Janesays Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 You're brain isn't developed! SCIENCE! SCIENCE! How very immature, this 20 year old women clearly presents herself with much more maturity than plenty of the 30+ crowd here arguing with her. I went out to dinner tonight and it was one silly 40+ year old woman after another. Also I love how she comes here and tells you she's Canadian and can already drink and not into the club scene. I was never a big bar drinker myself especially when I was 20. Now I enjoy some good Whiskey and a Cigar from time to time. I mean really this girl will probably be a great mother because she's very thoughtful and very respectable for any age. This would be a great place to try to legalize full birth abortions allowable in the case of under age 30 pregnancies. When she ends up on welfare and her kid ends up in Juvie, I just want you to be the FIRST one voting for a tax increase giving her and her family the help she needs to pull it all together, OK? Typical Republican....."Make the decision I would have made based on MY religion. But pay for it yourself!"
iris219 Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 What is concerning is that you are nervous about telling your bf of one and a half years you are pregnant. If your relationship is really as good as you say, he should be the first person you want to tell. There should be no hesitation to tell him; it seems you would immediately want to go to him and allow him to help you make some very important decisions concerning this pregnancy that was the result of both of your actions. 3
soccerrprp Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Please quit saying that a baby will love you unconditionally! That is BS! Children DO NOT love unconditionally....that is a Mother or Fathers job. Treat a child poorly and they will grow to despise you regardless of the blood you share. I don't love my mother unconditionally. I haven't even laid eyes on her in 20 years and I don't care if she lives or dies. If one is looking for unconditional love, they are becoming parents for the exact WRONG reasons. Your child's love comes with conditions. If you want unconditional love, get a dog!!! I mentioned unconditional love within the reference of a baby, not the teenager that grows up to despise you. And by the way, a dog, if treated badly will not be so unconditional. I don't know how this thread has degenerated into people getting bent out of shape about the unconditional love a BABY gives, but I haven't read all of the posts. OP, your BABY will need, want, "love" you w/o condition....provide what you need to and it will continue to love you unconditionally until the day you die. It happens all the time and the joys of parenthood are fully revealed daily when you can see that love extended in so many ways. But you darn well know that you need to be in a position to support the child....enough said on that.
soccerrprp Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 When she ends up on welfare and her kid ends up in Juvie, I just want you to be the FIRST one voting for a tax increase giving her and her family the help she needs to pull it all together, OK? Typical Republican....."Make the decision I would have made based on MY religion. But pay for it yourself!" Yup, yup. The GOP are champions of- don't kill the unborn baby, but once in the world, GOOD LUCK policies! Oh, don't even get me started....Pro-life crowd are rarely pro LIFE. They are simply anti-abortion....huge difference.
soccerrprp Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Yet strangely enough, two-thirds of parents say if they knew back then what they know now, being parents, they would NOT have had kids. Hmmmm, wonder what they know that people without kids don't... Food for thought. This may all be moot since during the first three months of gestation there is a high rate of miscarriage. First part of this is likely to do with MONEY, money, money. It's expensive raising kids. The second part about the miscarriages seems a little random, no? WTF was the reason for it?
Balzac Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Half of all pregnancies in USA are unplanned. They opted for a contraceptive method that has a high effectiveness rate and got caught anyway. It happens folks, it's a known up front risk. This man should have been mentally prepared for an oopsee. Whatever his reaction, next step is to determine how many weeks she's been pregnant. Feeling awkward about telling him does seem sad though. OP hasn't revealed why she took a test, what caused her suspect a pregnancy. How close is this couple if he's unaware of her symptomology and concern? 2
Els Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 It happens folks, it's a known up front risk. This man should have been mentally prepared for an oopsee. This, 100%. Sadly, that doesn't seem to occur to many people. You wouldn't believe how many people have a stick-your-head-in-the-sand-and-all-the-nasties-will-go-away mentality with regards to risk of pregnancy. I do hope the OP's bf isn't one of those. 2
Balzac Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 It's incredible to me that a woman would fear revealing the news. I'm a guy and I fully expect to have conversations w my partner about suspected pregnancy on a regular basis. I get that many women cease menses on Depo/Mirena but inexpensive rapid tests can be bought in bundles. I'd think most women, encouraged by their partner, would test regularly in the absense of a period. Why would any sexually active couple defer testing until the quarterly injection of Depo or obvious symptomology w Mirena??? Sadly crazy is what I think. 2
Els Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 It's incredible to me that a woman would fear revealing the news. I'm a guy and I fully expect to have conversations w my partner about suspected pregnancy on a regular basis. I get that many women cease menses on Depo/Mirena but inexpensive rapid tests can be bought in bundles. I'd think most women, encouraged by their partner would test regularly in the absense of a period. Why would any sexually active couple defer testing until the quarterly injection of Depo or obvious symptomology w Mirena??? I guess some women fear it because pregnancy is a 'serious serious' thing, whereas sex is now seen as just something fun that you do. Mind-bogglingly enough (to me), it seems that some couples don't even talk about what they'd do in the event of a pregnancy, despite having intercourse. Also, the OP's bf's view on how he thinks a man should be able to abdicate himself of all responsibility if the gf refuses to get an abortion, is understandably good reason for her to worry. 1
hoping2heal Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 When she ends up on welfare and her kid ends up in Juvie, I just want you to be the FIRST one voting for a tax increase giving her and her family the help she needs to pull it all together, OK? Typical Republican....."Make the decision I would have made based on MY religion. But pay for it yourself!" I know many kids of single Mother's who turned out awesome and self-sufficient. Does that mean they have no issues stemming from absence of a Dad? No, they do but that doesn't mean they end up in Juvie. With her education level and considering all else I highly, highly doubt the whole welfare Mother scenario would even happen. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I am so shocked that people are encouraging the OP to have an abortion when she is clearly not leaning in that direction. I am prochoice but to me, prochoice is encouraging women to make the decision that is best for them, their babies and one they can live with for the rest of their lives. You posters who are tossing it out there as if it's no big deal outta be ashamed of yourselves. She's not 16 - she's about to graduate college for crying out loud. 4
Balzac Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 she's about to graduate college for crying out loud. Really? I read that BF was about to complete his degree. Not disagreeing with your complaint. Not having been in the situation, I think it's very easy to think one knows.
Drseussgrrl Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Where did I say that I have no education? I'm in the final year of my bachelors. I'm going for my Masters after. And yes it will probably take an extra year or two if I have the baby but when I'm done I'll be making about $70,000/year as a starting wage. Yes, we could have used condoms but we didn't. Final year of her bachelor's.
Balzac Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 Hey thanks! I just lacked time to go back and reread every post. Again, thanks.
pink_sugar Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I don't understand how so many people claim to be that 0.5% failure rate when it comes to birth control. If you are using it correctly...especially something like depo which is even more effective than most other contraceptives, chances of getting pregnant are extremely slim. Sure, half of all pregnancies are unplanned and I'm sure most of those people did not use birth control. Anyways, OP, do not assume you'll come out making 70k instantly after grad school. Do you have professional working experience? Most employers require several years in this economy in order to have a high salary. Have you thought about how you will work childcare around work and school? That aside, you are still very young and a baby will change your life drastically forever. Are you able to put your child first and make the necessary sacrifices? While you're taking care of your baby, all your friends will be out having fun. Are you prepared to give that up? 1
pink_sugar Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 If you have no ambition, then have the kid. It will be your excuse as to why you never did anything or went anywhere. My husband's mother pulled this one...and she didn't even raise him...his father did. 1
Els Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 I don't understand how so many people claim to be that 0.5% failure rate when it comes to birth control. If you are using it correctly...especially something like depo which is even more effective than most other contraceptives, chances of getting pregnant are extremely slim. Sure, half of all pregnancies are unplanned and I'm sure most of those people did not use birth control. Anyways, OP, do not assume you'll come out making 70k instantly after grad school. Do you have professional working experience? Most employers require several years in this economy in order to have a high salary. Have you thought about how you will work childcare around work and school? That aside, you are still very young and a baby will change your life drastically forever. Are you able to put your child first and make the necessary sacrifices? While you're taking care of your baby, all your friends will be out having fun. Are you prepared to give that up? Failure rate for depo is 6%. Which is much lower than the combined pill, granted, but still a far cry from 0.5%. Something I think a lot of people don't realize is that it's almost impossible to do perfect use for hormonal contraception. It isn't just about taking the pill at the right time all the time - it's a combination of diet affecting hormonal absorption, the woman's individual hormone production interfering, other medications that you take concurrently, lots of things. That's why typical use failure rates are a better measure. CDC - Contraception - Reproductive Health
pink_sugar Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 (edited) Failure rate for depo is 6%. Which is much lower than the combined pill, granted, but still a far cry from 0.5%. Something I think a lot of people don't realize is that it's almost impossible to do perfect use for hormonal contraception. It isn't just about taking the pill at the right time all the time - it's a combination of diet affecting hormonal absorption, the woman's individual hormone production interfering, other medications that you take concurrently, lots of things. That's why typical use failure rates are a better measure. CDC - Contraception - Reproductive Health 6% accounts for inconsistent use. The pill has a 9% failure rate, but only if it's not used consistently. With perfect use, with most birth control methods with the exception of condoms, won't exceed a 1% failure rate. I agree though, I'm sure a lot of people are not being consistent with birth control, which makes an oopsie much more likely to happen. A lot of people won't admit to forgetting pills or getting their shot regularly or etc. "Effectiveness is an important and common concern when choosing a birth control method. The birth control shot is one of the most effective methods of birth control available. It works best when you get the birth control shot regularly, every 12 weeks. Less than 1 out of 100 women will get pregnant each year if they always use the birth control shot as directed.About 6 out of 100 women will get pregnant each year if they don't always use the birth control shot as directed." Depo-Provera - Birth Control Shot Another thing the OP mentions is that she recently had the pregnancy talk with her bf only a month before she realized she was pregnant. Not saying it wasn't a coincidence, OP, but your bf might think it's a bit too coincidental that an oopsie happened so quickly after that talk. Edited July 31, 2013 by pink_sugar 1
Els Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Yes, typical use does account for 'forgetting', but it also accounts for many other things. For instance, if you go on antibiotics, some of them affect the metabolism of the hormones. In the case of BC pills, if you take, for example, grapefruit juice or vitamin C close to the time you take your pill, it could also reduce the absorption of hormones from the pill. This is the case for plenty of other medications that many people are unaware of. Perfect use means that none of this ever happens. People like to believe that they (or their spouse) are better than 'typical' - which is a valid opinion, but if everyone believes that, then who is typical? It would be safer to consider typical use rates in the case of assessing birth control methods, IMO, rather than perfect use.
kaylan Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 I agree with others. Tell him right away, and think long and hard about whether youre emotionally or financially ready for kids. I dont think either of you are. 2
tbf Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 tianab, have you discussed your pregnancy with your b/f yet?
passingbreeze Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 OP, you might NOT be pregnant. Before you spring the news on your bf and start buying baby clothes, go to the doctor to make sure that you are indeed expecting! Women on the Depo shot and also on some bc pills, often show a false positive on the home pregnancy tests. Maybe you have been to the doctor, and you already know 100%, and I just didn't see your post? Anyway, I would be surprised if you got pregnant while taking Depo. If you get your shot regularly, it is almost unheard of to have it fail. 1
runningfar Posted August 1, 2013 Posted August 1, 2013 Damn that sucks. My GF is going to get on the shot pretty soon and to hear that you can still get pregnant on it is very scary. I absolutely do not want her to get pregnant. Neither of us is even remotely ready to be parents. She is against abortion and will want to have the baby if she does get pregnant. It bugs me to hell that so many women just can't accept that having a baby when both she and the guy are not ready for having a kid that it is a horrible idea. The logical decision is to get an abortion and continue living along till everyone is ready to be a parent. Having an abortion does not mean you will never get pregnant again. Abortion is not a "logical decision" for everyone. It is not even an acceptable decision for everyone. Don't try to present it like it's the step somebody should take when it is one that can very well be fraught with emotion- even in women not expecting it. I've seen it tear friends to pieces in ways they did not recover from. I would never have an abortion and I am not religious. When I was younger, I would have done adoption to someone who really wanted a baby but can't have it. At this point, I'd happily have the baby... though, it's impossible in my situation unfortunately. Any birth control method can still fail and result in pregnancy. The most effective is the mirena IUD or similar because it combines hormonal birth control with a physical birth control of expelling any that manages to implant. Even two methods have a failure rate. I did have a friend who got pregnant with the shot and condoms. I've had many who got pregnant with one or the other or the pill etc... Usually already married or headed there, luckily. I've never had a friend get pregnant with an IUD though statistics says it's possible. OP: Tell him before he moves in. Just straight out, tell him. And don't let him decide this for you. He cannot give up his responsibility even if he thinks he should if you choose to keep the child-- It's a choice he made when he chose to have sex. Adoption is also an option. You could tell people you're carrying as a surrogate if you're worried about impressions, though most people would be more impressed than judgmental and there is a lot of support financially and emotionally provided for women who choose that. I'm not saying you have to, but be cautious in any decision you make. They ALL have repercussions and none are easy. Good luck.
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