Weezy1973 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 So amongst the "always singles" there is the prevailing idea that the majority of married people have settled. So this question is for people in long term relationships - have you settled? If so in what way? How is your partner "below" what you desire?
Pyro Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I didn't settle. I refused to settle and would have stayed single for as long as it took even if I never met her. 4
KathyM Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I did not settle. I felt my husband had everything I was looking for in a man, so I took him up on his proposal to marry me.
Eddie Edirol Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I doubt you'll get anyone here that has given advise to people to admit that they settled out of laziness. 2
Author Weezy1973 Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 I doubt you'll get anyone here that has given advise to people to admit that they settled out of laziness. Yes - that's kind of the ulterior motive of the post. I don't believe most people in long term relationships feel they have settled. I believe most people who are always single use that as an excuse to make them feel better. 4
Woggle Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Many people are in a state of perpetual GIGS so yes many feel they have settled. I am not one of them. 1
Sanman Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Define settling and I will let you know. Do I feel as if I settled on major issues in my relationship? Absolutely not. This is the best relationship that I have been in by a long shot. She is my best friend. Are there minor details I would change? Sure...and there are little things she would change about me. That is not really settling to me. That is learning to live with the quirks in your partner and accepting that life is not perfect. You find the best partner you can and jump in for the crazy journey that is life. If you are holding on the the fact that they lack six pack abs, d cup boobs, or have that one annoying habit you will never find anyone. It is accepting the whole package and realizing that this person brings something better into your life. 3
Pyro Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Settling to me means ignoring deal breakers in order to be with that person. 3
Sanman Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Settling to me means ignoring deal breakers in order to be with that person. Depends what your deal breakers are. In recent months I have seen perpetually single friends of my gf pass on or almost pass on great guys due to a few inches of height and showing too much of his gums when he smiles and then continue to complain about being single. If those are the types of deal breakers you use, perhaps you deserve to be single. 2
Pyro Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Depends what your deal breakers are. In recent months I have seen perpetually single friends of my gf pass on or almost pass on great guys due to a few inches of height and showing too much of his gums when he smiles and then continue to complain about being single. If those are the types of deal breakers you use, perhaps you deserve to be single. Absolutely they do. The deal breakers that I am referring to though are more about what's on the inside and not outside. Values, beliefs, etc.
Els Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 So this question is for people in long term relationships - have you settled? No. (10 char)
Author Weezy1973 Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 So far, nobody feels they have settled. Pretty much as I suspected.
GoodOnPaper Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Yes and no. Yes in the sense that I didn't feel that initial crazy-infatuation, but I figured that after always struggling to attract women and always being on the rejected/dumped end of things, having someone who was more into me was at least a better alternative. No in the sense that she is a great LTR partner and I enjoy being with her more and more as the years go by. We truly "like" each other in a way that many couples don't or just take-it-or-leave-it -- even in the conservative, family-oriented area that we live in. On LS, it seems that unless you are 100% mouth-slacking, drooling, overwhelmingly physically infatuated, then you are 100% settling. In real life, I think there is a LOT of gray area people can find themselves in.
Emilia Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Absolutely they do. The deal breakers that I am referring to though are more about what's on the inside and not outside. Values, beliefs, etc. Agree but I would struggle with the gums thing. 1
Treasa Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I suppose that in some ways I "settled." I stopped going after guys that made things drama-filled and "exciting" and finally realized that I already had someone who, while not filling me with butterflies, was kinder and more darling to me than any other guy on earth would and could ever be. I settled for the best man on earth. 1
Pyro Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Agree but I would struggle with the gums thing. No one is perfect except me 2
Emilia Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 No one is perfect except me I have noted CE's absence on this thread. 1
Pyro Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I have noted CE's absence on this thread. Someone has to make the money around here. 1
man_in_the_box Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 have you settled? If so in what way? How is your partner "below" what you desire? No, I think were a good match. The relationship isn't perfect, we have our doubts, shortcomings and bad phases but as long as there's mutual drive to keep investing in the relationship I'll never consider it as settling. If that isn't the case I'd rather walk away.
Pyro Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 No, I think were a good match. The relationship isn't perfect, we have our doubts, shortcomings and bad phases but as long as there's mutual drive to keep investing in the relationship I'll never consider it as settling. If that isn't the case I'd rather walk away. I think that a common misconception is that some people feel that you are settling if you are with someone whom you disagree with. I really hope that no one out there is expecting perfection in a relationship. 5
carhill Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Lifting a bit of dating advice from eHarmony, I'll add the following: "If you find yourself focusing on what’s missing in your relationship, struggle constantly with wishing your partner were different, and feel pressured to change who you are because it makes things run more smoothly, you could be settling for a partner who is, simply put, not a great match for you." If I had to reflect honestly upon the courtship process prior to getting married, there were elements of compatibility, markedly in the areas of communication and interactive style, which I settled upon, mainly in the realm of giving the benefit of the doubt. That was a choice I made and a lesson I learned. A decade of marriage taught a lot of lessons. 1
Silly_Girl Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Not knowingly, when I realised, I left. I was also in danger of wanting [people/things] to make me happy back then, so I was heading for a fall, of course. 1
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Of course, not many will admit that they have settled. This thread has no point. 2
Pyro Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Of course, not many will admit that they have settled. This thread has no point. Or perhaps we really haven't settled. Unless we all know each other personally we can only speculate. 3
Eternal Sunshine Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Or perhaps we really haven't settled. Unless we all know each other personally we can only speculate. Well, you and CE have certainly not settled I don't know enough about others, just saying that it's unlikely that people will admit to it. 1
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