Defense of BS Who R

[LBean]

When my partner of 6 years cheated on me, and family/friends found out, my social circle divided.

 

The first time I stayed, I had friends that completely cut me out of their lives for staying with him, because they couldn't understand how I could stay with someone who would hurt me so much and decided that they didn't want to be around when they did it again. My father was one of them, our relationship suffered a great deal when I told him that I wasn't leaving.

 

On the other side, when I left after his second turn on the merry-go-round, a couple of my friends thought I was insane to leave. That I was getting older and therefor would have a hard time finding someone who would love me again. My mother especially gave me a hard time, and tried desperately to convince me to stay, but she's completely miserable if her children are single, she can't stand it so I wasn't really shocked. She looks down her nose at anyone who isn't in a long term relationship after the age of 25 - no matter the circumstances surrounding said relationship.

 

I dunno, whatever makes you happy and/or sane is the way to go in my opinion. I know I wasn't happy always waiting for the "next time" so I left. It was hard and I was devastated for a long time. In the end though I was better off.

 

I don't regret any of my decisions, even staying the first time IMO wasn't a mistake.

[Eggplant]

When my partner of 6 years cheated on me, and family/friends found out, my social circle divided.

 

The first time I stayed, I had friends that completely cut me out of their lives for staying with him, because they couldn't understand how I could stay with someone who would hurt me so much and decided that they didn't want to be around when they did it again. My father was one of them, our relationship suffered a great deal when I told him that I wasn't leaving.

 

On the other side, when I left after his second turn on the merry-go-round, a couple of my friends thought I was insane to leave. That I was getting older and therefor would have a hard time finding someone who would love me again. My mother especially gave me a hard time, and tried desperately to convince me to stay, but she's completely miserable if her children are single, she can't stand it so I wasn't really shocked. She looks down her nose at anyone who isn't in a long term relationship after the age of 25 - no matter the circumstances surrounding said relationship.

 

I dunno, whatever makes you happy and/or sane is the way to go in my opinion. I know I wasn't happy always waiting for the "next time" so I left. It was hard and I was devastated for a long time. In the end though I was better off.

 

I don't regret any of my decisions, even staying the first time IMO wasn't a mistake.

Damned if you do and damned if you don't. It's nobody's place to judge either way.

[Spark1111]

I just got attacked on my own post for posting about starting to become happy in reconciliation with my husband, but it was by a frustrated OW...so it does happen that couples in reconciliation are berated for their choice to do so.

 

I once started the very same sort of thread....and was vivisected for it by....OW.

 

It hits a nerve, I'm sure.

[janedoe67]

I once started the very same sort of thread....and was vivisected for it by....OW.

 

It hits a nerve, I'm sure.

 

That is because you took away their toy....or rather, you took back YOUR toy that they chose to play with.

 

Not every couple affected by adultery reconciles. It's a very personal choice. But when there is TRUE reconciliation and redemption it is a beautiful thing to see.