PlumPrincess Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 2. I think you're missing the big point here: He called us both serial daters, like it was a bad thing, when he's doing the exact same thing. Uhm, you're taking his comment at face value, but I do not believe that him calling you or your girlfriend has anything to do with him wanting to questioning your morals/ethics. It's a scheme (a "neg") to get you interested.
sillyanswer Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 But other than that, I don't think he's a terrible person, and I'm having trouble "dropping" him. Meh. Call him out on his behaviour then go for a drink with him. Where's the harm? (well, unless it upsets your friend, I guess...)
LittleTiger Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 ....I'm having trouble "dropping" him. Meh. So you're looking for a long term relationship, leading to marriage and babies, with a guy who says he'll call and then doesn't? The rest of it is immaterial really - all the serial dater talk etc. Let's imagine for a second that you set up a date with him and he actually turns up. You get along well and he says he'll call you tomorrow to arrange another date. He doesn't call. No surprise there given his behavioural history, but then you'll be back on LS asking 'why hasn't he called?'. I'll give you the answer right now to save you the trouble - because he's already told you he won't call - behaviour speaks louder than words. You're wasting your time SG - even posting about him in this thread. 3
BradJacobs Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Yell at me!!! PLEASE!!! He's a guy playing the numbers. I am a girl doing the same, just with more originality. I...don't know?! (I mean, if you think you need to. Don't just say no to say no. Say no if you think no.) Why? You're clearly wanting to meet this bloke so do it or are you afraid he's going to "manipulate" you into bed on night one?
irc333 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 IMO, the friendship and its health should be prioritized over interactions with an unknown man whom neither friend has met/dated. If that means moving on to the next option, so be it. As far as his actions, to me it sounds like he's maximizing his options; casting a wide net. Lots of fish in the sea. Good luck. Wait a min, this guy MAY loose an opportunity to meet EITHER of these women, JUST because these 2 women want to "save their friendship"? lol....funny. Actually, I really don't think there is a friendship that NEEDS saving though. Anyhow, I don't see what the big deal, just go with the flow, and let the chips fall where they may.
Janesays Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Yell at me!!! PLEASE!!! He's a guy playing the numbers. I am a girl doing the same, just with more originality. I...don't know?! Yeah, except one of these "numbers" is your friend. No loyalty at all towards your friend? Isn't the fact that you're friends relevant to either one of you?
mesmerized Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Here's another weird factoid. He takes classes some nights after work for a masters program. He gets out of those classes at 9. On days he doesn't have class, he gets off work around 6. Although texting all day every day, he basically stops and falls off the radar at either 9 or 6, depending on the above schedule. I actually called him out on this, playfully. He said he just falls asleep quickly. Are you kidding me?? Do you really want a sign more obvious than this? Let your friend be the one who gets humiliated here not you. 3
Ursa Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I'm surprised this is even a question. He's unreliable, he's probably married, he's playing a game. You're a hundred times better than this. Walk it off, Star. 2
snowflakes88 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I think it's really sad that either of you are still even considering this guy. If you're looking for something long-term / to be settled down, this is a complete and utter waste of time. Likely result is that this all ends with him dating NEITHER one of you seriously (the fact that he disappears just when his "free time" begins suggests that he is investing his time in someone else), and your friendship suffers for naught.
LittleTiger Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Here's another weird factoid. He takes classes some nights after work for a masters program. He gets out of those classes at 9. On days he doesn't have class, he gets off work around 6. Although texting all day every day, he basically stops and falls off the radar at either 9 or 6, depending on the above schedule. I actually called him out on this, playfully. He said he just falls asleep quickly. I missed this one! HE IS MARRIED! 1
Imajerk17 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 (edited) I have a few more thoughts on this. As much as Ninjainpajamas wrote on this, I'm actually surprised he didn't write even more. General thought: Anyway, I'm noticing that when women on here complain about "no good men", what they really mean a good percentage of the time is that their picker is off. Sometimes they overlook guys with solid boundaries (who come across as boring, "no chemistry", ect) to go for men whose behavior should set off red flags but instead bonds the women to them (emotional connection--he shared so much!, exciting, challenging). Getting back to SG and your situation: SG you're a smart successful good-hearted physically attractive woman. I am sure you have lots of eligible dudes writing you! Yet you now seem to be thinking of this dude.... (1) I'm wondering how the talk of marriage came up so soon in your conversations. When this guy brought it up before your first date and said he wanted to get married yesterday, that should have been red flag #1. Either the fella is a Stage-2 Clinger or he is trying to lure you in fast and then pull back (or both). Instead though, many women feel "bonded" to the dude. Such a refreshing change from the small talk they endure with their other dates! It usually doesn't end well for them though... (2) The second red flag was the hypocrisy of accusing you and your friend of doing what he himself is doing. (Or at least I *THINK* he is accusing you of doing what he himself is doing. I'm still not really sure what he means by "serial dater". A "serial dater" is someone who dates one person right after the other, look up the word "serial". Technically he isn't doing that dating you and your friend at the same time. I think he doesn't know that though so maybe that thought is neither here nor there.) At any rate he sounds a little bitter but instead of asking him about HIS dating style, you and your friend seem to be trying to prove to him that you aren't "like that". Hmmm. Notice I did NOT mention talking to both you and your friend at the same time (how was he supposed to know) or even saying the same things (we all do that to some extent really, and in his case his "game" clearly works so why not stick with it). I'm hoping that you have a clearer mind about this SG now after a good night's sleep, and that you don't feel "bonded" towards him by his talking to you about marriage so soon, and that you aren't feeling the need to win the "challenge" of getting him over your friend. Meanwhile if you get burned by this dude it's your own fault. Edited July 27, 2013 by Imajerk17
pcplod Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I can't blame him for playing the numbers, but... Really? Ha! I hope you will forgive me a rueful smile at that. It sort of suggests that given a particular set of circumstances you could find yourself doing the very same thing. Or maybe it doesn't? I may be wrong, but I get the impression that this is one of those phenomenons that is particular to the world of OLD. It is hard to imagine it happening in real life because logistically the opportunity for it to happen probably just wouldn't happen. It is just one of those 'small world' events that it happens that two women he is interested in at the same time happen to know one another. On the basis of statistical norms you wouldn't know of one another and you would be blissfully ignorant about what is happening. It simply is what it is, nothing more. If someone was to suggest to you that you should stop messaging two guys at the same time even though there is no certainty that there is ever going to be anything substantial between you and either of them, what would you say to that person? I think that your judgement of him is substantially irrational and not altogether fair. Life is what you see, not what you would prefer, especially at any given moment or under unusual circumstances. I think you might want to question whether you are being entirely consistent in your thinking.
gaius Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 If I were you I would send him naked pictures. That might be the last little push that will get the ball rolling on his end. Your friend is probably deciding on the one she's gonna send already.
dasein Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 (the fact that he disappears just when his "free time" begins suggests that he is investing his time in someone else), and your friendship suffers for naught. What it suggests to me is that he is stacked up with the last 5 women he ran game on, called "serial daters," and is building up a backlog to keep in the loop until he gets around to them.
fortyninethousand322 Posted July 28, 2013 Posted July 28, 2013 Re: the "form email". They work. That's why guys use them. A few weeks ago my brother decided to stop writing genuine thought out messages to women on dating sites. His reply rate went up greatly. I have continued to write out those genuine emails, but they get immediately tossed into the trash can. That gets tiring after a while. It's no wonder guys stop doing that. You can call that "cold" and that it makes a guy incapable of a deep connection, but the reality is a lot of women like that. Fact. I think you should let him go OP because he just doesn't sound interested. His priorities are clearly elsewhere. 1
Lishy Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Star, I am really shocked that after 8 years on here and 20+ boyfriends/dates you are still rinsing and repeating! Is it not obvious to you that this fool is married? That he is unreliable, untruthful, he is already putting you and your friend down and you still like him? You must realise you are worth more than this worm? I guess not all lawyers are actually smart! he is a lawyer isn't he? The thing with serial dating like you have for years is that you get used to shady behaviour and I think it would be best for you if you stopped being so obsessed with getting a boyfriend and just enjoy loving yourself ... I truly think the only way you will be happy is to be happy being alone and comfortable in your own skin
RedRobin Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Yell at me!!! PLEASE!!! He's a guy playing the numbers. I am a girl doing the same, just with more originality. I...don't know?! (I mean, if you think you need to. Don't just say no to say no. Say no if you think no.) Ok. I'll yell at you Wasn't it you who made the thread about chasing unavailable men? Shoot...this one is not only unavailable... he doesnt sound nice or even all that interesting... I'm with Emilia...i would have been outta there with the serial dater comment. I thought he was toast then...not sure wh you are still talking to him. 1
Drseussgrrl Posted July 31, 2013 Posted July 31, 2013 Ugh come on now SG, are you even trying anymore?
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