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Do you think it's rude if you're not invited to in-law family event sometimes?

chelle21689

By chelle21689
in Marriage and Life Partnerships

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chelle21689 Established Member

chelle21689

Posted
Posted

I'd like to hear opinions because I know many people who feel it is rude andante who don't.

 

Let me clarify, say you are in a serious relationship, engaged, married or whatever and your partner has family dinners that only "blood" relatives can go to. Only his siblings and mom...no one else.

 

I feel like it is hurtful because you're part of the family but then you realize they don't see you as family if they have dinners once a month of their little family circle and you can't really come. It would hurt worse if your child could go but you can't. Feeling excluded hurts.

 

In my family if we have dinners spouses and bf/gf can go because we want them to feel like family.

Silly_Girl Established Member

Silly_Girl

Posted
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I've never heard of 'blood-only' get-togethers. Very odd.

 

If everyone (not in the family) is excluded then is it really so hurtful? It would be different if they included others, bar one, for example.

 

I think it's weird.

 

Have you told them how you feel?

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Els Established Member

Els

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Never heard of such a thing. Are you sure it's dinner they're having, not some secret mafia meeting? :laugh:

 

In all seriousness, it wouldn't bother me too much if it was only on occasion, but yes, I'd find it strange.

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MsShelleH Member

MsShelleH

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i do think there are certainly times when an ocassional "blood family" get together is acceptable...and healthy...

 

yes, a mom having dinner with HER children only..is a nice occasion. or siblings, without their significant others, etc. (hey no different than say a husband and wife having an occasional date/dinner time without their children...but having time together as a whole family...thats important too)

 

i think special occasions, holidays, and regular scheduled dinners, or parties...should be for all family, in laws included...

 

anything else is mean and excluding...and will cause bad feelings between the people--and not loving bonds.

 

i say as long as its the exception more than the general rule...its ok.

Keenly Established Member

Keenly

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I'm seeing a "well my family does this, therefore their family should too" kind of outlook in this thread.

 

 

 

Look, its their family, if they want to get together with just them, let them. Do not go down this road of trying to wedge your way into a situation like this, its just going to end up bad. You may not be trying to do that right now, but its where this is leading. Just let it go, its not really that big of a deal if they have a few events a year for just them.

  • Like 2
DawnR Member

DawnR

Posted
Posted

How often does this happen? I would be very annoyed. I mean once you make that commitment whether it is marriage, or a serious relationship... it is a sign of SUPPORT for the new relationship to be invited to these sorts of events. Of course not all families are the same.

 

It would bother me.

 

If you want to marry me, date me, be engaged to me.... etc.... then I am a part of this family. That is just how I feel.:confused:

GorillaTheater Established Member

GorillaTheater

Posted
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Any day I'm not invited to an inlaw family event is a good day.

  • Like 8
DawnR Member

DawnR

Posted
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Any day I'm not invited to an inlaw family event is a good day.

 

haha... this too. But, its just the act of having NOT been invited in the first place. Whether you wanted to be there or not... not being invited is the same as not being accepted. I am good enough for your son, but not for you. Why not?

 

:p

T3h L337 d00d Established Member

T3h L337 d00d

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I think there's a big difference between being in a serious relationship and married.

  • Like 1
SoleMate Established Member

SoleMate

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It's quite unusual IME, but not necessarily rude. Also, if you'd rather not go anyway, regardless of whether this is objectively rude, it still meets your need.

Turtles Established Member

Turtles

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Are you invited to other family events? Also are you married, engaged, in a serious relationship, or "whatever" - because that can make a big difference depending on the family.

  • Like 1
ForeverHopeful1 Established Member

ForeverHopeful1

Posted
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I find it odd and I would be a little hurt. It does help that all significant others are excluded but it is still odd.

 

My H and I have been together for almost 10 years and I can't think of one thing I wasn't included in during the time we have been together. He has a small family so Im the only "new family member" attending dinners, parties and events. I would be upset if I were not invited but at the same time, if they did this once a month, and no one (of my status) was invited either, I wouldn't feel so left out. It would obviously be more offensive if I was literally the only one not invited.

 

I think my child would be staying home with me on these nights though. If my child is good enough for these get togethers, so am I. End of story.

ForeverHopeful1 Established Member

ForeverHopeful1

Posted
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Why are you making this all about you?

 

It's one lousy dinner per month for the immediate family to re-connect without it becoming the social hour with spouses all there and the 800 screaming grandchildren they'd all be dragging along to dinner with them.

 

The screaming grandchildren ARE welcome though.

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chelle21689 Established Member

chelle21689

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)
How often does this happen? I would be very annoyed. I mean once you make that commitment whether it is marriage, or a serious relationship... it is a sign of SUPPORT for the new relationship to be invited to these sorts of events. Of course not all families are the same.

 

It would bother me.

 

If you want to marry me, date me, be engaged to me.... etc.... then I am a part of this family. That is just how I feel.:confused:

 

That's how I feel. I mean if you've been together a few years, live together, or go through family crisis and help them out then I don't see how marriage automatically makes you better. Example that vs. meeting someone for 3 months and getting married lol they automatically deserve all that?

 

But anyways, they do this 1-2x a month or 1x every 2 months.

 

 

What about family vacations of just the mom and kids and no spouses/partners? Just their nuclear family?

Edited by chelle21689
grassisorisntgreener Established Member

grassisorisntgreener

Posted
Posted

For me it would depend on the exact situation.

 

If this is something they did long before me, and is common, that would be one thing.

 

If they started these "blood only" dinners after I came around, I'd feel excluded.

pink_sugar Established Member

pink_sugar

Posted
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It depends. I took a few hours off of work to attend my husband, then boyfriend's parents vow renewal...but I wasn't included in ANY photos. Now that I thought, was pretty rude.

DawnR Member

DawnR

Posted
Posted
It depends. I took a few hours off of work to attend my husband, then boyfriend's parents vow renewal...but I wasn't included in ANY photos. Now that I thought, was pretty rude.

 

yes I think it sounds rude too.

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