Feeling hopeless after being lied to for months

[guyman123]

My now ex-girlfriend and I have been dating for 1.5 years, being friends for a year before that. I was accepted into a nursing program at a university three hours away a few months into our relationship and we agreed to a long-distance relationship. Everything was fine with our LDR until 10 months into it. The nursing program became tougher as I progressed and I couldn't visit her as much, leading to a lot of arguments that ended up in us taking a break for a week. When we got back together, she confessed to me that she made out with her ex during that week, but has since cut off communication with him.

 

A month or two after the incident, things seemed to be going alright, but we had arguments every now and then. She was able to find a job but she worked until late at night and because of her daily schedule, we were limited to talk for 30 min. or so a day. During the conversations, she began to mention how she really liked (as a friend) one of her co-workers. As time went on, her co-worker's name began to be brought up more often and I became more suspicious/controlling over her relationship with him. One day, I couldn't put up with the minimal amount of talking and I went off on her when she decided to hang out with another friend instead of talking to me the entire day as she had promised the night before. We broke up after that argument, her saying that I was being too controlling.

 

This summer, I really wanted her back and I proved to her that I was going to change. She was happy for who I was becoming and told me she was going to get back with me this August after she built a support system of friends while she was in college (she didn't have too many friends to support her when her and I argued, while I did), and I believed her for an entire month. A few weeks later, she moves up to the university she was accepted to and I request the entire week off to help her move into her apartment and get settled. After moving all of her things in, she sits me down and tells me that she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore and was tired of trying. Obviously, I was upset after everything I did to show her I changed. I later find an e-mail that week sent to the previously mentioned co-worker saying how much she loved him and missed him. I confronted her about it and she told me that they had started dating/already had sex a few weeks after we broke up (April), but she had told me that they broke up the weekend before she moved up because he couldn't trust her up there. A few days later, the co-worker decides to try long-distance with her and now they are currently dating. What she hasn't told him was that during that week we had sex, but she refuses to tell him because it was none of his business since they weren't dating that week.

 

She hid the fact from her parents that she was dating him because they knew the guy was a bad kid. He does drugs and is not intelligent in the slightest, and only has a career to be a bodybuilder - the first two being things she never wanted in a guy. She finally confessed to them earlier this month after I told her parents when they asked how her and I were, and they were really upset at how she chose him over me. Last NC was for nine days but I decided to pick up one of her calls a few days ago. I already deleted her number (which I've known by heart) and facebook, which she wants to keep me added on so she can see how I'm doing. She refuses to let me go and wants to remain "best of friends." I asked how she could live with herself considering what she did and she just laughed. I then told her I couldn't be friends with someone who did be wrong and she hasn't called since.

 

Weird situation. She was very caring during our relationship and she had a thing against people who were shady and wanted a good quality guy. It's hard to believe she did what she did. This happened a few weeks ago and I'm feeling somewhat better and moving on every day. There are days where I miss her despite what she did and sometimes I think it's my fault for what happened. So what to do to feel better?

 

Cliffs:

-Had a great relationship with girlfriend, but accepted into nursing school and agreed on long-distance relationship

-Long distance problems led to her and I taking a break for a week during which she made out with an ex, but I forgave her

-Girlfriend got a new job and met a new guy who was brought up often, and as a result, I became more controlling/suspicious over her relationship with him

-Broke up with me for being too controlling

-Wanted another chance with her and proved to her that I was different

-Ex told me what I was doing was working and that she would get back with me

-After doing a lot of things for her, she tells me she doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore/tired of trying

-We have sex anyways, but I later find out that she has been dating the previously mentioned co-worker for the past couple months

-Ex later gets back with him in an LDR but refuses to tell him what happened since they weren't dating at that time

-Ex confesses to her parents that she is now dating a kid that they think is a bad influence.

-Ex wants to keep being best friends

[jesse93]

i honestly think this happens more often or not, when a relationship is forced to become long distance it gets hard for it to stay together when you're use to being able to see your significant other whenever you want but i think the distance between you two is what caused this to happen, maybe i'm wrong but she found a guy at work who she made a connection with and she didn't feel that you were there to fulfill her needs so she started going after him at least thats how it looks to me, in all honesty i don't think theres much you can do and sadly to say i think its best you go NC block her on everything and just move on with your life. she wasn't willing to wait for you while you were going to college, so why is she worth it now? if she truly loved you i think she would have been able to fight through her feelings with this other guy and know that you were the guy she truly loved. but it looks like she just didn't want to wait for you and met a guy at work and went off with him.

[NewPerspective93]

Hey there guy, I'm sorry you're going through this. I bet it wasn't easy to go through this only to be dealt with the current hand you're dealing with right now.

 

It looks like you were the one who really seemed to be putting in effort, so don't blame yourself for ANYTHING.

 

It seems as if she needs to figure out some stuff, nothing you can do here. As much as you might not want to hear this, you need to implement NC.

 

Also, I think it's messed up that she laughed when you told asked her how she could live with herself. You tell her that and she responds with laughter? You're better off.

 

Cut ties with her, de-friend her, and block her on your FB account. Do NOT keep her in your life. If you do, you'll only be tempted in wondering how she is doing with the other guy. I say this because I went through this and frankly, it was a stupid move. I learned my lesson, so don't make the same mistake I did. If you still have feelings for her, which you obviously do according to this post, you need to stay away from her and keep away. It'll be detrimental to your moving on, and honestly, you don't deserve this, so why keep around the person who lied to you and led you on, in your life?

 

It will get better, trust me.

 

Cheers.

Edited July 27, 2013 by NewPerspective93