Star Gazer Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Of course, it finally happened. I posted about a guy who called my friend a serial dater. Well, I was just accused of the same thing tonight. By the very same guy. Yup. Turns out we've been talking to the same guy. Me via Match, her via OKCupid. He even sent us the same intro email... it slipped past me as a form email. He claims he's ready for marriage and children, "like yesterday." Says he's not into trolling the bars, or serial dating. He's been texting both of us all day for the past 5 days. He called us both in the middle of the workday when he knew we couldn't answer and left a voicemail. We each called him back. He hasn't called either of us back yet, claiming he's so busy. He's logged in to both Match and OKC right now. She and I were (are?) both very interested in him. I can't blame him for playing the numbers, but... Really?
tbf Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 This could get very, very ugly between friends. Maybe the two of you should concurrently fade. 8
CarrieT Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 This could get very, very ugly between friends. Maybe the two of you should concurrently fade. Or, maybe the two of you should get together and start responding to him with the EXACT same responses! 27
MrCastle Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Or, maybe the two of you should get together and start responding to him with the EXACT same responses! Or maybe the two should not respond at all. 2
tbf Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Or, maybe the two of you should get together and start responding to him with the EXACT same responses! This is perfect!
New User Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Send him a link to this thread and demand that he come on here and face the judgement of a bunch of anonymous strangers that will never have any idea of the particulars of the interactions or what he really wants. Or, alternatively, you could handle it like an adult and just tell him that he's corresponding with you and a friend and the two of you have no desire to compete over him. Or, you could schedule some kind of mortal combat competition between you and your friend between you and your friend with winner taking all- I hear jello wrestling is the way to go for this kind of thing. It happens. Not really a big deal but I'd just be straight with him and tell him happy hunting with the rest of the girls. 2
carhill Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 IMO, the friendship and its health should be prioritized over interactions with an unknown man whom neither friend has met/dated. If that means moving on to the next option, so be it. As far as his actions, to me it sounds like he's maximizing his options; casting a wide net. Lots of fish in the sea. Good luck. 2
Pyro Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Or, maybe the two of you should get together and start responding to him with the EXACT same responses! This would be comical and legendary to say the least but definitely take the high road on this one and both of you should stop communicating with him cold turkey. 1
tbf Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 It's one thing to multidate and another to script responses. A generic sales technique is so cold. Not someone capable of deep connections. 8
SJC2008 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 So he's a serial dater and is accusing you and your friend of serial dating? Does he know yall know eachother yet? 1
tbf Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 So he's a serial dater and is accusing you and your friend of serial dating?This is called projection. 5
LaFemmeBrille Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 This situation sounds like reality TV Gold, lol! You both could really have fun with this one!
carhill Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 It's one thing to multidate and another to script responses. A generic sales technique is so cold. Not someone capable of deep connections. And yet he got two attractive and successful women to be 'both very interested in him'. Had they not been personal friends and compared notes, they never would have known about his sales technique, which evidently has met with success, as evidenced by their mutual interest in him. Hard to argue with success, which in OLD for a man is getting a real life 'date' with a woman. OP, if not for your friend and this revelation, do you feel you would have met him for a first date? Why or why not? 4
Author Star Gazer Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 I don't think anythings wrong with the guy talking to two girls at once I mean he hasn't kissed either of you or lied. The whole you are a serial dater accusation is pointless though. I don't think there's anything wrong with that either. I have many of my girlfriends in my pictures for this very reason, to show "Hey, these are my friends!" so that he knows, but she's actually not in any of them. But the serial dating accusation has now pissed me off, as it seems like he's been pretty boilerplate in his interactions with both of us. I don't know why I'm even still interested, knowing that he was saying a lot of the same things to both of us. Same way he initiates communication, same questions, same things he's shared. Not that I should feel "special," but there's something about it that feels... taken away, now.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 And yet he got two attractive and successful women to be 'both very interested in him'. Had they not been personal friends and compared notes, they never would have known about his sales technique, which evidently has met with success, as evidenced by their mutual interest in him. Hard to argue with success, which in OLD for a man is getting a real life 'date' with a woman. OP, if not for your friend and this revelation, do you feel you would have met him for a first date? Why or why not? You'd think... but, he's not making it happen. He suggested a date with both of us, by vaguely and lamely saying, "So, when's our date?" We both responded with days we're available. His response to both of us was, "I don't know, I have [insert legitimate sounding things he has to do that day]." Then he continues on with other chit-chat. I had offered him an alternative day, and he responded with, "Where?" He also says, "I'll call you tonight," and then doesn't - either of us - but is "Online now!" So weird. Like I said, TOTALLY don't blame him for casting a wide net - although he said that's EXACTLY what he DOESN'T do - to see who bites. But it seems like he doesn't really have any interest in actually meeting. He's not actually making a plan. 1
LaFemmeBrille Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Originality isn't his strong suit. I like how you described it as boilerplate. When I did online dating, I didn't respond exactly the same to anyone, because each individual's uniqueness needed to be acknowledged some. As a woman, I'd be unimpressed and it would cause me to toss him out as a candidate. Verbatim? Blech!!!
Author Star Gazer Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 So he's a serial dater and is accusing you and your friend of serial dating? Does he know yall know eachother yet? I haven't told him. She was going to sit on it.
Author Star Gazer Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Originality isn't his strong suit. I like how you described it as boilerplate. When I did online dating, I didn't respond exactly the same to anyone, because each individual's uniqueness needed to be acknowledged some. As a woman, I'd be unimpressed and it would cause me to toss him out as a candidate. Verbatim? Blech!!! Not quite verbatim, but close. But I didn't even recognize it as boilerplate. That's what sucks!
LittleTiger Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 He also says, "I'll call you tonight," and then doesn't - either of us - but is "Online now!" So weird. I don't call that weird, I call it unreliable! If he was genuinely interested, he would call. He's probably too busy juggling all the other women (besides you and your friend) that he's been chatting to online. My guess is he's married, or attached, and just 'dating' for sport. Don't waste your time SG, you can do better - much better! 4
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Is either of you interested in meeting him after this? I would just never talk to him again. Any revenge you plan may feel exciting but is really a waste of your time and energy. 6
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Yeah I think this guy is being quite contradictory to what he says he wants and what he is doing, he seems to be playing the field/dating game rather than truly being interested in you or your friend which begs the question how many women is he talking to and has already in his life. I think he's trying to develop these dating "relationships" before hand to see what each women has to offer, it's to gauge what is what before investing his energy into any one thing...so he probably doesn't have that much respect either for any one individual woman as he's herding you guys like cattle with the same format of conversation. I'm more a bit dumbfounded how you and your friend could still actually be interested in this guy...If I were in your shoes it would be a complete and utter turn-off to know that a girl is running the same game with my friend (not that I could imagine that ever happening). Now there's this like sibling type rivalry going on to see and compare which one of you he makes the effort for and both of you want to hang on and see if you are the "choice" of his ultimate affection? That's the kind of behavior and especially the mentality that gets women in trouble with men, this subtle unspoken competition mode that occurs between women to see who "wins". I honestly don't know how you maintain interest, it's one thing for a guy to "cast his net wide" but you're already both fish in the net from the sound of it, all he has to do is pick one and start dating her...there's no reason to leave the net in the water unless you're still collecting or looking for as many options as he can attain...which means the fish already in the net aren't up to his expectations or he may feel he can catch something better or might...I mean if this guy is so serious then why doesn't he act like it? what's he investing in and learning if he's not taking the initiative past texts and calling you when you don't answer and not answering you when he calls you back? how is that weird? that's not weird that's premeditated...this guy can't be trusted, his actions are suspicious at the least...you have no idea what his motive or current situation is but it's definitely not transparent just a bunch of lip/text service. I think both of you should collectively dump him off, but It seems curiosity is going to kill the cat with one of you among other things. 4
Emilia Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 ...so he probably doesn't have that much respect either for any one individual woman as he's herding you guys like cattle with the same format of conversation. and using 'negging' ie the serial dater comment. I would have lost interest exactly at that point. 5
Ninjainpajamas Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 and using 'negging' ie the serial dater comment. I would have lost interest exactly at that point. Yep, a clearly manipulative tactic to put the woman on her back foot...clearly calling the pot calling the kettle black here, gaining leverage and interest while stoking the fire. He's obviously rinsing and repeating a tactic here that works for him and helps him gain interest, another reason he isn't calling back. 2
sillyanswer Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I think you and your friend should have some sort of contest to see who gets to date him first. Maybe jello wrestling? I'll be happy to adjudicate. I wonder how many times I've (unknowingly) sent similar messages to and had similar conversations with women who knew each other and knew I was talking to them both. I suspect it happens more often than I realise. If you're still talking with him, ask him to expand on the "serial dater" thing. Dating one one person at a time doesn't seem too bad! Or does he mean someone who goes on lots of first/early dates hoping to get the benefits of free hospitality? Ask him what he's afraid of! 1
Treasa Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I like CarrieT's idea. However, I wouldn't even bother at this point. Talk about turn-off behavior. I hope you mean you WERE interested in him and aren't anymore, right?? Ugh. I know I only woke up about 20 minutes ago, but God, I wouldn't give this idiot another second of my time, either in thoughts or in actions. 2
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