LucyElric Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I need opinions because I am so unsure of what to do or how to think of this situation. We will call the boy in question A for anonymous. A and I met a little but under a year ago thanks to a mutual friend who happened to like me (we'll call him M for mutual). A and the M where best friends. A and I hit it off wonderfully when we first met, he was crazy and fun and just a really good guy. By the time that A and I had become good friends I had already tried to politely shoot down M but he was still going at it. Actually to this day he still has a thing for me and tries every now and then to hook up with me. But I digress. A few months after I met A I went into a relationship with another boy and we'll call him B for boyfriend. So here's the story line put more simply. A, B, and M all happened to be really good friends, B and M were best friends. I started going out with B after I met A and M. M was still trying to get with me. A little too late, I realized that B and I weren't really a good match but I didn't know how to tel him that so I just ended up staying in the relationship till he called it quits which was at three months. During the time that B and I were dating, A and I got closer and closer and I even found myself thinking to myself a couple of time that if I wasn't with B, I would be with A. He made me smile so much and he brightened my mood whenever I wasn't having the greatest time because of B. So B and I broke up and A started sitting at lunch with me everyday, walking me to classes. All of our friends thought we were dating and a few times we even held hands in the hallways or hugged in ways that implied more than just friendship. It got a little awkward between A, B, M, and Me for a while because it was a little 'love' square but A and M talked it out and M backed off so that A and I would have a chance. Now like I said before, A is a great guy. We have nicknames for each other, (i love music) and he would always let me take his ipod for the day, sometimes even the weekend. whenever he saw me sitting alone at lunch (my friends and boyfriend at the time had things to do) he would keep me company. A was a little hung up over an ex of his and we used to meet in the library everyday to talk about that and other stuff; dreams he had about me, books, movies, our day. anything. he would walk me home. give me his letterman when i was could or he would just hold me and call himself my 'human jacket' and then i realized i loved him. but i couldn't tell him. because despite all those things he was doing for me, he still cared about his ex. so i backed off of him and started hanging out with other guy friends more to try to distract myself. a couple of months before the summer he finally confessed to me. he asked me out and I said no. my reason was that I was too afraid to be with him and then mess things up and lose him not only as a lover but as best friend. and I knew i wouldn't be able to do that. looking back i think i regret the decision i made. we still talk sometimes, not too often. we still use our nicknames. he's still so kind, and weird and HIM. I think we even flirt sometimes. But see now the thing is. he has a girlfriend. and i'm trying to be cordial about it, but i'm obviously so jealous. and he still says things that make me insinuate that he wants to be more than friends. i know he adores his girlfriend but is it possible that he still wants to be with me? is she someone he picked up trying to distract himself from me or am i just flattering myself? Here's some messages he's sent to me word for word: "****, I wanna see you (my nickname)! I would always be with you at school and now I haven't seen you in months" "Haha I remember the cute smile that you made after that...I loved making you smile ^.^" "If I didn't give up on trying to be your bf why would I give up on being your best friend" "Didn't you have feelings for this 'retard' ;D" "You wanna know why I didn't talk to you??...like this whole summer (my nickname) its cause i would miss you too much i'd do something stupid like walk to your house and go see you cause i missed you so much..." AND HE HAS A GIRLFRIEND RIGHT NOW. WHEN HE SENT THESE. He even went so far to ask about why we didn't work out like he wanted us to and when i started liking him. Does he still have feelings for me? and i'm not talking about lingering feelings like he's trying to get over me, but REAL feelings? What should I do? I want to talk to him about it but the big issue is he's seeing someone and i don't want it to be like i'm trying to break them up. I really appreciate that you took the time to read this all but if you could just do one more thing. Tell me, give me your opinion, what does it look like or sound like to you? What would you do in my situation? Please help! I'm so confused and each day it just gets worse.
Philosoraptor Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Sounds like he does have some lingering feelings for you, but he is currently in a relationship and you need to respect that. If you are 100% sure you want to see what going beyond friendship would mean for the two of you: The next time he makes any clear sign of his interest you need to question him on it. If he says he wants more than friendship with you, you need to make him understand that you can only date him if he is single. Put the ball in his court and if he ends it with her, he can begin with you.
twinkie0 Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 If you two really want to be together, then by all means do so. No use being in relationships that don't make you happy because you like someone else. Though you shouldn't have started them in the first place considering you still had feelings for each other. But be careful, even if you do decide to break up with your respectie couples to get together, don't jump into a relationship right away. Give yourselves some time, still hanging out and whatever, but not as a couple. After a little while, you'll be good to go. Skipping this period of being single will probably affect your relationship.
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