feelinghopeless89 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I have been on this forum non-stop recently because I am still having a really hard time coping and accepting the break up. I have been in 2 long term relationships before, but never have been the one to dump. After both breakup the guys told me how amazing I was and scared they were making a mistake blah blah ... Long story short ... It's been hell for me! My question is... Do the dumpers ever go through this pain and missing the ex so much it hurts? Do they struggle with trying to get over and not think about all the amazing memories like us dumpees do? Thanks in advance for the input. This forum really has been so helpful and as sad as it is, it is also comforting we are not alone.
jesse93 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 of course, just because you're the dumper doesnt mean you're unable to feel emotion and sadness towards the break up I'm currently the dumpee but i believe the dumper can feel just as much pain as the dumpee depending on how the break up went. Sometimes the dumper knows that they want to break up and that it isn't meant to work out so after breaking up they don't feel as bad as the dumpee would but i think sometimes the dumper believes its the right thing to do, they still love them but they believe it has to be done but that doesn't mean they can't feel as if they want them back. i think it all depends on the situation.
aloneinaz Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I've ended all my long term relationships except the last one (that I should have ended). Here's how it works in a dumpers mind. * They fall out of love w/the person and don't feel the relationship has legs. * They think about ending it several weeks or months before hand while emotionally detaching themselves from the person. * They feel a ton of relief and feel like a ton of bricks are off their shoulders once they tell the other person and are on their way home. * They don't typically spend a lot of time thinking about the dumpee. They are focused on their future and who to spend it with. Do dumpers EVER think about the dumpee, YES. But it's usually when they are in a dry spell, are lonely and haven't met anyone new yet. That's when they SOMETIMES reappear and make contact with the dumpee. I did contact a couple of dumpees afterward but I didn't want to get back together, just wanted to hang out and possibly have sex. I know this sounds cold and maybe I'm paying for it now with how my ex treated me. She checked out a couple of months before ending our toxic relationship. She denied it when I challenged her but to me, looking back at it, it's obvious. I don't feel that bad because she's an emotionally unstable person and I wasn't terribly happy w/her the last few months either. We haven't spoken since nor do I ever plan to talk to her again due to what a bitch she was.
Chris5012 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I have been on this forum non-stop recently because I am still having a really hard time coping and accepting the break up. I have been in 2 long term relationships before, but never have been the one to dump. After both breakup the guys told me how amazing I was and scared they were making a mistake blah blah ... Long story short ... It's been hell for me! My question is... Do the dumpers ever go through this pain and missing the ex so much it hurts? Do they struggle with trying to get over and not think about all the amazing memories like us dumpees do? Thanks in advance for the input. This forum really has been so helpful and as sad as it is, it is also comforting we are not alone. Absolutely. I was a recent dumper and dumped her due to her brazen infidelity. YES, it hurts and would have hurt had there been no infidelity. It ALWAYS hurts the dumper, and if it doesn't, then the dumper isn't human. Trust me, guy dumpers hurt, just don't show their emotions....
Author feelinghopeless89 Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 Thanks for the input! @alone I think my situation was a little different because his ex/mother of his child came back unexpectedly so he didn't really have months to unattach himself.. Actually 2 weeks before hand we were looking at houses together. For months he kept going on with how confused he was and all of his mixed emotions between us. He ended up getting her pregnant (again) and after that I was completely done. I see pictures of them now and they seem so happy and since I haven't fully accepted the situation, I don't understand how he could be so much better. I don't think ill ever know reality, but I always wonder if inside it is hard for them as well.
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