TouchedByViolet Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 What is interesting about this guy that makes you and your friend want to date him? I'm surprised his overall behavior and communication isn't more of a turnoff. 1
Author Star Gazer Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 What is interesting about this guy that makes you and your friend want to date him? I'm surprised his overall behavior and communication isn't more of a turnoff. I posted here literally as soon as it happened. A good night's sleep changes one's perspective...
BradJacobs Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Lacking comparable options? Surely if someone were as handsome and well versed as he were in your pipeline then you'd drop him without thinking twice. Is your friendship strong enough to survive competing for the same man?
serial muse Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Lacking comparable options? Surely if someone were as handsome and well versed as he were in your pipeline then you'd drop him without thinking twice. Is your friendship strong enough to survive competing for the same man? This doesn't seem to be about them being interested in the same guy. It's about discovering that he's using the same negging line on both of them. Turns the whole "serial dater" line into a funhouse mirror.
BradJacobs Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 This doesn't seem to be about them being interested in the same guy. It's about discovering that he's using the same negging line on both of them. Turns the whole "serial dater" line into a funhouse mirror. I think that was tangental to the title of the thread: "Not sure how to handle this." But seems the OP has made up her mind. Interested to know which direction she's going to take it.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Here's another weird factoid. He takes classes some nights after work for a masters program. He gets out of those classes at 9. On days he doesn't have class, he gets off work around 6. Although texting all day every day, he basically stops and falls off the radar at either 9 or 6, depending on the above schedule. I actually called him out on this, playfully. He said he just falls asleep quickly.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Or, maybe the two of you should get together and start responding to him with the EXACT same responses! I agree you should have some fun with this guy. He deserves it
BradJacobs Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I agree you should have some fun with this guy. He deserves it So play this scenario out ... She decides to play with him for the fun of it. Her friend decides to pursue the possibilities with this guy. This guy chooses her friend. The friend and this guy hit it off because he's a nice bloke when not doing pattern interrupts with online dating to get his foot in the door. Her friend and the surprisingly good chap start dating. OP feels ___(fill in the blank)__________ . Her friend feels _________ (fill in the blank)_______ knowing that the OP was just playing with him and was never serious.
Ruby Slippers Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Oh, I just meant virtual fun via e-mail, etc. - no dates. He definitely doesn't deserve any significant amount of their time. But actually, it would be a waste of time to bother with him period.
tbf Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 And yet he got two attractive and successful women to be 'both very interested in him'. Had they not been personal friends and compared notes, they never would have known about his sales technique, which evidently has met with success, as evidenced by their mutual interest in him. Hard to argue with success, which in OLD for a man is getting a real life 'date' with a woman. OP, if not for your friend and this revelation, do you feel you would have met him for a first date? Why or why not?I don't believe in the cliche "all's fair in love and war". This guy uses a sales pitch, accusing women of being serial daters but claims he doesn't do the same (outright lying). He's gaming both women in exactly the same way and projects like a mofo. Add it all up and this dude's a dud, incapable of deeper connections and honesty. Either that or it's not dishonesty and strictly a complete lack of self-awareness combined with stupidity. I'm not perceiving anything positive in this guy, as it relates to an emotionally whole and mature man. There is such as thing as ethical multidating. If I feel a guy is gaming, then I will exit or beat him at his game if I'm bored. The intent is not to connect but to jack with his brain so he learns a lesson. If I feel a guy is ethically multidating, I have no problems with that. 1
PlumPrincess Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 You'd think... but, he's not making it happen. He suggested a date with both of us, by vaguely and lamely saying, "So, when's our date?" We both responded with days we're available. His response to both of us was, "I don't know, I have [insert legitimate sounding things he has to do that day]." Then he continues on with other chit-chat. I had offered him an alternative day, and he responded with, "Where?" He also says, "I'll call you tonight," and then doesn't - either of us - but is "Online now!" So weird. Like I said, TOTALLY don't blame him for casting a wide net - although he said that's EXACTLY what he DOESN'T do - to see who bites. But it seems like he doesn't really have any interest in actually meeting. He's not actually making a plan. I bet he's a pickup artist and that's his script to get women. I guess, he's an attractive guy, that's why you're both interested in him, but piqued both of your interests even more by doing weird stuff that you don't understand, so now you're spending time on the internet wondering about the reasons for his behavior. People like challenges. 1
Divasu Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 So he labeled you and your girlfriend 'serial daters', while pursuing two women at the same time. lol, good one.
Phantom888 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Are you sure he is not a robot developed by MIT? I mean, artificial intelligence is very advanced now. Or is it possible he's an 8-year-old boy trying to get a mom for his widower dad? Kids totally play numbers when they want something!
FitChick Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 He is obviously going home to someone since he is only available during the day to contact you. 3
Imajerk17 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 (edited) Aww man I don't even know where to start here... I'm going to play Devil's advocate here. You women are calling this guy scum but he is only doing what works, from the form emails up to the conversation the two of you each had. And from this thread it's clear that it did work. My question is: How come you both fell for it? One specific thing from now on is that a guy who insists that he is ready for marriage before you even meet, is probably a liar. I get that this guy was talking about the concept of marriage but still. Why were any of you bringing it up so soon? Edited July 27, 2013 by Imajerk17
dasein Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 (edited) I don't know why I'm even still interested, knowing that he was saying a lot of the same things to both of us. Same way he initiates communication, same questions, same things he's shared. I don't know why you are either, or your GF. It's one thing to "talk to" two people at once OLD, another to be texting all day with two people at once, another to be saying identical things to both of them. Just to get some sitcom flava in here, let me ask you this, would you continue with a man who asked you out to a drink, and every time he had to go to the bathroom, he ran to the bar next door where his other date was waiting, and he was saying the same things to both of you? Would you date George Costanza (in cheezy factor anyway)? because that's who you are talking to. BTW, to the serial dater topic, I'm pretty sure now that this is a "neg" that works well for him. It is deviously clever, and I suspect you are both talking to someone who fancies himself a PUA, which is probably why either of you are still talking to him at all. Wake up. EDIT: didn't read whole thread first, agree with others on the "neg" aspect Edited July 27, 2013 by dasein 2
Author Star Gazer Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 Aww man I don't even know where to start here... I'm going to play Devil's advocate here. You women are calling this guy scum but he is only doing what works, from the form emails up to the conversation the two of you each had. And from this thread it's clear that it did work. My question is: How come you both fell for it? One specific thing from now on is that a guy who insists that he is ready for marriage before you even meet, is probably a liar. I get that this guy was talking about the concept of marriage but still. Why were any of you bringing it up so soon? 1. I don't know why you liked daesin's post when it contradicts yours? 2. I think you're missing the big point here: He called us both serial daters, like it was a bad thing, when he's doing the exact same thing. It's not that he's talking to two people at the same time that's the problem. It's that he acted like if we did it, it would be...wrong. He's a hypocrite. And unoriginal. But other than that, I don't think he's a terrible person, and I'm having trouble "dropping" him. Meh. 1
tbf Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 and I'm having trouble "dropping" him. Meh.Noooo...Star. Why, oh why? 1
Author Star Gazer Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 Noooo...Star. Why, oh why? Yell at me!!! PLEASE!!! He's a guy playing the numbers. I am a girl doing the same, just with more originality. I...don't know?! (I mean, if you think you need to. Don't just say no to say no. Say no if you think no.)
Imajerk17 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 I agree w dasein in that the guy's game has to be good. PUA perhaps? If you want to.lose attraction for him or at.least find out his real deal just tell him that you know he is talking to your friend. Few things are more unattractive than a flustered man trying to explain himself
tbf Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Yell at me!!! PLEASE!!! He's a guy playing the numbers. I am a girl doing the same, just with more originality. I...don't know?! (I mean, if you think you need to. Don't just say no to say no. Say no if you think no.)NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!! 1
Weezy1973 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 The OP has conceded that she may have abandonment issues and one of the main symptoms of having abandonment issues is being attracted to emotionally unavailable men. This man shows a lot of signs that he is emotionally unavailable (probably married, multi-dater, negging, probably a 'player' etc.). Therefore, the OP is attracted to him. Not too difficult to figure out really. 2
Author Star Gazer Posted July 27, 2013 Author Posted July 27, 2013 The OP has conceded that she may have abandonment issues and one of the main symptoms of having abandonment issues is being attracted to emotionally unavailable men. This man shows a lot of signs that he is emotionally unavailable (probably married, multi-dater, negging, probably a 'player' etc.). Therefore, the OP is attracted to him. Not too difficult to figure out really. Oh, stop being smart.
Weezy1973 Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Oh, stop being smart. Ha - ya - not really trying to be smart. I genuinely feel for you. It must be incredibly difficult to know that you're naturally attracted to men that might not be the best for you in terms of a meaningful relationship. And I have no idea how to solve that dilemma for you (except gobs of therapy). I wish I did. I'll rack my brain and get back to you if I come up with something.
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