Ok Good Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I need some encouragement people. I just had my heart broken by someone who worked hard to get me to trust him & now it looks like he's gone How can I ever possibly keep opening myself up for love and have this happen again and yet maybe again after that????!!!
Author Ok Good Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 yeah living again is good...but I fear I won't be able to keep putting my heart out there
Philosoraptor Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Well the options here are never open up and likely never find a healthy loving relationship, or not letting the past determine your future and giving it a shot again. It does hurt, and it hurts every single time. But in the end when you find that one that lasts, the previous pains cease to matter anymore. 2
clia Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 In the future, don't get so attached so quickly. According to your other thread, you only had five dates with him. 1
Author Ok Good Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 I was trying hard to protect my heart and he wormed his way in anyway!! Now I haven't been able to work or sleep all week!! I miss him terribly and the loss of what could have been really great just devastates me. He was a fool to give up on us so fast.
Author Ok Good Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 In the future, don't get so attached so quickly. According to your other thread, you only had five dates with him. yes, but it was over a 2-month time frame with lots of phone calls and texting which ended up building a loving foundation (or so I thought) so when we saw each other the time was awesome together...
Zahara Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 2 months with 5 dates. You sound too attached. "The loss of what could have been really great." You're idealizing him and what you had with him. 2 months and 5 dates is too short, too little to aggrandize what could have been. Texting and calls don't build a loving foundation. That's just creating an attachment.
Author Ok Good Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 2 months with 5 dates. You sound too attached. "The loss of what could have been really great." You're idealizing him and what you had with him. 2 months and 5 dates is too short, too little to aggrandize what could have been. Texting and calls don't build a loving foundation. That's just creating an attachment. Yes, he got me to attach and then abruptly let go, that is why I'm reeling here, maybe a slow fade would have been kinder & gentler on me.
Author Ok Good Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 each of the succeeding dates after the first one were days long btw if that helps at all...I hate to sound crazier than how I feel right now...
Zahara Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I think a slow fade would have been worse because you would have clung to him, feeling anxious and desperate to get him closer. This is much better for you. Clean break helps you accept that it is done and move on. Painful, of course but it doesn't prolong confusion and anxiety as the former would do. 2
Zahara Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 The duration of dates only got you more attached. It doesn't guarantee any security or depth just because it was days long. And because of distance, that was probably the best way to see each other. The norm would be to keep having short dates, keeping a safe distance and getting to know each other for an extended period of time before diving into "2 -3 days long" dates. It only got you too attached, too fast. 3
clia Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Totally agree with Zahara. You shouldn't be having third, fourth, or fifth dates with a guy that are lasting for days. It's just too soon. 1
BluEyeL Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I can't advise "don't get attached" next time, you get attached when you get attached. You'll learn to go through the pain, and the best way to get over it is to go out at a crazy rate, meet new people, look your best and act happy and upbeat. Don't put a lot of hold on early interactions, take it as a game and fun. I've been hurt before and I know I recently suffered for 2 months over only a 3 dates dating situation, but now I can't even remember the guy. So I'm telling you that it does go away for sure. The faster you meet others, the faster it'll go away. 1
BluEyeL Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Yes, don't do long dates early. 2-3 h, up to 5-6 h. Don't get too close, hold back a little, don't let him see you sweat, ever! 1
Author Ok Good Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 The duration of dates only got you more attached. It doesn't guarantee any security or depth just because it was days long. And because of distance, that was probably the best way to see each other. The norm would be to keep having short dates, keeping a safe distance and getting to know each other for an extended period of time before diving into "2 -3 days long" dates. It only got you too attached, too fast. A wise and sad observation...I would think he must still be as attached as I... I am now paying for the too attached too fast portion of all this and he worked so hard to get me to trust him too.
Author Ok Good Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Yes, don't do long dates early. 2-3 h, up to 5-6 h. Don't get too close, hold back a little, don't let him see you sweat, ever! I so tried!! But with him living 500 miles away, weekend get togethers were our only option...
Author Ok Good Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 I can't advise "don't get attached" next time, you get attached when you get attached. You'll learn to go through the pain, and the best way to get over it is to go out at a crazy rate, meet new people, look your best and act happy and upbeat. Don't put a lot of hold on early interactions, take it as a game and fun. I've been hurt before and I know I recently suffered for 2 months over only a 3 dates dating situation, but now I can't even remember the guy. So I'm telling you that it does go away for sure. The faster you meet others, the faster it'll go away. BluEyeL, you are a very encouraging person, thank for your insights, sorry to sound dramatic but these posts have been my first ray of light in days...
SantistaUSA Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I so tried!! But with him living 500 miles away, weekend get togethers were our only option... LDR is very hard to make it work, btw who was the relative he came to visit? Try not to talk with someone that lives so far away, I would 1 hour distance should be the max. So for you to be able to move on you need to stay busy, take him off your phone, do not contact him anymore, he wasn't the one for you and I'm sure that you will find someone that really makes you happy :-) use this as a lesson on how to improve yourself on future dates, don't give up, I've been there and I think everyone goes through this, you just need to know how to handle it. 1
Zahara Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I so tried!! But with him living 500 miles away, weekend get togethers were our only option... 500 miles!! Smaller radius please, moving forward. It's hard to work LDRs. 2
Author Ok Good Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 500 miles!! Smaller radius please, moving forward. It's hard to work LDRs. Very good point, he had said he would be moving to my city within the next 6 months, so I figured I shouldn't let the distance rule out a potentially good guy. My normal radius is no greater than 30 min from me.
SantistaUSA Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Very good point, he had said he would be moving to my city within the next 6 months, so I figured I shouldn't let the distance rule out a potentially good guy. My normal radius is no greater than 30 min from me. That could be just an excuse from him as well. I'm still curious who was the relative he had to go visit. :-)
Author Ok Good Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 That could be just an excuse from him as well. I'm still curious who was the relative he had to go visit. :-) he was going to see one of his parents, what about his reason is suspicious?
SantistaUSA Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 he was going to see one of his parents, what about his reason is suspicious? That he told you that he had to go visit a relative at the last min, it just seems odd to me. Anyways I think you are better off without him, he gave you a silent treating for a while and that is brutal to do to someone. 1
Author Ok Good Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 That he told you that he had to go visit a relative at the last min, it just seems odd to me. Anyways I think you are better off without him, he gave you a silent treating for a while and that is brutal to do to someone. OMG that is so true!! That is a fighting style I hate the most I should ponder that as well.
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