rae_lana Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 After two weeks of not talking about this to each other in anyway.. Almost three weeks but for one big conversation.. He texted me last night and I did respond but it was pretty innocent.. Although it had a meaning we both understood that this is far from over. I had made the decision I would not instigate anything anymore.. At least until I knew what was going on, and I decides I'd be ok go end it.. But as soon as I know he doesn't want to end it I'm back in.. Feeling drunk on the feeling. If he wanted to end it I would and could .. But he'd have to want too.. That's how I feel. He also arranged for us as couples to spend the weekend together. I'm really unsure of how to feel.
GorillaTheater Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 You need to end it regardless of what he says or does or how he feels. You're a dime's width away from falling back into bed with him.
Pierre Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 After two weeks of not talking about this to each other in anyway.. Almost three weeks but for one big conversation.. He texted me last night and I did respond but it was pretty innocent.. Although it had a meaning we both understood that this is far from over. I had made the decision I would not instigate anything anymore.. At least until I knew what was going on, and I decides I'd be ok go end it.. But as soon as I know he doesn't want to end it I'm back in.. Feeling drunk on the feeling. If he wanted to end it I would and could .. But he'd have to want too.. That's how I feel. He also arranged for us as couples to spend the weekend together. I'm really unsure of how to feel. Well, you could simply go along and let the guy make all decisions. In this manner it is out of your hands. You simply become a follower under his hypnotic spell. In this manner you may feel better. Furthermore, I think the two of you are an amazing match since you are able to meet each other's expectations better than no one else. Why postpone the inevitable? Your marriages are over, go for the whoe package. 3
Cocochai Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 How often does the back and forth of not completely letting go happens? Why do you stop at times? When and if you start to feel the affects of being used and the attention taken away, you will get fed up and do a NC for good.
affairaddict Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Are you single OW or MOW? If he wanted to end it? Why would you wait for that? My self esteem was already knee level getting involved with a nearly MM, there is no way I was going to let him end it and dump me. No way! I called it off once and had to recently do it again. At least with a tiny bit of dignity left! Just because he says he's ok for it to end does not mean he is and won't try pull you back in, and even if he's not ok if you end it so what!
Author rae_lana Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 You need to end it regardless of what he says or does or how he feels. You're a dime's width away from falling back into bed with him. I for sure am. It's not a question of maybe but when. I'm just trying not to think about it as much.
GorillaTheater Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I for sure am. It's not a question of maybe but when. I'm just trying not to think about it as much. I assume your friend and your husband still have no idea, right?
Pierre Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I for sure am. It's not a question of maybe but when. I'm just trying not to think about it as much. You are addicted. The to and fro makes the addiction more intense. This will not end up well. Get it over with with. Both of you should make this romance public and go for it. 1
Author rae_lana Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 How often does the back and forth of not completely letting go happens? Why do you stop at times? When and if you start to feel the affects of being used and the attention taken away, you will get fed up and do a NC for good. How messed up is it that I don't mind feeling used by him. As long as I know he cares about me I have very very little expectations of him. I really feel I'd be happy with whatever he decided as long as he was not mad at me or resented me for it. We have slowed down twice because we were talking day and night and hooking up very often at first and we would have got caught for sure. We just stopped texting every day and only met once a month then (we see each other almost daily though) . The second time we slowed down it was more getting too emotionally wrapped up. Neither of us could focus on day to day things... We are all friends. Couple who are friends. It's different than a normal affair situation I guess. It's still really hard for me to deal.
affairaddict Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Everyone says theirs is different from a normal affair situation even myself. It wasn't. 3
Pierre Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 How messed up is it that I don't mind feeling used by him. As long as I know he cares about me I have very very little expectations of him. I really feel I'd be happy with whatever he decided as long as he was not mad at me or resented me for it. We have slowed down twice because we were talking day and night and hooking up very often at first and we would have got caught for sure. We just stopped texting every day and only met once a month then (we see each other almost daily though) . The second time we slowed down it was more getting too emotionally wrapped up. Neither of us could focus on day to day things... We are all friends. Couple who are friends. It's different than a normal affair situation I guess. It's still really hard for me to deal. Yep, a ticking bomb. Please make this formal. Why wait? Obviously the two of you have discovered true love, this is a one in a million chance. 1
Author rae_lana Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Are you single OW or MOW? If he wanted to end it? Why would you wait for that? My self esteem was already knee level getting involved with a nearly MM, there is no way I was going to let him end it and dump me. No way! I called it off once and had to recently do it again. At least with a tiny bit of dignity left! Just because he says he's ok for it to end does not mean he is and won't try pull you back in, and even if he's not ok if you end it so what! We are both married and all friends. My self esteem is probably the lowest a persons could imagine and yet it's higher than its probably ever been right now. I will try to convince myself he's using me even though I don't believe he is.. I've tried to convince myself to just tell him let's just forget this ever happened but when I see him or he texts me all that just disappears from my mind. I honestly feel like a completely separate different person when I'm taking to him.. More myself, but not someone I recognize at the same time. I've controlled my thoughts for a long time and I don't with him.
Author rae_lana Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 I need to correct that.. He IS using me but not in the way people are thinking. I use him in the same way he's using me but there is also very strong feelings.
Author rae_lana Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 I assume your friend and your husband still have no idea, right? Not at all. It's not like a movie or anything. No drama. It's been very contained for the majority.
Author rae_lana Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 You are addicted. The to and fro makes the addiction more intense. This will not end up well. Get it over with with. Both of you should make this romance public and go for it. We would both lose a LOT of very important people if we did that.
Author rae_lana Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Yep, a ticking bomb. Please make this formal. Why wait? Obviously the two of you have discovered true love, this is a one in a million chance. How is this true love though.. I don't know that it is I'd like to think so but doesn't everyone think that!!? We are like the same person. I almost think together we would speed so fast down the track we'd explode. We would easily get very hard back into drugs and drinking if we were together too I know that. Both of us have spouses who keep that from happening
GorillaTheater Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 We would both lose a LOT of very important people if we did that. It's probably going to come out eventually, and it's going to better coming from you than from some other source. Put your cards on the table and choose: your husband or OM. Like Pierre, I'm kind of hoping you pick the OM...
Author rae_lana Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Everyone says theirs is different from a normal affair situation even myself. It wasn't. I agree. I just mean I guess it's different because we all know each other very well .. Like I spend every day with them maybe a couple says break in between and every one of us misses the other when that happens. On here they've told me I'm different because I'm close to his wife.. I was closer to her than him before and maybe even am now..
Author rae_lana Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 It's probably going to come out eventually, and it's going to better coming from you than from some other source. Put your cards on the table and choose: your husband or OM. Like Pierre, I'm kind of hoping you pick the OM... This sounds terrible to my husband and I love him but not like I feel for this other man.. But in this situation I am more concerned about his wife, my friend than any one else's feelings. I'd rather be in an unhappy marriage forever than for her to ever know this happened. I cant even begin to explain how I feel when I think of her finding out. Should be enough to make me stop but it's not! It's definitely an addiction and I know it's wrong.
Author rae_lana Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 I feel like he's another version of me. That's sick I know. I've never been more sexually or emotionally attracted, or had so much in common with another person ever before. I feel like I'd give up anything for him but that's insane!
The Way I Am Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I thought you told him about your feelings, and he wants you both to leave your marriages. What happened to that? You've been so back and forth, I can't remember if there was any reason why you haven't both announced your intent to divorce yet. Also, the constant couples vacations is an ultimate d*ck move on both your parts. That's worse than just the cheating with friend's spouses. When your spouses find out you've been together, they're going to realize that these supposed group vacations between friends were just dates for the two of you. At least have some decency and keep them out of the middle of your affair. 5
Author rae_lana Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 I thought you told him about your feelings, and he wants you both to leave your marriages. What happened to that? You've been so back and forth, I can't remember if there was any reason why you haven't both announced your intent to divorce yet. Also, the constant couples vacations is an ultimate d*ck move on both your parts. That's worse than just the cheating with friend's spouses. When your spouses find out you've been together, they're going to realize that these supposed group vacations between friends were just dates for the two of you. At least have some decency and keep them out of the middle of your affair. We had a conversation where I told him I was falling for him and thought I was going crazy I thought he'd end the affair and instead he said the feeling was mutual and if I wanted to end our marriages he'd want to be together.. As soon as I heard that which is what I thought I wanted to hear.. I kind of freaked out inside. I do not want to hurt everyone like that at all. And if I left my marriage I would not want to plan right away to be with this guy because I don't even know that we would work in a relationship like that! I feel like we would be on overdrive and be way to crazy..I could be wrong but that's how I felt when I said it.. We were friends as couple this much 3 years before anything between us happened .. Nothing's changed.
Author rae_lana Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 He's very hot and cold and I am very much an over thinker do when we go for a while without contact I doubt anything he's ever said.
The Way I Am Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 (edited) We were friends as couple this much 3 years before anything between us happened .. Nothing's changed. I'm pretty sure your spouses would see it a lot differently. Doesn't matter how much time you all spent together before the affair, they're going to feel disgusted and horrified that they were used as excuses for the two of you to have dates. The way you see things isn't the only thing that's important here. You might want to start considering how other people think and feel. Edited July 27, 2013 by The Way I Am
Lady2163 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I'm saying this with mild amusement, but I think you do know what you want... You're taking HUGE risks. Okay, you know that. Have you considered therapy? I mean you have so much to lose, maybe someone unbiased and non judgmental could help you discover what your motivation is.
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