neurodude Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Really, my heart was in the right place. I really liked this girl and I went all out to help her with the standardized test that pretty much dictates her career. I have her ~2k worth of material that I could have just sold, and ever worse I've been spending 3 hours a day after working 9-5 trying to teach her. I'm not Mother Teresa, I did all this in the hope that she would see the good guy I am and just give me a freaking chance. No. We're sitting at lunch the other day and what does the B**** do, she tells me that she is making plans to meet her friends for drinks after work (and yes, forgoing studying to go drinking, such a winner). I make a joke about, oh hey is boyfriend going too, and she replies that "we're not going out yet, but there is this guy and he'll come too". The whole time we're sitting together she is texting him. She even showed me the the picture he sent her (really wasn't funny at all...not even the least.) So she decides that they will all go drinking at 7. Never invites me. We finish work at 4, and I say let's study for a few hours. No, she wants to take the afternoon off, probably to go freshen up before she meets the guy and her friends. She has never gone anywhere outside of work with me. She freaks out whenever I touch her (and by touch I mean putting my arm around her to move her away from a spider web she was walking right into, and asking her to give me a hand to get up). And now she nonchalantly tells me about this guy. Really? I'm sorry, I want out. I don't want to help her any longer. I have feeling and they are crushed. I sit there and help her for 3 hours exhausted from 7 hours of working, and never get a thank you. So, I'm bettering some other as****'s girl now. Great, that's where I am in life. No thank you. How do I get out of this sh**hole I got myself into. She thinks we're buddies too now. I can just see it coming soon, she'll start talking about him. Please, please how do I get out of this.
Author neurodude Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 And to add to this, I knew her for ~6 months now. I asked her to get something to eat with me two months ago (before we starting studying) and she told me "I have to babysit". Does a 20+ year old girl still babysit? Really, the only things she does do are: answer my texts, laugh at my jokes, and smile at me all the time. I'm such a loser. I really need to move on. Why did I waste so much of my time? If a girl doesn't like you she never will. I wonder if that POS she wants to date would spend all the time and resources I did trying to make her into something she isn't. I bet he never would because he prob just wants to get her drunk and get into her pants.
Author neurodude Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 Oh yeah, and she never invites me to eat outside with her. The only time we do is when I see her outside and sit with her. Maybe I had this coming because I always joke with her being so busy with her friends and boyfriend (I knew she didn't have one) and always going on dates when we need to study? I highly doubt she was making any of this up though. i really think she met a guy and I mean absolutely nothing to her.
soccerrprp Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 . I'm not Mother Teresa, I did all this in the hope that she would see the good guy I am and just give me a freaking chance. No. neurodude, No, definitely not Mother Teresa. This tells me that your intentions were not selfless and w/ ulterior motive. So, you tried, you failed and you need to move on if you are not TRULY interested in helping her with her studies. Did she EVER show any interest in you? That is, to date you? It is likely that she knows that you have stronger feelings and is now using you. She seems repelled by your physical touch and that certainly reveals that she is not only NOT into you, but that she may find you objectionable, but is trying to contain that so that you will continue to help her. Yes, 20-year olds do babysit sometimes. You gave her the materials, so you should either let her keep them or take them back and be regarded as a lying jerk. Your call, of course, but it looks like you're being played right now. Good luck! 2
Author neurodude Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 Oh, she can keep the materials, it's no problem. The problem is that I offered to help her. I keep going out of my way, she isn't asking for the help. While she never says "thank you" or gives me a hug, she does say that i really don't have to but she appreciates it. Or if she doesn't want the help a certain time she'll tell me not to worry about it. I created this mess because I don't know how to deal with women. I just kept offering and offering in the hope that I could help her and she would see this and develop feelings. The feelings are never going to come clearly. If we've known each other for this long and she never invites me to eat with her outside, never invites me out with her friends (like she did with some random guy she likes), and never wants contact then there will never be anything. I realize all this now, but I messed this up and I need to fix it somehow. Do I just start making excuses or tell her the truth. I want her focus to be on the test and not me.
Author neurodude Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 Oh and she told me that she finishes at four but has to babysit at 5. I find that very hard to believe. She did feel bad afterwards though and texted me that I should still go get that ice cream. On the following Monday she came and found me and asked me how my weekend was. I told her it was miserable.
Author neurodude Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 Also, the other thing is that I don't think she actually cares about studying. She cares more about finding a boyfriend of her hertiage than anything else (and I'm not of her heritage (she is Jewish)) We had to cut many study sessions short because her friends were in town. Her priorities are not straight, when I studied for the test you couldn't get me out of my room.
Author neurodude Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 neurodude, Did she EVER show any interest in you? That is, to date you? Good luck! I guess not. She smiles at me all the time. Laughs at my jokes. Kids with me. Talks to me. Answers my texts quickly. But, none of this means she wants to date me, I know that. HOWEVER, she never initiates any contact whatsoever. She never texts first.
ChessPieceFace Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 You might think you are Mr. Nice Guy but you sound like Mr. Passive Aggressive to me. If a girl doesn't like you, she doesn't like you. And acting like a doormat is one of the worst things you can do, always. A girl you like better like you, or you will resent her? Seriously, grow up. Move on. Unless you have some actual obligation to help her with this test you may as well stop helping her with it. It's clear you won't be able to remain friends with her. You only helped to try to get her to go out with you and that isn't happening. If she can't pass the test on her own at this point, maybe she shouldn't pass it, so don't feel bad about cutting off the help. You helped a lot, that's enough. 10
ExpatInItaly Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 (edited) Leave her alone. She isn't interested, and doesn't sound like she ever really was. No, you were under no obligation to help her. And she is under no obligation to date you in return. This "b*tch" has the right to friendzone you. Back off. Jeez. Edited July 27, 2013 by ExpatInItaly 3
ExpatInItaly Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Also, the other thing is that I don't think she actually cares about studying. She cares more about finding a boyfriend of her hertiage than anything else (and I'm not of her heritage (she is Jewish)) We had to cut many study sessions short because her friends were in town. Her priorities are not straight, when I studied for the test you couldn't get me out of my room. Who cares? What a holier-than-thou, sour grapes attitude. Grow up and get over it. 1
charlietheginger Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Pull away ..... What you do is slowly stop texting calling... In a few weeks she will miss the attention. When she ask you hey how you been. Repley Oh buzy school work met this girl and we went on 2 dates ... Her repley will be thats good for you Your repley i have to go she is texting me wanting To hangout again. cya around. She will see your not available and you canr give Her the attention. Chances are she will try to get You to pay more attention to her. If she does say Well i really like this girl i met. I dont want her upset About me talking to other girls i mean its not like You and me were ever dating. Feel out her replies she might offer to date you She might be like o.k bye. If she says you two could date say well i like this Other girl but i like you better If she calls it quits chances are she was never really Interested in you
TaraMaiden Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Is she the fool for behaving this way, or are you the bigger fool for playing into it with ulterior motives? You brought this on yourself. Clearly, you've been giving her so much PRACTICAL help, it's never occurred to her you have anything other than an academic interest. You great, big ol' romantic softie, you! Sorry. If you've been doing all this in the hope of getting your leg over eventually, then more fool - and shame on - you. 1
sillyanswer Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 She has never gone anywhere outside of work with me. She freaks out whenever I touch her I'm sorry, I want out. Dude, you're not "in". There's nothing to get "out" of. If you want to stop helping her just don't offer, or tell her you're busy if she asks. 1
Joaquin Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 (edited) Most people would get the girl first and then because they love the girl and are in committed relationship with an eye to the future provide the kinda support u were. You were acting like some sort of father figure to her, and then u wonder why u cant get in her panties. Bizarre. I do think she led u on tho. Edited July 27, 2013 by Joaquin 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 This is seriously creeping me out. That's the type of anger and resentment that lurks under the "nice guy" facade. Women can sense it, no wonder she is repelled. 2
CC12 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 If you want to stop helping her just don't offer Seriously. You said she doesn't ask for your help. So just stop helping her. Or if you really want to burn a bridge and end the friendship, you can show her this thread so she can see how you called her a bitch and where you admit you were only helping her because you wanted her to date you. You have a really poor opinion of the other guy, and you think he probably just wants to get in her pants. How is he any different from you? If I wanted to paint you in a negative light, I could say that you're only helping her because you want to get in her pants, and I wouldn't be far off the mark, would I? You said your heart was in the right place, but I don't think it was. You just haven't realized it yet. You were trying to buy someone's affection, using favors as your currency. Women (and people in general) do not operate like vending machines. You don't just drop in a coin and out comes the thing you want. Never do favors expecting something in return. If you do, you're being manipulative. Only do favors for others if it makes you feel good, or if you're honestly interested in them bettering themselves or whatever. Don't do favors in the pursuit of gaining something and don't get angry when favors aren't repaid in the way you think they should be. I don't think you're a bad guy, I think you're misguided and you haven't really sat down and questioned your motives and whether or not you're being a fair, upstanding, respectable person. You should always be questioning yourself about these things. We all should. But you seriously have no right to feel like some sort of victim, or like she wronged you somehow. And to speak about her the way you did here in your posts? It really reflects poorly on you. 3
ExpatInItaly Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 This is seriously creeping me out. That's the type of anger and resentment that lurks under the "nice guy" facade. Women can sense it, no wonder she is repelled. Exactly. It's disturbing. She didn't return the affection and so she's a bitch? She freaks out when you touch her? Yikes.
Els Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I think someone once said something like: "Women aren't vending machines that you put niceness coins into and get a relationship/sex out of after a certain number of coins." Frankly, if you can't help someone without expecting them to be romantically interested in you in exchange for it... don't. Start having boundaries and stop being a doormat hoping for a girl to fall for that.
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