Feintingsmile Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 So yeah, its hard to start this out. Yeah I was in a relationship for 4 going on five years and it all came to a sudden stop 3 months ago. To flesh out some back story I think we had a normal relationship. We talked had fun, when there was trouble or a argument we sat down and talked it out. We had our own separate friends shared some hobbies and just overall everything as good as a it could be. So come a few months I randomly go into this file sharing site that we used to send each other big files like a whole set of vacation pictures or what whatever and I see that there is another person linked to the account and a whole lotta garbage files, sceenshots off craigslist, pictures of half naked girls and such. As I start cleaning this stuff up I start seeing pictures of my ex all half naked and stuff in a house I couldn't recognize. So I call her out on it and she instantly breaks down and tells me all that happened and I'm hurt so I just shut down and stopped talking for a week or two i guess. Info about the guy..Some player off the internet that knows how to play the grass is always greener game on people who don't know better..After taking some time to go over my emotions and thought I came back to her and gave her everything on my mind and asked her the obvious question why..The answer " I don't know". That pissed me off on so many levels but I couldn't show it. Since then she started up this self hating attitude about how she wan't good enough and that I deserve better and then finally she just said it's over. All the while I was will to atleast attempt to make it work because lets be honest. Nothing is just ment to be. Everything takes work..But she just ended it and there was nothing I could do. I was still in love with her and now there was nothing to do with all these emotions so I turned to alcohol for a while and while it did ease the pain for a bit it didn't help me with the pain enough so I turned to the internet to read about others at a attempt to figure out what to do. Reading some places that I should stop contact with her and other places that I should keep some contact I knew what I should do but it felt like my heart was always calling out for her.. So maybe a month ago she invites me over her house for a weekend cuz we were still talking at the time and I actually say yeah. And I don't know if it was mixed messages or I was just reaching and clawing but It was like she still has everything. Gifts, pictures, hell she even still wears my shirt to work. It was strange though because alot of the time she would be huddled over with her phone (A new behavior) and not the normal "hey I'm talking to other people way" more like the "Hey I''m writing things I wouldn't want you to see"way but what could I do..Some people don't know how to act in front of company these days. So we had some fun inbetween the long awkward moments and even had sex, while not as amazing as the golden days but not bad, the end of the weekend came and it was time to go and she asked me to stay.. So I stayed and more of the behavior continued and the more distant she got with me but every time I was set to pack up and go she would reach out and convince me to stay till I had enough and just left..A few weeks later I asked what's up with her behavior not wanting to be with me but acting like nothing changed and I got some of the coldest responses ever from her. Starting off with the oh so famous "I love you but I'm not in love with you" But after all her coldness past I asked her what was her problem and she said shes just dealing with alot of stuff in her life and she just want to be free and do w.e..And that I shouldn't care what she do or who with because we not together and I don't know.. It doesn't work like that for me, ofcourse Id care because I love her and want to make something real with her and it'st like I'm always flipping from the idea of just being there for here while she deal with her crisis or just drop her forget her and move on. I know this is paraphrasing months of the situation but this is the best I can do. 1
NiceFails Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Once a grass Is greener girl always a grass is greener girl. 1
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Yup. Complete, total, across-the-board No Contact. For you, not for her, not to get her back, not to make her want you, miss you or get back with you... For you, to heal, move on and get a new life. It's all in my signature (Item #2). Go for it. 1
Legatus Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 If it doesn't work for you then you can't force it. You love her but let's be honest. She used you! The bottom line is you can do much better than that. Cut the contact, it won't hurt you but will most likely help. As you said "Nothing is meant to be. Everything takes work", but of course it's work from both parties. I would use the energy to work on yourself instead of wasting it on weekends and episodes with her... 1
lavenderlove Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 She sounds like a total mess. Don't waste your time on her. Find someone nice who is able to return your love. And go No contact. (I just started, day number 3!) And keep us updated on your progress.
Author Feintingsmile Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Yeah I've come to the conclusion to go no contact many times but I always remember when that used to be me back in high school and back when I had no life experience I would be all over the place and its like I see a lil of me in her and that what keeps me from totally letting go.. I know what it's like in a way to be in her shoes.
TaraMaiden Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Well, you're not in her shoes, you're in yours. And your shoes need to walk you into No Contact. 1
onearthur Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 It's tough, but you can & must do it for yourself. The more days that go by the stronger you will feel and really help your self-control to regain a hold. Avoid seeing her again and def don't have sex. You need time to figure out who you are and what makes you happy. Keep us posted!
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