MelodyJ Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 Ok, now that I have decided to end a horrible relationship (if interested see infidelity- mine not his ) it is not as easy as it should be considering all the circumstances. Now, he cries when I tell him that it is not going to work, and I am leaving. He keeps saying all the bad things are in the past, water under the bridge, but it does not feel like it to me. Now I have done something final, I cheated on him, I think to make it my excuse (in my head) to finally break it off. He does'nt know, and if he did, I would probably be dead right now. But it worked, my heart is shut off to him. I don't feel real guilt, anger or sadness, just a need to be free of him. Two of my three kids want out badly, the other (17 1/2) said he is being nice now, I should try harder. And she does not want to go live with my parents because it will be cramped quarters and she needs her space. We will have to go there for a few months until I get financially stable. I have a good job plus child support, and I will be able to save my money so it won't be that long, but I don't want even one of them to be unhappy any longer. Today she gave me permission to do what I need to do, but she was not overjoyed either. Why is making the right choice so hard, when you feel in your heart that it is the right choice? He used to tell me to get the F out of his life at least once a week, now I can't get him to throw me out! He jumps back and forth from crying and begging me not to leave, to yelling how he is going to change all the locks, how I better watch myself, he is going to kill anyone I am F'g, then back to crying. I think he is bi-polar or something, but he refuses to get checked out because he does not believe living life on medication that makes you a zombie. I feel sorry for him, and am also afraid of him. Everyone is saying "just leave already" Why is it so hard? Am I a co-dependant or just one messed up chick?
Barby Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 i read your other post too, I'm glad for your own sake and well being and that of your children that you got out. If you're afraid of him then you should not be forced to be in a situation like that. And since you did not leave "to be with another" man and instead you did it because it was what you need for you and your children, well I say kudos to you and I wish you the best of luck! If you feel you made the right decision then stick to it, don't let him guilt you into changing your mind. oohh I re-read, you are thinking of leaving...well you don't need your child's permission you are the adult in this situation. If I were you I would leave, I was in an abusive marriage and was careful not to have kids but anyway I know it's not easy to leave but since you have support you really should just go on and do it, avoid pro-longing the agony. If he gets mean, get a restraining order.
Author MelodyJ Posted October 28, 2004 Author Posted October 28, 2004 Thank yo or the words of encouragement Barbi, I am so glad I never married him, that should make it easier you'd think. I'm going to stay tough, I know it is the best thing for my kids and I. He has a 14 yr. old son thouhg, and I do love the kid, that is going to be the hardest part. M
Guest Posted October 28, 2004 Posted October 28, 2004 Who claims that it isn't hard to break up. The person who dumps the wife is usually at head or tails spin of sorts. The one at heads usually has the winning outcome. Why is that? Most likely is the other knows there standpoint when the stronghold has a grip, the bystander is hit ~ with if its meant to be. Love or lust/infatuation of absent love is not identified by response, but initially brought and kept you there. It is not a twofold question, if so, you are dealing with indecision, yes. That cauldrum does not justify whom is to make the out of sight out of mind. The price to pay cannot ever be recovered with one so true and does not play this type of game. Ever. lWhy? Never had to.
Author MelodyJ Posted October 29, 2004 Author Posted October 29, 2004 So this morning he asked me if things were going to work out and I said I didn't see how. He started to cry, he wants me to reconsider and just do the things I want to do, but don't leave. I told him that would not be fair to either of us, but he insists he can handle it. I see the same pattern happening all over again, and feel I need to leave while I am feeling strong, and since we have not been together sexually since I cheated, I don't feel right about staying with him because eventually he is going to want sex. Why did'nt he try this hard years ago when I was crying my eyes out every night and feeling so lonely, I wanted to die, even with him lying right next to me? I don't know how to open my heart up to him anymore, it is closed and hard as a rock. My mind says go give him a hug, see how it feels, but my arms won't move, and so I just leave the room. It seems like all of a sudden everything is turned around, and I am the bad guy. I do know this about myself, I am one of those people that will do and take, and give and forgive, always give the benefit of the doubt, over and over, until one day I wake up and the switch has been turned off, and then I end all contact. My friend calls me a "long sufferer". I wish he would just let me go.
whichwayisup Posted October 29, 2004 Posted October 29, 2004 Why did'nt he try this hard years ago when I was crying my eyes out every night and feeling so lonely, I wanted to die, even with him lying right next to me? Because he never thought it would get to this point...You leaving or very close to... If things are to change in a good way, couples therapy is it! I don't know if it can be worked out or if you want it to work out. But if you DO love him and he is willing to work his tail off to prove to himself and to you the relationship is worth it, then yes, do the therapy. Thing is though, if your heart is closed and the feelings are not there is it possible they will come back??? The kids should not have to be exposed to so much, but hopefully in time things will settle down and be more peaceful. All the best and keep on posting!
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