She's a Stubborn One

[LordSquidworth]

So the girlfriend broke up with me about a month and a half ago. Did everything wrong first week, went no contact for a week and a half while I hit rock bottom and got my stuff together, sent her an apology email, we've slowly talked more and more.

 

After the email, I don't initiate a conversation. I let her come to me. First she texts every couple days, then its the occasional phone call, then a phone call everyday, now it's phone calls + texts daily. Each stage has been about a week.

 

She obviously still has expectations. Here birthday was two Wednesdays ago. I didn't say anything so around 2:30 pm she started texting/calling to check on my dogs. She uses my dogs as a way to communicate with me. Other things to go with this.

 

She always has an excuse to talk to me. They're getting... less believable... Called the other day, left a voicemail saying she just wanted to let me know she wasn't ignoring her, except I didn't try to contact her... She talks to me everyday?

 

Sent her flowers today and last week. Positive responses. She gets a little bashful. Today though... She's maintained contact with me all day which is different. Made multiple references to our time together. But... she's still in defeatist mode. Really depressing.

 

Problem is, I'm pretty sure if I say much she will feel rushed and shut down. Well I know she will. She's done it a couple times if I respond too much. She asked for time and space, I'm not sure she realizes that's exactly what I've given her. I'm not sure she realizes the reason we speak daily, is 100% her. I have not started a single conversation. When I ignore her once in awhile even, she'll keep going till she gets a response.

 

We broke up because I wasn't listening, she got frustrated. I was finishing school. I was managing my rental property and living in it. Since we broke up, no longer in school and moved out of that property (felt like I had 6 kids... stressed me beyond breaking so I wouldn't breakdown, but I was always on edge) and have started listening to her. I threw her a curveball. She thought I'd never change. Then I did everything she wanted.

 

She's 22. Never not lived at her parents. Modest. Stubborn.

 

I'm not sure if I continue how I have been. Sorta being there but not being there. When she wants to communicate I respond, most of the time. Or do something else, but nothing too direct. I have left town. Currently 60 miles away from her, not too far but not right there. Not sure what impact that is having, nor if she knows I have every intention of returning to that area. Just been on vacation at my parents in the country for the summer.

 

Three weeks ago she didn't want anything to do with me. Now if I ignore her, she makes sure to get me to speak at some point. I have to let her have the reins, but I know I have to be the one to break the ice.

 

Edit: A few weeks before she broke up with me, she brought up kids for the first time. Week before, she was still talking about marriage. I know I pushed her over the edge of frustration. She had specific reasons, and I threw her a curveball working on all those things which she had come to think as impossible.

Edited July 27, 2013 by LordSquidworth

[LinkWorshiper]

I think the reason it's a curve ball is because it looks like you're growing without her. And to her, it just happens to "look" like all the stuff she'd always wanted from you, and it's making her notice. I think you should keep on this track but don't keep it just to stuff SHE had always wanted. Start writing that book you always meant to, or win a dog show, or turn into a submarine, but just do it. And just do it like you're doing you and let her come to you if she wants to. Think about it like you're dating you for a bit.

[LordSquidworth]

It's largely coincidental. Things she wanted line up with growing I needed to do. I got my motorcycle permit during this period, something I've been meaning to do for awhile.

 

She called this morning to let me know "she's shutting down for a few days" she feels rushed again. She's been more talkative, guess she talked/I responded too much. She texted till she fell asleep last night. A couple nights ago she was doing the same but I went to bed early.

 

I don't mind the space/time. I'm thinking I'm starting to see that she is self destructive. She's overly modest ($100 shoes are a big treat for her, $100 shoes are run of the mill for me). Whenever I bought her something nice, she was overly concerned with what family would think. I think she did the same with the relationship. She always said I was negative. Thinks everything she says/does pisses me off. I guess in part that became true. She said it over and over and it became so. She said she didn't know how to talk to me right now, but I'm one of the easiest people to talk to, just not for her. She over analyzes everything.

 

But... I have no problem giving her space/time. I'm a busy guy.