Delilah1623 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 So the break up was last Thursday. Last time we talked was Sunday. Asked if there was any chance we could talk and try to work things out. He said no. I moved to this town, 1800+ miles from my home town, after my divorce and a bad relationship. I was able to keep my same job and transfer. I haven't made a lot of friends here, first I was severely depressed and broke. Then severely depressed and working 70+ hours a week. A rejection by a guy I wasn't even into would send me to bed for days. I was suicidal and cutting. Diagnosed with depression, PTSD and anxiety. I was a mess. Would cry on my way to work. In the bathroom at work. On my way home from work... Finally started to get back on track in January. Started dating my ex in April. Happier and more in love than I have ever been before. I was planning on staying here to be with him. Now that it is over I have decided to return home in two weeks. If I stay my hobbies would consist of sitting around and missing him. But there is still part of me that secretly hopes he comes back. Obviously if I leave there is no coming back. Also part of why I am going. I do love him and know I would take him back even though he treated me so poorly to the end. All I want to do is go home with my tail tucked between my legs to my friends that love me and have been there for me through everything. I am planning on buying a little house for me and my dogs and licking my wounds for a bit. Starting my own little life.... But my heart still hurts knowing that by doing this I am ensuring there is no chance of us getting back together. Please someone tell me I am doing the right thing.
Midnight_Princess Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 You ARE doing the right thing. Things with him wont be different the next time. Best of luck 1
Author Delilah1623 Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Thank you. My brain tells me I am doing the right thing but my heart is fighting it right now. It's finally starting to sink in that its over and the future we had talked about isn't happening. As tough as it is right now it is also a testiment to how far I have come. Today was the first time I've cried since Sunday. I have been keeping busy and focusing on looking at houses and keeping busy. Also been talking to a friend back home about becoming a puppy foster parent when I get my own place. Trying to find things I have always wanted to do so I have things to look forward to so instead of dwelling on the pain and what I lost. Normally a breakup of this magnitude would have devestated me. Although it hurts and I'm sad and miss him I am amazed and proud of how far I have come. And amazed at the strength I have had going no contact. Never been able to do that before. I do think it really helps with accepting and moving on.
thompkevin Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Yes, you are doing the right thing. You have tried with him as much as you can, and now it's time to put your happiness before anyone else. Your brain will try to make you think that only he can give you happiness, but it's just looking for a quick fix rather than fully healing from the pain. You should know better and not let your feelings manipulate you into getting back together. 1
Author Delilah1623 Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 I know if I contact him it would ony push him fatter away. And he just shuts down and doesn't deal with feelings so I think there is about a 1% chance he would contact me. But you have a point. If he did contact me that would be a quick fix for the current pain. But really I know would only lead to more pain down the road. I am glad I found this board. It helps so much to be able to talk and muse about the different aspects. I realize only I can give me the closure I need to move on. It really has nothing to do with him anymore.
Author Delilah1623 Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 Today is bad. I think it's finally sinking in that its really over. I am looking at houses to buy when we were supposed to move in together this fall. I just want to yell and scream and flip out on him. I won't. But I want to.
Author Delilah1623 Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 And it's hitting me that I'm going back feeling like a failure. To where there is the chance of me running into my family and ex husband and his family and my psycho exes family. At least my psycho ex is in prison for 15 years. Small consultation. I was terrified to be there after he was arrested. I literally slept in a bathrobe with pepper spray in one pocket and a pocket knife in the other for months. I felt more safe 1800 miles from anyone I knew in a city I'd never been to before that was 3 times the size of where I came from than I did there. Am I really going back?
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