amkxoxo Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 (edited) So I am a 21 year old college student. I have dated in the past but it has never gotten serious. I get afraid to open up a bit and get attached to people. I am a virgin and find nothing wrong with it. I am not a prude by any means, and their are no religious barriers, I just haven't met anyone yet I feel that is worth sharing that with. I am very inexperienced and haven't even got that far with any guy. I have kissed, that's it. I am shy and don't know how to initiate any of that stuff. I did have a bad experience in high school with a guy throwing himself on me for no reason and it made me slightly afraid of men. Well this past spring I met a guy and we started going steady. He is very experienced and has had many serious girlfriends. I opened up a lot to this man and got very attached emotionally and physically. He knew about my past and was so good to me. I went further with him than anyone else. He didn't push me at all at any time, but more opened my eyes to physicalness involved in being with someone. I learned to love it. I craved it. We would kiss of course, and heavily make out. It was hot with him, hot and heavy. We would sneak kisses at parties, or in my kitchen when his roommates were in the other room. I loved just being close to him and touching him (not in a dirty way). We never had sex but would sleep in the same bed. I loved it. We have since called it quits for now, to hopefully reunite in the future. I am glad at this point that I didn't sleep with him. He used to say that I was perfect and he liked that I was open to more sexual things and liked me beliefs in being intimate with someone. He did me "favors" in the bedroom, but I was too shy and bad at initiating to give him anything back. He never said anything and I think he was fine with it. He told me he was glad we had such an emotional connection and he didn't need sex like other guys would have. He used to get afraid sometimes with my inexperience and say "I don't want to freak you out," or "there's so many things I would like to try with you that I know you would love." I opened up so much, but alas still a virgin. I feel like there is something wrong with me and as I breach closer to 22 I feel stupid. Like he would initiate a lot of our physical encounters. I would always think of things I wanted to do with him, sometimes I legit would want to jump on him lol. But I didn't know how to go about it so I wouldn't. I would be flirty and sometimes hint to us getting intimate, and he would like it. I feel like no guy is going to want me or think it weird. I feel so old. I am so ready to lose it. If that guy and myself progressed into a serious relationship I definitely would have. I feel so left out. He used to say how he was a sexual person but he was fine with us going slow because he was very respectful of the fact that I hadn't been around the block. I miss all of it. sleeping next to someone, kissing someone, all of it. I feel like it will never happen for me. Edited July 26, 2013 by amkxoxo
kariina Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I have a lot in common with you, I'm 20 and virgin still. I just got into dating for about a year now and like it mainly because of the physical stuff. You should just wait until you feel completely ready & there is nothing wrong with ya 1
Author amkxoxo Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Good to know I'm not alone:) I just feel like after this recent breakup (which if you read my threads is quite complicated) I will not be able to open up or trust someone for a long time let alone get near them physically. The thought of touching someone else...kissing them makes me sick because i only want my guy and we cant be together right now because he isnt in a good place for a relationship (for further details read my other threads) . Im not any closer to meeting someone. I don't go out and date a lot because it isn't who I am. I just tend to meet people once and a while and sometimes we date.
Carenth Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Still amkxoxo, really? It's sad to see you are still hung up on this guy. You really need to stop living in this fantasy of you guys being together in the future. The reality is he is not your guy. You guys broke up when you went long distance. It isn't because he is in a bad place that you are not together. It is because he does not want a relationship. He explicitly stated this, however you tried to twist in every direction to not accept this. You are still doing it. The sooner you realise this and accept it rather than these imaginary scenarios in your head the sooner you will be content and able to move on with your life. I know heart break is hard especially your first serious heart break (which this seems to be it). Living in a future fantasy won't make things better or easier.
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