needs to be reexamined. But, in the end, both parties NEED to make time for each other.

 

Good luck. Just don't date ladies with kids.

[irc333]

I am a bit on the fence about dating single moms, but I DO take it on a case-by-case basis and factor in the considerations.

 

1. The age of the children - If they are teenagers or pre-teens, you'll probably get more alone and date time with the mother because at least they know how to operate the microwave, know how to wash their hands, wipe their noses, and other common practices an older human being can perform.

 

2. Children that are OUT of the house and off to college - pretty obvious here, the mother has the "empty nester" thing going on and has all the time in the world now.

 

3. The behavior of the children - plays a BIG factor here....like if the kid acts up, you yell at HER kid for it....well...it's a great test to see what her reaction is to you saying something to her kid.

 

4. Full or partial custody - FULL custody, forget dating the lady, seriously. Partial custody at least you have a shot.

 

I recall though, having to deal with a single mother that did have joint custody with the husband that didn't live that far away. The daughter was a Jr High School girl that was popular at her school, so she had a lot of friends.

 

The mother lived in an Apt complex with a pool, her father did not have a pool...so she spent most of her time with her and her friends swimming...of course the mother had to stick around and supervise

 

PLUS, you're having to deal with soccer practice, ballet recitals, basically...if you're dating a single mother, you even take a back seat to the child's extracurricular activities AND that child's social life. Yeah, not all that appealing I know. LOL

 

 

dating women with kids-good for:

-those who are independent and dont care to meet often because you are not priority and you get whatever time she has available. but it all depends how old the children are. the pace can be slow as well till you "prove" yourself.

 

dating single women good for

-those who want to spend more time together. can do things together at a moments notice because there are no kids/responsibilities first. if youre more clingy want to be priority in the relationship. but if she has a lot of free time on her hands she might be very clingy and obsessed. I myself am not independent nor clingy but I like to lean on my partner and want the same. not the you stay there and I stay here and well meet once in a while. and not into the obsessed who want to meet 4-5 times a week.

 

Im going to comment on the "id rather date someone who has children because I do" having no luggage is a plus in everyway possible except for 1. the fact that having a child teaches you things. but it doesnt mean a single person wont be a great parent naturally. so parents who started were crap parents and only later became great parents?

 

I love and get along with kids great. I dont want my own but im a great parent. I got along great with every child of the woman I dated.

 

parents dating other parents might be good for building a family because you have the mindset of a parent. but a single person has much more pluses IMO. but the problem is biased love for their own children (obvious) not being available to date often. the partner is not priority. and financial problems are things a parent wanting to date another parent will have.

 

I as a single am available to date openly as I have more time. no competition between children for love. I make her and her children priority.

 

imo there are a lot more minuses with parents dating parents, compared to a parent dating a single person. by single I mean no children and not marital status (divorced etc)

Edited July 28, 2013 by irc333

[BradJacobs]

It's like buying things on sale. Sometimes it's a great deal and other times it isn't.

 

Outside of the children you also have the father/baby daddy which may or may not influence things.

 

The child(ren) will always be with them. The other guy(s) may not.

 

Up to you how you want to proceed but go in with eyes wide open because it's a different dynamic than dating a woman without children.

[MrTurk]

I've been married to a woman with kids, and dated one before that. I dont know if I will ever do it again, unless her kids are older(high school age or up)

 

Because mothers will always have a biased view of their kids. Even if you catch the kid red-handed doing something wrong, most mothers will turn into a defense attorney, trying to argue away the guilt of the child.

 

Many single moms complain that single men tend to avoid them because they have kids. Too many single moms spare the rod to gain popularity with their kids after a divorce. Kids take advantage of that...and frankly act like brats, with little or no disipline. THATS why myself and so many other guys avoid single moms.

[CM2009]

I wouldn't look at it as selfish more as your preference.

I'm 28 and have zero children and prefer to meet a man

With no kids as well, but u can't help who you fall for.

And I agree with your friend, a woman with a child

And no father figure would adore you. So hang in there

 

That is so true, I mean I've dated my fair share and for the most part I have enjoyed dating woman with children. At the same time as I've gotten older and been in relationships where I've clearly stated I want kids of my own, I've been told yes I want that to but when it got really serious they did a complete 180....

[CM2009]

I am a single dad with 2 kids. I only date women with kids, so we have potential to start a future together with lots of kids in the house. . I have dated women with no kids or grown kids. Never worked for me.

 

Yeah I have thought about that as well, thinking if I had a kid already I would be fine dating a person with kids. I guess the fact I've been through it enough and have been told one thing and later on they say something else kind of has me looking sided eye lol

[CM2009]

dating women with kids-good for:

-those who are independent and dont care to meet often because you are not priority and you get whatever time she has available. but it all depends how old the children are. the pace can be slow as well till you "prove" yourself.

 

dating single women good for

-those who want to spend more time together. can do things together at a moments notice because there are no kids/responsibilities first. if youre more clingy want to be priority in the relationship. but if she has a lot of free time on her hands she might be very clingy and obsessed. I myself am not independent nor clingy but I like to lean on my partner and want the same. not the you stay there and I stay here and well meet once in a while. and not into the obsessed who want to meet 4-5 times a week.

 

Im going to comment on the "id rather date someone who has children because I do" having no luggage is a plus in everyway possible except for 1. the fact that having a child teaches you things. but it doesnt mean a single person wont be a great parent naturally. so parents who started were crap parents and only later became great parents?

 

I love and get along with kids great. I dont want my own but im a great parent. I got along great with every child of the woman I dated.

 

parents dating other parents might be good for building a family because you have the mindset of a parent. but a single person has much more pluses IMO. but the problem is biased love for their own children (obvious) not being available to date often. the partner is not priority. and financial problems are things a parent wanting to date another parent will have.

 

I as a single am available to date openly as I have more time. no competition between children for love. I make her and her children priority.

 

imo there are a lot more minuses with parents dating parents, compared to a parent dating a single person. by single I mean no children and not marital status (divorced etc)

 

 

I agree with everything you said in your post, in a sense you describe a lot of my enter feelings regarding it. And to keep in mind anyone who reads this I'm not downing mothers with kids, recap I was married to a woman with 2 kids so I clearly I didn't have an issue. It's just the fact I think I want to try dating a woman with no kids. And Rocketman brought up the first reason, if I want to get up at a moments notice and go to let's say Miami we can do that right then and there because of no children to find a babysitter for. Now one thing I do like about the women i dated with kids is that she is settled and structured, I like things to be settled and solid. I know there are single woman like that but the mothers I've dated had it settled so that's a great plus in my book.

 

But Rocketman you seem to have a good mindset about it, I just like you have gotten along with each of the children so to me that's not an issues and only one time I had to put a father in check and that was only when he talked to the woman who I was dating crazy....

[CM2009]

In my age group, 40+, I have ONLY dated women with younger children. I have two children 5 and 8. We seem to be attracted to one another and it makes sense. For the longest time, I thought my preference was for women with young children, but I am open to single women w/o children, though less comfortable with that.

 

I love being a father, dad and creating a blended is appealing to me. Anyway, currently dating a woman with a 2.5 yr old. It's all good. You just do the best you can. I am okay not seeing my SO often, so it's not a huge deal if things don't work out at times. If it becomes, chronic, then the relationship needs to be reexamined. But, in the end, both parties NEED to make time for each other.

 

Good luck. Just don't date ladies with kids.

 

Thank you so much I really appreciate your advice. I do agree being a dad in my case a stepdad was a wonderful experience and that right there made me want at least one of my own so I can see what he or she would look like and what traits would the child have of me and the mother

[CM2009]

I am a bit on the fence about dating single moms, but I DO take it on a case-by-case basis and factor in the considerations.

 

1. The age of the children - If they are teenagers or pre-teens, you'll probably get more alone and date time with the mother because at least they know how to operate the microwave, know how to wash their hands, wipe their noses, and other common practices an older human being can perform.

 

2. Children that are OUT of the house and off to college - pretty obvious here, the mother has the "empty nester" thing going on and has all the time in the world now.

 

3. The behavior of the children - plays a BIG factor here....like if the kid acts up, you yell at HER kid for it....well...it's a great test to see what her reaction is to you saying something to her kid.

 

4. Full or partial custody - FULL custody, forget dating the lady, seriously. Partial custody at least you have a shot.

 

I recall though, having to deal with a single mother that did have joint custody with the husband that didn't live that far away. The daughter was a Jr High School girl that was popular at her school, so she had a lot of friends.

 

The mother lived in an Apt complex with a pool, her father did not have a pool...so she spent most of her time with her and her friends swimming...of course the mother had to stick around and supervise

 

PLUS, you're having to deal with soccer practice, ballet recitals, basically...if you're dating a single mother, you even take a back seat to the child's extracurricular activities AND that child's social life. Yeah, not all that appealing I know. LOL

 

You brought up a great point with the extracurricular activities, I was dating a mom once, her boys were so deep into football (by the way I love as well) that anytime I would ask her let's go out its always I gotta take my kids to practice or we have a team meeting to go to (she's the team Mom) so we could never get any alone time. And she was a good woman and I would've gotten serious with her but we can never get that time to ourselves to see what could happen. We talked from March til May and we've went out only twice and one time it was taking the kids to go see that new Iron man movie....

[CM2009]

It's like buying things on sale. Sometimes it's a great deal and other times it isn't.

 

Outside of the children you also have the father/baby daddy which may or may not influence things.

 

The child(ren) will always be with them. The other guy(s) may not.

 

Up to you how you want to proceed but go in with eyes wide open because it's a different dynamic than dating a woman without children.

 

That is always something in the back of my mind but what's funny I've been blessed to have only one incident involving a child's father and that was when he was talking crazy to the lady I was dating and I had to check him on that. But for the most part the Dad's weren't in the picture at all so it was pretty easy for me....

[irc333]

Yeah, that was a NEW factor I had ran into when dating a single mother, never even thought about the whole extra-curricular activity situation with the kids.

 

I knew of a guy that had to call it off with a woman because she was a Den mother in the cub scouts an she was always doing camp outs on the weekends.

 

He suggested bringing his own tent to join them, but she didn't think it was good idea and may confuse her son.

 

The kids have more hobbies than the single mother. lol So you'll always be competing with that, too. So I just need to find a single mom with a kid that always sits home playing video games. lol j/k

 

 

You brought up a great point with the extracurricular activities, I was dating a mom once, her boys were so deep into football (by the way I love as well) that anytime I would ask her let's go out its always I gotta take my kids to practice or we have a team meeting to go to (she's the team Mom) so we could never get any alone time. And she was a good woman and I would've gotten serious with her but we can never get that time to ourselves to see what could happen. We talked from March til May and we've went out only twice and one time it was taking the kids to go see that new Iron man movie....