Treasa Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 I've read all four of your threads. You seem to go from guy to guy, and seem REALLY desperate for a long-lasting relationship. People can detect that desperation and clinginess. Would you REALLY want an arranged marriage just to say you're married?? I have no intentions of getting married, but if I did, it sure wouldn't be to ease something that's missing inside myself. You are obsessing over guys way too much, way too early. When I first read this thread, I thought you were in your 20s. I'm sort of alarmed for you. You really need to seek some help. This is really bad for you to feel like this. 1
Author Ok Good Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 I've read all four of your threads. You seem to go from guy to guy, and seem REALLY desperate for a long-lasting relationship. People can detect that desperation and clinginess. Would you REALLY want an arranged marriage just to say you're married?? I have no intentions of getting married, but if I did, it sure wouldn't be to ease something that's missing inside myself. You are obsessing over guys way too much, way too early. When I first read this thread, I thought you were in your 20s. I'm sort of alarmed for you. You really need to seek some help. This is really bad for you to feel like this. Thank you for your directness here, but this is only the second guy I have posted about, and yes I really want a long-term relationship but I have not demonstrated the clinginess except for this one time when I over-contacted this guy after he left suddenly...I quickly quit THAT behavior. Most of what I'm posting here I have never said to him directly.
Author Ok Good Posted July 29, 2013 Author Posted July 29, 2013 For others reading this post, I just wanted to paste this post that I read on another thread here at LS. I think it can be helpful to alot of women out there, as I surely am learning alot from this experience... "When dating an adult woman, I expect her to conduct herself as an adult, and with basic standards of behavior. In our culture, women don't even realize all the crap they do because they have been told they are perfect and no one should ever question them. Frankly, many many women I know, not bad women, just women, behave in very mediocre ways, ways that would get a man's ass beaten on a daily basis. Often, they don't even realize it, and this is the most annoying thing of all, that a professional, accomplished adult could have that little self-awareness. Some examples... GF sees a really short guy across the restaurant. Starts staring and then -pointing- telling me "you've got to see this!" Then feigning "sick barfing" type stuff. This is a 40 y.o. highly educated, business executive who normally wouldn't do anything like this, just went into "bad girl" mode from HS because she's hot and no one ever called her on it. She's had a few too, but not drunk. Do I ruin our meal, make it into a "thing" tell her to shut the f up and grow up? gaining some respect and applying discipline? having to play a daddy I don't feel is my responsibility to play, but giving me indigestion? or just sit and passively aggressively endure it til it's over and wait for her to go "I'm an immature bitch... o crap I don't know what came over me." Or another one is sitting across a very expensive table at a restaurant she loves and we just had to go despite we discussed a quiet night in and I've worked 24 hours in the last two days. Despite being utterly exhausted from work, I'm rising to the occasion, charming her friends who stop by the table, flirting with GF, playing footsie even. This scanty tres chic meal is costing me $250, and as I'm smiling across a hideously overpriced entree, bam, "You seem lately like you aren't that into 'us'." My eyes change quite a bit and she knows she just screwed the pooch, "I can't believe I just said that, I don't know why I said that. That is the stupidest thing I've ever said in my life." Now, do I let this slide, or apply discipline, take her home and leave,or sit there and let her win her little scheme to grab power in an illegitimate way by "taking it." I take her home, and know instantly that she's on the phone telling mutual friends what a rigid, strict monster I am not to just accept her apology, if she even "remembers" to mention her utterly rude and inaccurate fishing comment. I could type out hundreds, maybe thousands of these. And these aren't "bad" women. Just emotional, as women are prone to be mores o than men. They are indeed capable of bad behavior while being a good person. That's the nature we accept in the female, and it can be a charming thing in other contexts. But as to OP's dilemma and frustration? I understand EXACTLY where he's coming from. I was sold a bill of goods of equality, but am still expected to walk a daddy-lover tightrope from time to time that I don't feel is my responsibility or shouldn't be in 2013." Thankfully I have not behave that obviously poorly, but I absolutely need to show up as an adult woman rather than a spoiled girl.
Treasa Posted July 29, 2013 Posted July 29, 2013 The last guy you wanted to contact when you got some good news, in the hopes that it would tempt him to take you out of the friendzone and want to be romantic with you again. I'm sorry, but that's desperate and clingy. I know you didn't call him, but if you had had his number available right away, you very likely would have. And you went right from that guy to this guy, it seems. You can ignore my advice all you'd like, but the fact that you got so upset about this incident, and then started texting him several times, convinces me that I'm right. Deep down I have a feeling you know it, too. I was once that woman. Don't feel bad. You CAN do something about it.
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