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Would it bother you if your partner was attracted to you only because of personality?

PJKino

By PJKino
in General Relationship Discussion

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PJKino Established Member

PJKino

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Lets say you somehow found out that your partner was attracted to you because of your personality but didnt find you particularly physically attractive would it not matter to you? would it bother you at all?

Ryan R. Established Member

Ryan R.

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It would. Sex is part of a relationship, is it not? If they're not sexually attracted to me, then they wouldn't really want to rip my clothes off would they?

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Arabella Established Member

Arabella

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Yes, it would bother me. So much so that I would probably end the relationship.

 

I don't want physical attraction to be the only factor, but a balance of both is very much necessary for a healthy relationship.

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Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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To me 'attraction' equals 'desire' therefore I don't understand the issue.

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New User Established Member

New User

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Lets say you somehow found out that your partner was attracted to you because of your personality but didnt find you particularly physically attractive would it not matter to you? would it bother you at all?

 

 

Is this purely hypothetical? I can't help but note the phrase "somehow found out" and infer that however this were to happen it wouldn't have been them telling you.

 

In any case, I call the girls that I'm attracted to because of their personality but not physically attracted to friends. I think that you need both for a healthy relationship.

therhythm Established Member

therhythm

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Yes, it would bother me. So much so that I would probably end the relationship.

 

I don't want physical attraction to be the only factor, but a balance of both is very much necessary for a healthy relationship.

 

100% in agreement... if she would not find me physically attractive that is a deal breaker... as much as she would not find my personality attractive ....

  • Like 2
crude Established Member

crude

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Sex is only a small part of life. You'd be surprised how many married people don't have much, if any sex. They simply don't need it. You can love your family and children without banging them (unless you live in West Virginia). Maybe a spouse/bf,gf can be more of a companion/partner, and not a sex partner.

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Arabella Established Member

Arabella

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To me 'attraction' equals 'desire' therefore I don't understand the issue.

 

Finding someone's personality attractive enough to somehow develop into a relationship can happen... but it doesn't necessarily mean that there was any physical attraction to begin with.

 

In that situation, sex becomes simply a nice thing you enjoy doing with your partner. In my opinion, it should be something you crave and need because you're SO attracted to that person... not just because you love them.

 

Those two situations are distinctly separate levels of intimacy and desire.

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Content Established Member

Content

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Finding someone's personality attractive enough to somehow develop into a relationship can happen... but it doesn't necessarily mean that there was any physical attraction to begin with.

 

In that situation, sex becomes simply a nice thing you enjoy doing with your partner. In my opinion, it should be something you crave and need because you're SO attracted to that person... not just because you love them.

 

Those two situations are distinctly separate levels of intimacy and desire.

 

Non hot people find themselves in love and attracted to each other all the time perhaps you and some others can only find conventionally attractive people hot but average people somehow find ways to atrtact people without being 10's.

Arabella Established Member

Arabella

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Non hot people find themselves in love and attracted to each other all the time perhaps you and some others can only find conventionally attractive people hot but average people somehow find ways to atrtact people without being 10's.

 

Huh? How is this relevant?

 

Methinks you're being a little sensitive.

 

I said absolutely nothing about how "hot" the people in these scenarios are... Hot or not, they still should find each other physically attractive, not just their personalities!

 

That's the whole point I was trying to make.

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Miss_raptor Member

Miss_raptor

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Being physically attracted to someone is pretty important, in my opinion. Now, I've been attracted to some pretty unconventional people, but there was still a certain physical attraction going on (as well as being attracted to their personality). Sex is pretty important to me, and it's a pretty big thing in my relationships, so if someone wasn't physically attracted to me, but liked me as a person, I'd call them my friend and try and find someone who did find me attractive.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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Finding someone's personality attractive enough to somehow develop into a relationship can happen... but it doesn't necessarily mean that there was any physical attraction to begin with.

 

In that situation, sex becomes simply a nice thing you enjoy doing with your partner. In my opinion, it should be something you crave and need because you're SO attracted to that person... not just because you love them.

 

Those two situations are distinctly separate levels of intimacy and desire.

If the bolded is the case then it's not attraction.

 

Attraction is the wish to be sexually intimate with someone, it means desire. If the desire for sex isn't there, there is no attraction. It's something else but not attraction.

  • Like 1
Arabella Established Member

Arabella

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If the bolded is the case then it's not attraction.

 

Attraction is the wish to be sexually intimate with someone, it means desire. If the desire for sex isn't there, there is no attraction. It's something else but not attraction.

 

That might just come down to your particular definition of the word, I think.

 

Have you done online dating? If so, has it never happened to you that you talk to someone online or over the phone, and find them extremely attractive... but then their appearance puts you off?

 

Just an example ;)

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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I would actually like her to start liking me for my personality. Im a decently attractive guy , so eventually after establishing an emotional connection, I would assume she would start finding me more and more attractive the closer we got.

 

 

 

So yes. I WOULD like a girl to be attracted to my personality for once.

  • Like 1
SteveC80 Established Member

SteveC80

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Wheter people want to admit it or not lust and physical attraction is a HUGE part of a relationship.

 

Most average or unattratcive people settled for what they can get and arent extremely physically attracted to their partner.

 

Its much easier to rev yourself up physically to a hot person then a person youre kind of blah on

 

I feel sorry for a people who have to search far and wide for menatl things to get atttracted to their partner so they can stomach sleeping with them rather then to be in lust just by looking at their partner because he or she is very good looking.

Emilia Established Member

Emilia

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That might just come down to your particular definition of the word, I think.

Not my particular defintion but the definition. Being attracted to someone means sexually desiring them. If the OP means being liked for his personality then that's different. However he used the word attracted.

Have you done online dating? If so, has it never happened to you that you talk to someone online or over the phone, and find them extremely attractive... but then their appearance puts you off?

 

Just an example ;)

I've never desired anyone sexually whom I didn't find physically attractive. That doesn't mean they were conventionally attractive but they were attractive to me.

Babolat Established Member

Babolat

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My ex gf and I were talking about this very topic the other night. She said "Not only are you a great looking guy with a great body, I love your personality and sense of humor". We met online and she said my photos were "Ok", I was much better in person; it's my sense of humor, wit and personality that got her attention.

 

To answer your question, if a woman said this to me, yes, it would bother me.

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therhythm Established Member

therhythm

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Not my particular defintion but the definition. Being attracted to someone means sexually desiring them. If the OP means being liked for his personality then that's different. However he used the word attracted.

 

I've never desired anyone sexually whom I didn't find physically attractive. That doesn't mean they were conventionally attractive but they were attractive to me.

 

This is playing with semantics Emilia... it is clear from OP's post that he means being liked ... else he would have not said attracted to the personality ;).

AD1980 Established Member

AD1980

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Which is why i dont hit on women much..i know im not attractive and to get a women id have to find spomebody who likes my other aspects enough to tolerate me physically but not truly be attracted to me physcially which would suck

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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Lets say you somehow found out that your partner was attracted to you because of your personality but didnt find you particularly physically attractive would it not matter to you? would it bother you at all?

 

That is one of the most common ways people settle. They argue that passion fades anyway, so why not just skip the butterflies/honeymoon/infatuation stage all together?

 

I can't do it and if I found out that a guy was with me just because of my personality, I would end it immediately.

  • Like 5
skydiveaddict Established Member

skydiveaddict

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Lets say you somehow found out that your partner was attracted to you because of your personality but didnt find you particularly physically attractive would it not matter to you? would it bother you at all?

 

It would bother me.

  • Like 1
iris219 Established Member

iris219

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Which is why i dont hit on women much..i know im not attractive and to get a women id have to find spomebody who likes my other aspects enough to tolerate me physically but not truly be attracted to me physcially which would suck

 

If there's no physical attraction, that's not a relationship; that's a friendship.

 

Your statement above makes little sense because being conventionally attractive has little do with someone finding you physically attractive.

 

I am willing to bet that every single person here on LS has been attracted to a person who would not be considered conventionally hot.

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Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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If somebody I love is hot for me, I don't care what lit the fire. I've experienced it and I know I'm not the finest physical specimen around.

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Phantom888 Established Member

Phantom888

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So people who are not physically attractive don't deserve love? I mean, for them, their partner would have to be attracted only to their inside. They have no choice. If they reject their partner for ONLY loving their personality, then they would have no one.

 

I think physical attraction is so important, and people who say it's not are LYING! I think physical attraction increases as your emotional attraction increases. I am so in love right now I can't imagine any woman more beautiful than mine. I dare take a lie detector test, and I bet $10,000 I'd pass because I truly believe my woman is the most beautiful woman in the world. She thinks I'm biased, but I don't think so.

 

I'm an attractive man by most standards. I dated a woman who admitted at the end that she was not physically attracted to me at all. That really hurt. She was willing to sleep with me, but was not attracted to me? WTF?! So I agree with most of the responses... If my partner is not attracted to me physically, then it's not a good match.

Mme. Chaucer Established Member

Mme. Chaucer

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So people who are not physically attractive don't deserve love? I mean, for them, their partner would have to be attracted only to their inside. They have no choice. If they reject their partner for ONLY loving their personality, then they would have no one.

 

I think physical attraction is so important, and people who say it's not are LYING! I think physical attraction increases as your emotional attraction increases. I am so in love right now I can't imagine any woman more beautiful than mine. I dare take a lie detector test, and I bet $10,000 I'd pass because I truly believe my woman is the most beautiful woman in the world. She thinks I'm biased, but I don't think so.

 

I'm an attractive man by most standards. I dated a woman who admitted at the end that she was not physically attracted to me at all. That really hurt. She was willing to sleep with me, but was not attracted to me? WTF?! So I agree with most of the responses... If my partner is not attracted to me physically, then it's not a good match.

 

I believe that if you love someone romantically, you feel physically attracted to them, even if you can see objectively that they might not be super hot.

 

Are you guys aware of all the people throughout history who were complete lotharios or femme fatales who were not great looking?

 

It's not just "personality," there is something inside of people that creates attraction in other people, especially those who are somehow compatible. Sex appeal is not really all about "HWR" or height, no matter how many times folks here claim that it is.

 

I think that "something" usually emerges if someone is very, very comfortable in their own skin and is living life authentically.

 

That would categorically exclude any not conventionally super attractive people who are even thinking about how sucky it would be to be liked for their "personality" rather than the way they looked.

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