Brunettie Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 My boyfriend and I have been dating a year. We've talked about the future and are in a good place in our relationship. Everything is pretty perfect. He said when I graduate in May, I should move in with him. (that was a few weeks ago) However, the other day he said he's thinking about buying a house and like putting up a wall somewhere and renting half of it out to someone. He's also said he wants to buy a house and his best friend move in and pay rent. He says stuff like that and I just kind of wonder to myself... is he thinking of this stuff and just him...or is he thinking that I'm going to be moving in too? I kinda brought it up when he said about his best friend moving in. And he said the 3 of us could live together. Which I'd be ok with temporarily, but eventually I want it to just be us. The stranger moving in to rent the house with him is a new concept he's thought up, but he said if he did that it wouldn't be for about 2-3 years.. By then we're dating 3-4 years.... He's said his typical dating timeline would be: Date 2 years. Move in 1 year. Get engaged for 1 year. Then marry. So by that timeline...by the time he buys that house we'll be engaged or married.. I just don't know if he's randomly thinking out loud to me with those thoughts, or if he's thinking about us still, and I just move in with those room mates...
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Well, instead of waiting for clarifications and explanations from him - why don't you tell him what YOU want to do? Because if 'room-mates/tenants' was not on your cards, you need to tell him that sooner rather than later. Is he making all these plans assuming you'll be okay with it all? 1
Author Brunettie Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 (edited) I did ask him about moving in with his best friend. I basically said, Me: "So you and X are maybe moving in together?" him: yeah maybe. Me: "I thought you said we'd move in together after I graduate." Him: Yes Me: So it'll be the 3 of us? Him: Yeah, is that a problem? So, I know that one he is thinking of me too...when he brought up buying a house and making some sort of division and getting some random room mate, I was like, "I dont know about that....." This is how I feel about it in my gut... I feel like these are things hes thinking of, entertaining the idea...I don't see the random room mate, making a division in a house thing ever happening. And I don't really see him moving back in with his best friend. Maybe, but I don't see it.. Oh and a little while ago he sent me a text saying "if you ever get a room mate we should ---" I saw that and I was like, based on what we've talked about I won't have a room mate, I'll be moving straight in with him.. I don't know, I'm probably just making a mountain out of a molehill. Edited July 26, 2013 by Brunettie
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 "Yeah, is that a problem?" is a huge red flag for me, I'm sorry. It's like it's a 'fait accompli' and you'll be welcome to fit in as well, of course.... He may be all 'mouth and trousers' and hot air - but the fact he's even developed the idea worries me....
Author Brunettie Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Him asking if that's a problem is him doing just that, asking if I'm ok with it. I know when I wrote it, it sounded sarcastic, but that's not how he meant it. But like I said, I think this is just him entertaining different thoughts and ideas and just speaking his thoughts. But one more thing actually.. when he talks about the future, sometimes he'll say, "Hypothetically...if we get married etc etc" That's kind of always bothered me. You can just say "If we get married" and it has the same effect. Maybe that's just me being weird though.
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 On the face of black-and-white comments which give the merest, tiniest almost microscopic crack onto what you two guys are like - just by what you have put above, I sense you're giving the guy way too much credit. See, you came in and stated 'he goes back and forth'. I read that as indecisive, hot-and-cold, changeable..... I'm saying it would make me feel very uncomfortable and wary. Then you come back in and 'defend' him, make allowances and grab some of the 'weight' as in 'it might be me'..... So, all I've done is give you insight into what I perceived - from what you wrote - the issue to be. But you know best. Yet, I think you're still as much in a fog.... aren't you?
Author Brunettie Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Well, yes kind of. But we're not at the point in our relationship where we are going to be moving in, so I'm just guessing that's why he's thinking. My replies were me thinking out loud sort of. I mean, we've had talks about what we want in the future, and how certain we are that the other is 'the one' so everything's going in the right direction. Him talking about the moving in thing with room mates, never really worried me because it's thoughts right now. Nothing for sure. I mean, I thought it was weird, but I was never worried about it.
snowflakes88 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 You've had LOTS of red flags with this guy that you've chosen to ignore/forgive. It's no wonder you feel insecure. If you guys are moving in together, why is pondering the possibility of you having your own roommate?
Author Brunettie Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 You've had LOTS of red flags with this guy that you've chosen to ignore/forgive. It's no wonder you feel insecure. If you guys are moving in together, why is pondering the possibility of you having your own roommate? I'm assuming you're referring to previous posts. A lot has changed since then, and as I said in my op, things are pretty much perfect now. What I stated in this post is really the only "weird" thing. I don't think it means anything. This is kind of how he is/thinks. I just wanted opinions I guess
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