JBlackstone Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 (edited) I just wanted to share my story of my boyfriend and I getting back together after he said he was finished once and for all. I do realize that EVERY relationship is different and one person's experience cannot be an indication of the outcome of every relationship. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years. Some of this time has been great, other times not so great. We got to a point where I think taking a break/breaking up was the best thing for our relationship. It is true that if you love someone let them go and if they come back they are truly yours. It kind of gave us the ability to hit the reset button and start somewhat fresh. I have trust and jealousy issues. I am now going to therapy for this and it is helping immensely. I would suggest this to anyone who has broken up for a reason that can be worked on. Even if your ex doesn't get back together with you, it will only make you stronger for your next relationship. SHOW them you can change rather than just telling them. They likely won't believe it until it can be seen with their own eyes. This can take time. If the relationship is worth it to you, you will do the work. You cannot change anyone else but you can change yourself and the way you see things. Sometimes it only takes change from one person to shift the entire relationship. Give them the space they request. This is definitely the hardest part. I wouldn't say in every situation complete no contact is the only way to go about this but keep it light and friendly. It shows you respect their wishes and also doesn't make you look needy. There is nothing more sexy than confidence. Know when to back off though. If they are not responding at all or have made it clear that they do not want to hear from you, then complete no contact would be the way to go. You don't want to set yourself up for any more hurt. Stay positive. Another huge point. Who wants to date someone depressed and needy? Like attracts like. If you are positive, you will attract positive things. Even if this does not bring back your ex, it will bring you something great and, most likely, better! Sometimes we just have to get out of our own way. These are some of the things I did while my boyfriend and I were broken up. It was an awful time and definitely wouldn't want to relive it but I am certain these actions helped bring us back together. I'm not saying it's a walk in the park everyday but we are doing the work and are committed to the relationship. Stay strong to everyone going through a tough time right now. We've all been there at some point and IT DOES PASS! Everything will be ok! Edited July 26, 2013 by JBlackstone 3
aloneinaz Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 and how long have you been back together? I wish you luck in your relationship reconciliation. For most, they don't work. After the new honeymoon phase ends, all the same issues are there that caused the initial breakup. My ex and I broke up multiple times and got back together. We even went to couple therapy during the last try. The relationship failed and I blame 85% of it on her. She wasn't going to change her ways and this made me incompatible with her as a result. Again, I wish you both luck and hope it works but for the people who are broken up recently and wish for another chance, just recognize the odds are slim that the reconciliation will work long term.
jesse93 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 good luck to the two of you and i hope it truly does work out, i hope this is what both of you truly want not just what one or the other wants and i hope your love just continues to grow and gets stronger. best of luck to you two 1
daftpunk Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Again, I wish you both luck and hope it works but for the people who are broken up recently and wish for another chance, just recognize the odds are slim that the reconciliation will work long term. This might be true, but odds mean nothing to the individual. 1
aloneinaz Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 This might be true, but odds mean nothing to the individual. Yup, sometimes folks need to buy that ground themselves..
Kobe2345 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 So what happens when they date someone else right away after breakup? Is it still worth it? Lol
Author JBlackstone Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 How long we're you broken up? We were broken up for about a month and a half. The beginning of it, I was pretty much in denial and refused to believe it. Then I realized, 'hey, if this guy doesn't want to be with me, it's his loss."
Author JBlackstone Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 and how long have you been back together? I wish you luck in your relationship reconciliation. For most, they don't work. After the new honeymoon phase ends, all the same issues are there that caused the initial breakup. My ex and I broke up multiple times and got back together. We even went to couple therapy during the last try. The relationship failed and I blame 85% of it on her. She wasn't going to change her ways and this made me incompatible with her as a result. Again, I wish you both luck and hope it works but for the people who are broken up recently and wish for another chance, just recognize the odds are slim that the reconciliation will work long term. Thanks. We have only been back together for about a month. So yes, there is definitely a chance that we may not stay together but we are doing things differently. I think sometimes people get back together and just go back to the way things were before without making any real changes. In our case, I would say that most of the trouble in the relationship was my fault, i.e. the jealousy and insecurity issues. So in a way I kind of hold the fate of our relationship in my hands. If I can get a grip on these issues then I believe we stand a good chance of surviving.
Author JBlackstone Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 So what happens when they date someone else right away after breakup? Is it still worth it? Lol I would NOT be able to handle this! Did this happen to you?
Kobe2345 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I would NOT be able to handle this! Did this happen to you? oh yeah, plenty of people around here too.. anyways, it was very tough to go through.
na49 Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 I hope that after that little amount of time you two have done the necessary amount of growing. but good luck to you! My girlfriend and I got back together after being apart for 6 months and have been back together for almost 4 months. 2
LinkWorshiper Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 How can you tell if you're personally acting in a positive way? For instance, my boyfriend and I have been doing serious self-improvement since we broke up. A lot of my personal issues have to do with some mental health things I'd let slip through the cracks for a long time, and I'm trying to get a handle on them. It has not been easy, because trying to manage my brain isn't like the average person trying to manage their thoughts. To make it more simple, sometimes I worry that my overloaded thoughts come off the wrong way. It's not that I'm crying to him every time we talk or begging for us to get back together right away, even though though that's what I'd like, but I feel like sometimes I don't always say what he wants to hear. I try to say positive things and I try to be honest, especially about my feelings and that he is important to me. I constantly worry I'm screwing things up somehow, though I guess that's part of what i have to fix??
travelonic Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I would NOT be able to handle this! Did this happen to you? That happened to me - in fact, my ex had a mix of thinking she found greener grass with pursuing that in an affair like thing while we were officially together - the day she broke it off with me she went into a relationship with the other person.
Dumped85 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 I hope that after that little amount of time you two have done the necessary amount of growing. but good luck to you! My girlfriend and I got back together after being apart for 6 months and have been back together for almost 4 months. In that 6 months of being apart, what did either of you do to work towards reconciliation?
alexjames88 Posted August 20, 2013 Posted August 20, 2013 and how long have you been back together? I wish you luck in your relationship reconciliation. For most, they don't work. After the new honeymoon phase ends, all the same issues are there that caused the initial breakup. My ex and I broke up multiple times and got back together. We even went to couple therapy during the last try. The relationship failed and I blame 85% of it on her. She wasn't going to change her ways and this made me incompatible with her as a result. Again, I wish you both luck and hope it works but for the people who are broken up recently and wish for another chance, just recognize the odds are slim that the reconciliation will work long term. This is exactly how my ex feels. That we are incompatible. What are the reasons you feel incompatible? How exactly could she have changed to make you feel different?
Author JBlackstone Posted August 22, 2013 Author Posted August 22, 2013 How can you tell if you're personally acting in a positive way? For instance, my boyfriend and I have been doing serious self-improvement since we broke up. A lot of my personal issues have to do with some mental health things I'd let slip through the cracks for a long time, and I'm trying to get a handle on them. It has not been easy, because trying to manage my brain isn't like the average person trying to manage their thoughts. To make it more simple, sometimes I worry that my overloaded thoughts come off the wrong way. It's not that I'm crying to him every time we talk or begging for us to get back together right away, even though though that's what I'd like, but I feel like sometimes I don't always say what he wants to hear. I try to say positive things and I try to be honest, especially about my feelings and that he is important to me. I constantly worry I'm screwing things up somehow, though I guess that's part of what i have to fix?? Have you been seeing a therapist? Going to see a counselor has helped me IMMENSELY with recognizing when my thoughts have gone too far. For me, I would imagine worst case scenarios and before I knew it, I had created these problems that didn't even exist. I don't know your story or exactly what it is you're working on but it sounds like you're struggling with some anxiety. Even though your ultimate goal is to get back together, focus on yourself right now! That's what I mean when I say to act in a positive way. Be proactive about your life. Do things that bring you pleasure and grow as an individual. You said you're doing some serious self-improvement already so keep it going! Even if you don't get back together, you are still going to come out of this stronger!
Recommended Posts