I am angry

[lukekarts]

15+ days no contact, just shy of 4 weeks since the breakup.

 

I am angry. I wake up feeling sick every day, mornings are the worst. And then the sickness turns to anger.

 

I know she's emotionally quite fragile but I really feel like I need to lay into her hard. I still can't believe after 10 years and allowing me to relocate for her she chose to dump me via text message and leave me stranded in a new city.

 

What am I supposed to do with these thoughts?

 

I'm stuck somewhere between depression and rage. Yet I still love her and saw nothing wrong with our relationship that is making letting go so much harder.

 

And despite counselling etc I'm really struggling to find any sort of answer. I felt I was so good to her, particularly considering some of her circumstances were quite challenging. Rocky relationship of her parents, mid-20's career change, supporting her through University, supporting her when she had a horrible living situation, supporting her when her sister got divorced, supporting her through a really challenging job / bullying at work. Like I say, she has always been a bit fragile, but when it finally started to come together she's let me go when I needed her the most. Nobody, none of her, mine or mutual friends had an inkling, which makes it so much harder to let go. In fact, everybody was somewhat envious of our relationship. This really gets me down, especially after the condescening way she split up and some of the cliched crap she came out with. I am even worried about her somewhat, as two of her friends are about to leave the country (one permanently relocating to the US, one to China for 2 years) and I know she's going to end up lonely and missing us.

Edited July 26, 2013 by lukekarts

[aloneinaz]

I know how you feel my man.. I busted my ass helping my ex out for the last 3-4 months of our off/on relationship. Nothing was enough for her and she ended it though it wasn't a big surprise. She has been fading out, was bitchy, moody, always picking stupid fights and nit picking.

 

The only things that will help you is to stay NC and time passing by. You need to move on. In all likelyhood, she was fading out on that relationship until she ended it. If she came back to you, it wouldn't last anyway, they rarely do.

 

Work on you. Stay busy and go out when you're up to it. People can be cruel and selfish but they also have the right to get out of a relationship they are not happy with. My ex broke up with me 3 times this year. The 3rd time was the last and she's heard NOTHING from me since nor will she ever. You don't want me in your life or the life of your children that I was great to and loved, you got it..

[Inviv_girl]

I'm sorry you are in this situation. I know how you feel.. it is hurt and it is hard. My ex- left me when I needed him the most. The dream of married, having children together that I'm so ready and looking forward to just vanished once he ended things.. he just left- throw me away like I mean nothing to him. The promises he made, the hope he gave, not only to me but also to my family and yet he broke it and just left. I'm hurt and it so close to one year now. I'm fear.. fear of having relationship ever again and afraid to fall in love again. If you were me you would just crying right now and wallowing over death relationship but I suggest you not to! go out there and meet people, find new hobbies, keep busy, cry if you want to but one thing for sure do not contact her! she choose to let you go, throw you out of her life so give her what she wanted. Life is unfair my man but it is what it is. Choose to be happy no matter what! Keep spirit! easier said than done... but try to focus on your own well being.

[onearthur]

Hey Luke,

 

Hang on in there brother and stay strong!

 

You totally don't deserve any of this but life has dealt you this hand and you must play. You did what every true lover should do and committed to things that most women merely dream of their guys doing. You MUST hold your head high and carrying on walking forward, looking back you won't be able to move forward.

 

Memories are very powerful and she will have to live with the demons she has created.

 

-A

 

PS - I did everything for my girl too and the year we were due to get married she cheated on me. She was really sorry but within a few months of me breaking up with her she got a new guy and moved on very quickly!

Life's weird, no Contact is the only thing that has kept me sane...

 

15+ days no contact, just shy of 4 weeks since the breakup.

 

I am angry. I wake up feeling sick every day, mornings are the worst. And then the sickness turns to anger.

 

I know she's emotionally quite fragile but I really feel like I need to lay into her hard. I still can't believe after 10 years and allowing me to relocate for her she chose to dump me via text message and leave me stranded in a new city.

 

What am I supposed to do with these thoughts?

 

I'm stuck somewhere between depression and rage. Yet I still love her and saw nothing wrong with our relationship that is making letting go so much harder.

 

And despite counselling etc I'm really struggling to find any sort of answer. I felt I was so good to her, particularly considering some of her circumstances were quite challenging. Rocky relationship of her parents, mid-20's career change, supporting her through University, supporting her when she had a horrible living situation, supporting her when her sister got divorced, supporting her through a really challenging job / bullying at work. Like I say, she has always been a bit fragile, but when it finally started to come together she's let me go when I needed her the most. Nobody, none of her, mine or mutual friends had an inkling, which makes it so much harder to let go. In fact, everybody was somewhat envious of our relationship. This really gets me down, especially after the condescening way she split up and some of the cliched crap she came out with. I am even worried about her somewhat, as two of her friends are about to leave the country (one permanently relocating to the US, one to China for 2 years) and I know she's going to end up lonely and missing us.

[mtnbiker3000]

You are not alone. I too am now in a new city (crappy one at that) and alone after moving here to be with my ex. All you can do is make the best of it. Try to get out and have new experiences and meet new people...

[LifeIsGreat]

There is nothing wrong with letting her know how you feel, as long as you do it in a mature adult way. It has to be done without blaming or anger. Keep in mind, you will never get closure from her (than comes from within). But letting her know how much you care, how you really wished things would have worked out, AND letting her know how her actions affect you is a healthy thing to do.

 

As someone else said, there is nothing wrong with leaving a relationship that doesn't 'do it' for you anymore. There is no need to vilify a dumper. At the same time, there is nothing wrong with calling people out on their actions either. Just be careful to not let it turn into a fight or argument. Always bow out gratiously.

[lukekarts]

Thank you for the kind words people.

 

I'm busy trying to sort out the last hold she has over me, getting some of my possessions back, which is easier said than done now she's gone to Australia for 6 weeks. She knew about them and had plenty of time to return them but didn't.

 

I am also going to counselling for my second session tonight. I hope it helps.

 

I've bought a new car (collecting in two weeks) and I'm keeping myself exceptionally busy.

 

I am still angry, but also proud of the fact that I am the better person and if I can overcome my initial shyness I am going to be the best boyfriend my next girlfriend will have ever had. I suppose from that I can take some confidence, but I just need to work hard to get over the emotional hurdle that hits me, particularly when I wake up every morning.