cpb3 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I met this guy about three months ago. We hit it off and started spending a lot of time together. He planned fun dates, texted me every day, introduced me to his friends, invited me to family events, was super affectionate, and always told me how much he liked me. He never had an issue making time for me. Until a few weeks ago, he started canceling some plans - for legitimate reasons like having to work or help family with something - but it was still disappointing. He would apologize, make up for it with new plans, and express how much he missed me. I tried to be understanding and let it go. However, the canceling/rescheduling of plans started becoming more frequent, so I expressed my disappointment. He responded slightly defensively, yet still apologetic. I clarified I wasn't upset that he was busy, but that he repeatedly made plans with me and then changed them. He told me he missed me and we would see each other soon. ... Then I didn't hear from him all weekend. Not normal; so I checked his online dating profile, which he stopped using when we met, and noticed he updated it with recent photos. He also hid a recent photo of the two of us from his Facebook timeline (???). After two days of no communication, he texted me saying he hoped I had a good weekend, that he missed me, and would like to see me. I saw him a few days later - again with minimal communication inbetween - and he acted completely normal. I was very confused, so before I left I asked him about the lack of communication and new photos on his profile. He claimed we were fine and he uploaded those photos "just to keep his profile updated in case we don't work out" ... UMM? Why wouldn't we work out when (as far as I knew) things were going great? Anyway, I let him continue talking... he shared info about his ex for the first time, saying she broke his heart, and as a result, he was reluctant to jump into long-term commitment. I said this was fine, I was OK with just dating, but wanted to make sure we were exclusive about it to avoid getting my feelings hurt. He promised he was not talking to anyone, had no intentions of using the dating site, and would never cheat on me. I left there feeling better. Until I didn't hear from him for another two days. And then he canceled a weekend trip we had planned a month prior, I took off work for, and we were both really excited about. I called him that night after a day of emotional turmoil, and asked him honestly what was going on. He claimed he "thought he was ready to date, but realized he needs some time to be single and figure out what he wants". I asked how he could feel this way when things had been so great between us, and seemed to just suddenly fall off out of nowhere. He didn't give me a clear response other than telling me how wonderful/beautiful I am, that he's sure I'd never hurt him, but just can't commit to a relationship right now due to how hurt he got in his last one. I had nothing else to say, so we hung up. I honestly never expected to hear from him again, until he texted me 3 days after our phone conversation saying he was sorry and never meant to hurt me. I replied telling him I didn't know what to say, he did hurt me, and I don't understand any of it. He never replied. I don't understand why he even texted me if he didn't want to talk??? The whole situation confuses me. We never fought. All I can think is that his ex popped back into the picture - explaining all the canceling and lack of communication - and he didn't have the heart to tell me. I don't know, I will probably never know... which makes getting over this really difficult. Has this ever happened to anyone else? How did you cope?
Delilah1623 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Google emotionally unavailable. His actions are similar to that of my recent ex. 1
Delilah1623 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 And you're right. You will never know or understand. He doesn't understand. I think that's why a relationship with an emotionally unavailable can be so devestating. Leaves you questioning if they ever cared. But the bottom like is they didn't care enough to stay. He won't change. In a situation like this him breaking your heart now will be the best thing he eer did for you long term.
thompkevin Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 There is no point trying to find out what happened with him. Maybe his ex popped in, maybe not. Maybe he is an emotional wreck himself and doesn't want to involve you. It doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that chapter is over in your life and you should move on to the next one.
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