Pod81 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 So I have a friend who's in an interesting situation that I think is doomed to failure. He's been dating this girl for 4 months or so unofficially, although they've established exclusivity. He's hasn't done anything physical with her at all yet (no sex, no kissing, not even holding hands) because he claims that he's afraid of her possibly being on the rebound. She apparently got out of a long-term relationship back in December, about 7 months ago. They have met each other's parents, so at least that's a good thing for him. When our mutual friend and I brought up the fact that he needs to establish some sort of physical connection (at least through kissing, holding hands, SOMETHING), he got all defensive and asked why everything has to be about being physical. Well, first of all - because of it's a great way of showing affection, secondly - it lets her know that you're still physically attracted to her, and thirdly - girls have needs too. I believe he is shooting himself in the foot and she has likely friend-zoned him a LONG TIME ago. Not to mention also that he has a history of being friend-zoned multiple times in the past. He does plan on asking her to be his girlfriend officially once he finds a job. The other knock against this girl is that she has backed out of meeting his friends (myself included) on a few occasions. She's a nurse, so maybe she has a legit excuse of being busy at work - but the fact that this has happened at least 3 times has us raising our eyebrow in suspicion. Personally, I think she's using him as a placeholder/rebound and for some companionship until the next guy comes along because he's playing the wussy card. Despite our attempts to warn him, he's adamant about doing things his way and is convinced that it is the right way. So my question to you is - does this guy actually have a shot with this girl? Or is my bleak outlook for him very reasonable?
lesbihonest Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Maybe if he took her to City Wok she would've ate his eggrolls. 1
SmileFace Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 You have a better chance of banging this girl before he does. He will learn -- leave it alone. He doesn't want to hear logic. He is deep in the friend zone.
New User Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 How does one establish exclusivity without making things "official?" You mention that you haven't met her yet- you sure she even exists? On the off chance that this is an accurate recounting (I have some serious doubts- this whole story is odd) it can work, but odds are probably against it. I have a friend who didn't kiss his wife until they were married. In his case religion had a strong influence on that- but I know of at least one case where that has happened. I can't help but repeat my original question; how in the world does one go about establishing exclusivity without making things official?
Author Pod81 Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 (edited) Apparently, they agreed to not date anyone else and not have the actual title of boyfriend and girlfriend. This whole situation seems fishy to me too. I know my friend doesn't believe in multi-dating. Either she's in the same boat as him or she hasn't found another option yet and is using that as a convenient excuse to solidify him as a backup. Any other ideas? Edited July 26, 2013 by Pod81
New User Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Apparently, they agreed to not date anyone else and not have the actual title of boyfriend and girlfriend. This whole situation seems fishy to me too. I know my friend doesn't believe in multi-dating. Either she's in the same boat as him or she hasn't found another option yet and is using that as a convenient excuse to solidify him as a backup. Any other ideas? It isn't the way that I handle prospective relationships and seems weird to me, but like I said earlier I do know a guy that didn't kiss his wife for the first time until he said "I do." I would need more before I agreed not to see anyone else but dating approaches aren't one size fits all. If he's o.k. with it that's his business. If she's still expecting him to pay for everything I'd say she's taking advantage, but it's still his business. Not anything you can really do one way or another and he'll have to figure it out himself.
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