love1336x Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 In February it will be two years, that me and my ex have been broken up. I find myself thinking about him A LOT. Wondering what he is doing, wondering if he has a new girlfriend, but then i usually shake it off, by doing something else, watching tv, home work, tons of other stuff. Technically we only been on NC since my birthday. May 14th. He wished me happy birthday, and i txt back. "Thanks" I find myself thinking, "What if he was my soul-mate and i miss him because i won't ever find anyone else?!?!?" It's annoying to still feel this way after so much time have pass. To still miss, and want him. But, good side is i know we can't ever get back together. We simply do not work. So, at least I control myself from txting him and telling him how i feel... that's the only good thing. Having self-control. But, i would kidding myself if i wouldn't love it if he came back to me...
Author love1336x Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel so sad? Thought I was over you But I keep crying When I don't love you So why does it hurt so bad I thought I had let you go So, why does it hurt me so I gotta get you outta my head It hurts so bad My life's been better since the day I left you boy I must admit life's been kind to me I went and did the things I said I would do boy I found someone who loves me for me Haven't had much drama since the day that we split boy My heart's never been more at ease And when I think of all the things you put me thru Leaving you has been the best thing for me Why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel so sad? Thought I was over you But I keep crying When I don't love you So why does it hurt so bad I thought I had let you go So, why does it hurt me so I gotta get you outta my head It hurts so bad Never again that's what I said to myself I never wanna feel your kinda pain again boy Just when I think it's over Just when I think it's thru I find myself right back in love with you Why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel so sad? Thought I was over you But I keep crying When I don't love you So why does it hurt so bad I thought I had let you go So, why does it hurt me so I gotta get you outta my head It hurts so bad 1
Author love1336x Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Jeesh, you really do have to move on....! lol... well thank you. I never thought about doing that. you are such amazing person... you have open my eyes.:lmao: 2
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 That's ok. Glad to be of service. So: Why haven't you?
Author love1336x Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Hmm if i knew I don't think i would be on this board. It is about coping with a break up is it not? ohh for you everything has a time limit? you can only moan for 3 days and be back to your regular old self? I think i have fear that i'll never meet somebody who can match up to him. Which so far it's true. I dated a lot of losers since him... and it's just blahhhhh.
Author love1336x Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 So far, I dated a dude who wanting me to pull out on the 2nd date. Never saw him again. Another one who HAD a girlfriend already.... ( i didn't know at the time!) and cheapo man who was making lots of money, but would complain if i ask for some gum... I will stay single until I am 40.
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Hmm if i knew I don't think i would be on this board. It is about coping with a break up is it not? Yes, but by now, your coping mechanism should be steaming full ahead. Given that 2 years have passed, the mourning period should have begun to ease, psychologically, at around 6 months. This must be draining your emotional resources. You miust be getting sick and tired of feeling this way, by now.... ohh for you everything has a time limit? you can only moan for 3 days and be back to your regular old self? I nwever mentioned 3 days. But by virtue of the fact that you're posting, it';s you who seems to realise that enough is enough... Remember the "12-minute" factor: (See next Post) I think i have fear that i'll never meet somebody who can match up to him. Which so far it's true. I dated a lot of losers since him... and it's just blahhhhh. That's because you compare. You need to quit comparing. Everyone is different, has a right to be who they are, and are unique in their own right. They may not be worse. They surely may not be better. But they are (rightly) different. And I think you maybe subconsciously look for faults because you're scared of moving on, full stop. You deliberately find fault in order to avoid progress.... 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I read something on the internet, a while back, that struck a chord.... Basically it said that when you're in true distress, the distress lasts for 12 minutes or so. After that, it's self-inflicted. A stack of people came back with arguments against this fact: That drug addicts can take years to get over their pain, bereavement is permanent because someone is gone you can't replace them... They were missing the point. If a thought that provokes the pain comes into your head, that thought generates that pain for around 12 minutes at a time. Any prolongation of that pain, is something you are psychologically inflicting upon yourself, by perpetuating that pain. So the thing to do, is to not permit that pain to 'snowball.' This is the problem with situations like this: Those nursing a broken/healing heart, can't "just leave it there".... They begin the snowballing... that is, they have the grain of an embryonic thought, and instead of leaving it, they begin to roll it DOWN the hill, accumulating more 'snow' as they go, turning this fleeting little notion into a great big story complete with chapter, verse, footnotes and date references.... The trick is to not start rolling the snowball. Pick it up and throw it, and move on. It takes time to 'get over' a relationship of any kind. But in your healing process, learn to spot, to recognise, where the real 'pain' should stop, and where you begin with the self-inflicted 'pain'. Pain is valid. Emotions are valid. They deserve to be honoured. But if we self-inflict, we actually do those honourable feelings an injustice, because we coat them and embellish them with our own story, and blur the edges of their raw honesty. The self inflicted pain begins when you begin to labour the point. When you diversify from the original thought and take that line of thinking into a completely new and unrelated zone. you may THINK it's all related, but it's not. For example: (totally invented and just to demonstrate....) You suddenly remember that day the car ran out of petrol, and you jokingly accused him of doing it on purpose, in order to get down to some naughty hanky-panky... it makes you smile, but you then remember where you were going, what your trip out was for, what he was wearing, other things he said.... Here it is again, with the original thought, and where the point starts getting laboured... (1) You suddenly remember that day the car ran out of petrol, and you jokingly accused him of doing it on purpose, in order to get down to some naughty hanky-panky... it makes you smile, [highlight]snowballing starts here[/highlight] (2) but you then remember where you were going, what your trip out was for, what he was wearing, other things he said.... See what happened there? You began the snowballing, adding, embellishing, expanding - and feeding your own pain.
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 So far, I dated a dude who wanting me to pull out on the 2nd date. Never saw him again. Another one who HAD a girlfriend already.... ( i didn't know at the time!) and cheapo man who was making lots of money, but would complain if i ask for some gum... I will stay single until I am 40. I admit there are flakes around - but that cuts both ways.... Yeah, I found love again at nearly 50......
Author love1336x Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 It HAS not been TWO years FULLY. In February 2014 WILL be two years! So far, been a year and four months, but not two years.. I am not that crazy! I nwever mentioned 3 days. But by virtue of the fact that you're posting, it';s you who seems to realise that enough is enough... Yea... you got a point. That's because you compare. You need to quit comparing. Everyone is different, has a right to be who they are, and are unique in their own right. They may not be worse. They surely may not be better. But they are (rightly) different. And I think you maybe subconsciously look for faults because you're scared of moving on, full stop. You deliberately find fault in order to avoid progress.... ughhhhhh! I can't help it! It's like finding gold, then finding... POOP. Dirty nasty poop! I TRY so HARD not! I really do! But then I am always like... "Damn I really had it good... why wasn't I good enough for him?" To be honest I don't think I miss him. I mean I do, but what he brought to a relationship is what i miss the most. I don't think I can let that go. I know I'll never find it again. He is so different from others. When I think about him I think about the stuff and things we did together and how he made me feel. He really did make me feel wonderful inside and out, and I dunno? I want that feeling back, with him? Maybe, but I know me and him will never be again. So, i just want that feeling again.
Author love1336x Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 I read something on the internet, a while back, that struck a chord.... Basically it said that when you're in true distress, the distress lasts for 12 minutes or so. After that, it's self-inflicted. A stack of people came back with arguments against this fact: That drug addicts can take years to get over their pain, bereavement is permanent because someone is gone you can't replace them... They were missing the point. If a thought that provokes the pain comes into your head, that thought generates that pain for around 12 minutes at a time. Any prolongation of that pain, is something you are psychologically inflicting upon yourself, by perpetuating that pain. So the thing to do, is to not permit that pain to 'snowball.' This is the problem with situations like this: Those nursing a broken/healing heart, can't "just leave it there".... They begin the snowballing... that is, they have the grain of an embryonic thought, and instead of leaving it, they begin to roll it DOWN the hill, accumulating more 'snow' as they go, turning this fleeting little notion into a great big story complete with chapter, verse, footnotes and date references.... The trick is to not start rolling the snowball. Pick it up and throw it, and move on. It takes time to 'get over' a relationship of any kind. But in your healing process, learn to spot, to recognise, where the real 'pain' should stop, and where you begin with the self-inflicted 'pain'. Pain is valid. Emotions are valid. They deserve to be honoured. But if we self-inflict, we actually do those honourable feelings an injustice, because we coat them and embellish them with our own story, and blur the edges of their raw honesty. The self inflicted pain begins when you begin to labour the point. When you diversify from the original thought and take that line of thinking into a completely new and unrelated zone. you may THINK it's all related, but it's not. For example: (totally invented and just to demonstrate....) You suddenly remember that day the car ran out of petrol, and you jokingly accused him of doing it on purpose, in order to get down to some naughty hanky-panky... it makes you smile, but you then remember where you were going, what your trip out was for, what he was wearing, other things he said.... Here it is again, with the original thought, and where the point starts getting laboured... (1) You suddenly remember that day the car ran out of petrol, and you jokingly accused him of doing it on purpose, in order to get down to some naughty hanky-panky... it makes you smile, [highlight]snowballing starts here[/highlight] (2) but you then remember where you were going, what your trip out was for, what he was wearing, other things he said.... See what happened there? You began the snowballing, adding, embellishing, expanding - and feeding your own pain. I know.
Emilia Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 How about accepting it and not fighting it? I miss my ex but I quite like having him in the back of my mind and I don't fight it. There is nothing I can do so might as well just go along and learn to live with it. Sometimes you don't get over people completely, it's not the end of the world. ::shrug::
Exitleft Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel so sad? Thought I was over you But I keep crying When I don't love you So why does it hurt so bad I thought I had let you go So, why does it hurt me so I gotta get you outta my head It hurts so bad My life's been better since the day I left you boy I must admit life's been kind to me I went and did the things I said I would do boy I found someone who loves me for me Haven't had much drama since the day that we split boy My heart's never been more at ease And when I think of all the things you put me thru Leaving you has been the best thing for me Why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel so sad? Thought I was over you But I keep crying When I don't love you So why does it hurt so bad I thought I had let you go So, why does it hurt me so I gotta get you outta my head It hurts so bad Never again that's what I said to myself I never wanna feel your kinda pain again boy Just when I think it's over Just when I think it's thru I find myself right back in love with you Why does it hurt so bad? Why do I feel so sad? Thought I was over you But I keep crying When I don't love you So why does it hurt so bad I thought I had let you go So, why does it hurt me so I gotta get you outta my head It hurts so bad How ironic you would play this song, I've had it on my mind but been avoiding it. It's had some sentimental memories attached to it for me also, the live version should be avoided at all costs if you're feeling delicate
Exitleft Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I admit there are flakes around - but that cuts both ways.... Yeah, I found love again at nearly 50...... You have been missed around here!
Author love1336x Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 How ironic you would play this song, I've had it on my mind but been avoiding it. It's had some sentimental memories attached to it for me also, the live version should be avoided at all costs if you're feeling delicate LOL. I played it ONCE today! I try to avoid it too! >.> sometimes it sucks. But then I feel this song have powerful message! Like she MOVED on! Got a man! NO DRAMA! Her life is WONDERFUL! Yet she still misses him. I love it. I love it. 1
Author love1336x Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 How about accepting it and not fighting it? I miss my ex but I quite like having him in the back of my mind and I don't fight it. There is nothing I can do so might as well just go along and learn to live with it. Sometimes you don't get over people completely, it's not the end of the world. ::shrug:: Lol... if i don't fight it I feel I will be overcome by emotions, and be at stage one again. With the sadness, and the blah. Day by day I guess day by day.
Exitleft Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 LOL. I played it ONCE today! I try to avoid it too! >.> sometimes it sucks. But then I feel this song have powerful message! Like she MOVED on! Got a man! NO DRAMA! Her life is WONDERFUL! Yet she still misses him. I love it. I love it. It's dangerous beautiful song though I agree!
Emilia Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Lol... if i don't fight it I feel I will be overcome by emotions, and be at stage one again. With the sadness, and the blah. Day by day I guess day by day. IMO focusing on it is what's keeping it so alive
Author love1336x Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 IMO focusing on it is what's keeping it so alive To fully accept is to let go of hope of us... completely. >.> I have issues....
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 HOPE: I say this a lot: "There's no 'i' in team, and all 'hope' contains, is a big fat 'zero'." Hope is just mis-spelled 'Hype'. Pandora famously and unwittingly released all the furies, ills and evils of the world, when she opened the box consigned to her trust.... she slammed the lid shut to prevent further damage, but only one thing remained in the box: HOPE. However, if you read and mark the story well, it relates how the box contained ALL the furies, evils and ills of the world - not ALL the furies, evils and ills of the world “except one”.... so 'Hope’ is just as much a negative as the rest of them. This is why the word 'Hope' is so often preceded by the word 'false'..... Hope does nothing but leave a Hole in your heart, and make it bleed longer. As you have discovered to your cost. 1
Author love1336x Posted July 30, 2013 Author Posted July 30, 2013 HOPE: I say this a lot: "There's no 'i' in team, and all 'hope' contains, is a big fat 'zero'." Hope is just mis-spelled 'Hype'. Pandora famously and unwittingly released all the furies, ills and evils of the world, when she opened the box consigned to her trust.... she slammed the lid shut to prevent further damage, but only one thing remained in the box: HOPE. However, if you read and mark the story well, it relates how the box contained ALL the furies, evils and ills of the world - not ALL the furies, evils and ills of the world “except one”.... so 'Hope’ is just as much a negative as the rest of them. This is why the word 'Hope' is so often preceded by the word 'false'..... Hope does nothing but leave a Hole in your heart, and make it bleed longer. As you have discovered to your cost. At first I thought you was a mean member who was trying to be cruel and stupid with me... Now i see you aren't. You just give a lot of tough love! <3
TaraMaiden Posted July 30, 2013 Posted July 30, 2013 Many interpret my comments as 'mean'. But I cannot assure you of this strongly enough, and all I have, to convince you, is 'words on a page' but when I speak harshly, I do so with Compassion. I know people experience heartbreak, but sometimes, we perpetuate our own pain in order to continue feeling a connection. But it's like continually putting your hand in a fire to make sure it still burns.... There comes a time when you have to wave the ship goodbye.....
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