twinsdsv0205 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Last week, after we had been fighting for a few weeks (about stuff I thought was not THAT big of a deal) Weve been dating for two years and had planned a future together and he was head over heels for me. We go to college together in WI and even live together with other roommates. He broke up with me and says he doesn't think he is going to go back to school in WI and wants to go out east to pursue Golf Turt management at a school and get his degree from WI online... He doesn't know what to do about school, but staying in WI and waiting to graduate before going out to get his TURF certificate really isn't making him happy and that he needs to make himself happy. He broke up with me and said that he loved me but isn't "in love' with me and that he really wants to me alone and doesn't know why but doesn't want a relationship with ANYONE. We didn't talk for four days, and I finally called cause I couldn't stand it anymore and he felt the same way as he did and said the last 4 days were super nice and he really enjoyed just being alone. I am having the worst time understanding this.- I went and saw him in person and he told me the same things over and over again. He said he would always care about me, and just really wanted to be alone and make himself happy and made me promise I wouldn't sit in my bed and be depressed. He said that he doesn't want to erase me compeltly out of his life, but doesn't want me getting the wrong impression because he is SET on not wanting anything more than a friendship. I asked him not to contact me because I cant handle that right now. He said that he was going to see me again, and I was like "HOW" and he is like " I just know I will, okay"' He literally said he is over me, and has no feelings toward me in that way anymore. Im like how the hell does that happen over night. I really don't get it. But I truly believe what we had was very strong, and I know Just recently he had felt that way too. I am really confused and want him back more than anything. What do I do? This is a guy who was head over heels for me, and everybody around me knew it. He was the most thoughtful, caring perfect guy and I took advantage of his niceness at times and didn't always treat him the best. I know for a fact there isn't another person in the picture. He just really wants to be alone. I know he is stressed trying to figure out what would be best for him at school, but I don't get why he wants to be alone so much to do so. Is he just burying his feelings for me deeply because I had been pushing him away the few weeks prior to this when we were fighting? I didn't always treat him the best, but I feel completely blindslided. I haven't talked to him for 5 days now, and I am afraid that I never will again. I saw on FB that he is planning on extending his summer internship into the fall until the golf course closes so this means that he wont be returning to school in September with me like he originally planned. He seems really set in his ways, but I know that he used to care SO incredibly much for me. He says that this is for real and doesn't see a future, but that if I believe in us ( like I kept saying that I did) that I could hold onto that and I shouldn't be getting as upset as I was. But seeing that he wasn't coming back to school in the fall really upset me. I am currently in NC because he wants to be alone, and I was smothering him with questions and my emotions. What are the chances that he talks to me? I can't lose him.. he would be the one that got away. He has such a big heart, but it is SO closed off right now. ANy thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
daftpunk Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 (edited) I believed my ex when she swore up and down that she just wanted to be alone, right up until she got with another guy a few weeks later. Not to doom and gloom you. Everyone here will see a lot of themselves in you and your predicament. Unfortunately, not many of us have had a happy ending. Not yet, anyway. People will come in and tell you not to talk to him. To "focus on your own happiness". Going to the gym. Blah blah blah. All perfectly viable advice, but it's hard to recommend to someone who is still so clearly in the midst of heartbreak. Edited July 26, 2013 by daftpunk
aloneinaz Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Hey- Everyone who's been dumped heard some of the same things your ex said to you. I've lost of many people including myself that had their ex tell them how much they loved them the same day they ended the relationship. It sounds like this guy simply lost interest in the relationship and you didn't catch on to the signs over the past few weeks or months. It happens. People are madly in love then they fall out of love or priorities change. You can't chase this guy. Give him space. It sucks, it hurts, and we all get it. Have some dignity and leave him alone. You now need to only worry about yourself and YOUR healing. NC is the best to do that.
Talulah Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Some people like to be alone. I don't think that it is an excuse. IN my case, it wasn't because I know that after we broke up my ex didn't go out on dates or date other people. But in my case, my ex was leaving the country to go somewhere else to work. He has a short contract that he will start soon, so in this case, he won't have time for another relationship and there won't be a point to it. This is also different with age, I guess a younger guy can say that, and not do it. Yet, someone older might actually mean it. I think that for now do NC, and I think that him wanting to be alone to figure things out for himself puts you in a good spot, at least he did not leave you someone else. Good luck:bunny:
Emma1234 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 This sounds scarily similar to my situation. He left to have time to himself and find himself. He didn't want to lose me etc etc but I just couldn't comprehend it, I went through the stage of serious guilt and blame because I too took his niceness for granted but after speaking with my councillor she said that she thinks it sounds like he truly does want time to himself. We are only 19 and were together for 2.5 years, went to uni together etc and I have come to the conclusion that as I love him I have to let him go and focus on my life. I recently posted a post on a 3 month update and it is genuinely true. I'm getting my life to an exciting point and the break up has certainly changed me as a person. Gawd it was the most pain I've ever been in. My advice would be to let him go, flow with the pain and just focus on rebuilding your life. You'll get through this
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