Tired of Being Led On/Blown Off

[Tk123]

Hey all. To keep a long story short, I moved to a new neighborhood and met some really amazing people. One girl I met at a party in town however, things did not go much further than hello and goodbye.

 

Later that evening I went on Facebook and ended up finding her. I initiated contact with her and told her I had a great time meeting her and hoped that we could get together sometime soon. We exchanged numbers and I began to text her. One thing led to another and she happily agreed to meet up and hangout last weekend.

 

Last weekend rolled along, and she cancelled last minute on me saying some family issues came up and asked if we could reschedule for Sunday (this was Saturday at the time). Part of me felt stood up however being as I'm just getting to know her I happily agreed to meeting on Sunday.

 

Sunday came and I didn't hear from her until that night. She told me she just got out of work and once again was apologetic for screwing up our plans. I was more hurt this time just because I thought our plans to hang sometime during the weekend were first priority.

 

She politely asked me if I'd be willing to hang out next weekend (which is now this current weekend). I agreed and even requested that maybe we could get together after work one day during the week. She said that sounded great and I figured I would hear from her one day this week.

 

After speaking Sunday night, I jokingly texted her the next day saying how I hope she could get out early one day during the week so we could hang out (she works later in the day than I do). She said she was sure that one day this week would work and I figured she would initiate contact when she got out of work sometime this week.

 

The whole week went by, and I have had no contact with her since that conversation on Monday morning. It's now Friday and I've still yet to hear from her. I don't even know at this point if she still wants to meet up this weekend. She still has me added on Facebook, and I'm certain she still has my number.

 

When things first started I felt so confident and excited that I was getting to hang out with someone new. It has been a week now, and I am not entirely sure how to feel about where I stand with her. I don't want to initiate contact because something tells me I may be hearing from her sometime during this weekend however, part of me wants to break that no contact barrier.

 

I'm tired of being blown off like this. Is there something I did wrong? What do you think of the situation I'm in right now?

[jphcbpa]

Make other plans for this weekend and have a great time.

[Zahara]

You didn't do anything wrong. You showed her you're interested but she she isn't. She goes along because she doesn't know how to tell you.

 

Leaving you on FB doesn't mean anything. Probably forgot about it or doesn't see any reason to delete you since nothing ever happened between you two.

[Tk123]

I'd rather her be straightforward with me instead of beating around the bush.

 

You think I should go for it one last time this weekend and if she gives me another excuse say something like "if you were never interested you could have said something" or something along those lines?

 

She told me how much she was looking forward to hang out with me last weekend after we made plans to get together (this was prior to her canceling). Maybe I should just play it low and if I hear from her I'll take it from there

[Zahara]

I'd rather her be straightforward with me instead of beating around the bush.

 

You think I should go for it one last time this weekend and if she gives me another excuse say something like "if you were never interested you could have said something" or something along those lines?

 

She told me how much she was looking forward to hang out with me last weekend after we made plans to get together (this was prior to her canceling). Maybe I should just play it low and if I hear from her I'll take it from there

 

Well, she's not you and if this is the way she communicates, then you have to be smart enough to read between the lines. She doesn't owe you anything.

 

No, do not contact her again. As a woman, I will tell you that your behavior isn't appealing. Get the hint and let it go.

 

People say all sorts of crap. Just because she tells you she was looking forward, doesn't mean she was because her actions are telling you otherwise.

[Mr.Mango]

I'll agree with everyone else, she's probably not interested. She's just telling you in a pretty lame way. There's nothing wrong with girls not being interested, so no need to over think that.

 

I've run into girls like this in the past and there's honestly not much you can do about it. If dealing with a girl who's not interested and instead of saying: "I'm busy" which is a clear hint, goes ahead with plans to then cancel; you're better of making other plans for that same day. At least then when she cancels/stands you up, you've got other things to do. Another sure fire way to know what's going on is just ignore her on the day itself. If she doesn't seek out contact, or start wondering where you are, then you know where you stand.

 

So if she's not interested, drop it. No amount of badgering will make her interested.

[dasein]

This is rude behavior on her part, accepting an invitation then subsequent runaround. She could just as easily have declined to get together in the first place.

 

To reduce the odds of this going forward, meet woman, get number, call not text, and ask out for specific plans, not to hang out. Women get annoyed when they can't figure if they are being asked on a date or to do something indefinite with a guy they just met. You don't have to use the word "date," but the specific invite should clue her in. "Would you like to go -with me- to do A on B night?" Then silence until they say yes or no. If they accept, then cancel without suggesting a -specific- alternative and day/time, move on. If they already have plans, wait a few days then try one more time.

 

Please consider cutting the texting out with new, unknown women. Use the phone. After a 2, 3 at most unreturned calls, move on.

[Tk123]

This is rude behavior on her part, accepting an invitation then subsequent runaround. She could just as easily have declined to get together in the first place.

 

To reduce the odds of this going forward, meet woman, get number, call not text, and ask out for specific plans, not to hang out. Women get annoyed when they can't figure if they are being asked on a date or to do something indefinite with a guy they just met. You don't have to use the word "date," but the specific invite should clue her in. "Would you like to go -with me- to do A on B night?" Then silence until they say yes or no. If they accept, then cancel without suggesting a -specific- alternative and day/time, move on. If they already have plans, wait a few days then try one more time.

 

Please consider cutting the texting out with new, unknown women. Use the phone. After a 2, 3 at most unreturned calls, move on.

 

Thanks for this, I'm definitely going to call women I meet for now on.

 

I don't plan on breaking contact with this girl either. If she wants to meet up she has both my number and facebook, she can initiate for once.

[mtber75]

I'd rather her be straightforward with me instead of beating around the bush.

 

You think I should go for it one last time this weekend and if she gives me another excuse say something like "if you were never interested you could have said something" or something along those lines?

 

She told me how much she was looking forward to hang out with me last weekend after we made plans to get together (this was prior to her canceling). Maybe I should just play it low and if I hear from her I'll take it from there

 

Don't be a chump dude! Just move on! Women love stringing guys alone even if they have NO interest in them romantically because they love the attention!

[Tk123]

Make other plans for this weekend and have a great time.

 

Just reread the comments and saw this which is contradictory to what a couple of other members suggested. I didn't text her at all today and haven't heard from her either. Should I go ahead and try to make plans with her for tomorrow? I would once again be initiating contact.

[theloyalone1]

Dude, not to sound rude or mean

But your coming off alittle needy and desperate

She stood you up 3 times already. Can't

You take the hint? I've been in your shoes

But sometimes we have to not ignore

The signs.If she wants to go out

With you , she'll let you know trust me

I agree with other person who said

Don't text to ask a person out. Call.

Use the phone and possibly be direct

Time. All this set a date/cancel pattern

Will eventually get old.

[hestheone66]

I think because you want to see her.. you may have misread the advice to make other plans for this weekend. I believe the poster may have meant, make other plans without including her.. as she is clearly unreliable and if you wait for her she'll just be yanking your chain.

Even if you ended up going out on one date with her, she has demonstrated discourteous behaviour towards you and that would be completely consistent with her character.. as we are normally on our BEST behaviour with strangers and only start to take people for granted (unfortunately) when they become familiar.. walk away with dignity and don't contact her again. take her off fb if she wasn't on your fb before you met.. not to be mean, but as a signal that she was a stranger before.. and in essence she is still a stranger.

[xpaperxcutx]

It's weird what you did, you facebook stalked her and befriended her after only one night. I mean are you that desperate to chase down this girl especially since her interest in you has been lukewarm? So far all I've read is how hard you're after this girl and you fail to see that she just doesn't feel the same way about you.

 

Your problem is that you don't know how to look for more options aside from being hung up about one girl.

[fortyninethousand322]

It's weird what you did, you facebook stalked her and befriended her after only one night. I mean are you that desperate to chase down this girl especially since her interest in you has been lukewarm? So far all I've read is how hard you're after this girl and you fail to see that she just doesn't feel the same way about you.

 

Your problem is that you don't know how to look for more options aside from being hung up about one girl.

 

Sadly the reality for some people is that they just don't have options. So they get caught up in the only person who shows them even just the tiniest bit of interest...

[Star Gazer]

It's weird what you did, you facebook stalked her and befriended her after only one night. I mean are you that desperate to chase down this girl especially since her interest in you has been lukewarm? So far all I've read is how hard you're after this girl and you fail to see that she just doesn't feel the same way about you.

 

I totally agree.

 

And this also stood out to me:

 

I was more hurt this time just because I thought our plans to hang sometime during the weekend were first priority.

 

What gave you the idea that a girl you didn't even speak to at a party beyond hello/goodbye would make you the first priority of her weekend??

 

It's pretty clear she's not interested, I'm afraid.

[Joaquin]

This is rude behavior on her part, accepting an invitation then subsequent runaround. She could just as easily have declined to get together in the first place.

 

To reduce the odds of this going forward, meet woman, get number, call not text, and ask out for specific plans, not to hang out. Women get annoyed when they can't figure if they are being asked on a date or to do something indefinite with a guy they just met. You don't have to use the word "date," but the specific invite should clue her in. "Would you like to go -with me- to do A on B night?" Then silence until they say yes or no. If they accept, then cancel without suggesting a -specific- alternative and day/time, move on. If they already have plans, wait a few days then try one more time.

 

Please consider cutting the texting out with new, unknown women. Use the phone. After a 2, 3 at most unreturned calls, move on.

 

This. Say what u want, and don't be a pussy about it.

 

And getting knock backs is just part of it. Cricky if everyone got the first girl they liked the bars and clubs would be closed by 9pm every nite.

[irc333]

This. Say what u want, and don't be a pussy about it.

 

And getting knock backs is just part of it. Cricky if everyone got the first girl they liked the bars and clubs would be closed by 9pm every nite.

 

I hate to say this, most women won't give you the "Straight up" answer about their non-interest in you after you get their phone #, schedule a date, then the clock countdown ALL the way to date time..she decides to cancel.

 

This is quite common with the single people in this world. I have had very little honesty from people about wanting to ACTUALLY get together.

[Joaquin]

1 phone call to set up going out isnt a huge investment, or shouldnt be. U are after all dealing with a person who u probably dont know.

 

But I agree that some people seem to struggle with the basics of courtesy and consideration.

[Imajerk17]

Well, I have a different take on this. Her interest in you is thin but that is to be expected as you hardly spoke in person. The big problem as I see it is that the way you set it up, you don't know if she is blowing you off (i.e., she is against hang out with you but she doesn't know how to tell you this) or if she forgot/got sidetracked or whatever in getting back to you (due to her interest being thin or too much going on in her life). There is a difference!

 

1. I would have called her Sunday night to set up something specific. Tell her that you're going to call her when you were texting. If she was unresponsive, well then you would have had a clear answer.

 

2. I would not left your text exchange on Monday with here saying "I'm sure we'll figure something out". I would have tried to set something specific--.i.e., called her or at least asked her what day she thinks is good for her. At the very least I would have chatted with her some more. If she was unresponsive, well then you would have had a clear answer.

 

3. I would have texted her later that week asking how her week is going. You can still text her now asking how her weekend is going. Then you could have segued the conversation towards you and she hanging out and you could have set something up. If she was unresponsive, well then you would have had a clear answer. See a pattern here?

 

Again, I'm not saying that doing these things would have led to a date but you would have had a much clearer sense as to whether or not she would be willing to hang out with you.

 

A woman isn't going to take initiative to set something up with a guy unless she is really interested. After this past weekend that is what you asked her to do, after her "Something this week should work".

 

I see where the women are coming from but I don't agree. They are giving you their take from the perspective of not bothering the girl. I (and dasein) are giving you advice from the perspective of doing what you can to make things happen (while still being respectful of the girl), which is something we as guys have to do sometimes.

Edited July 28, 2013 by Imajerk17