I found my partner looking on local escorts sites

[brokenheartedgirl08]

Hi everyone, this is a long story but I'm looking for everyone else's opinions please. I have been with my partner for 4 and a half years and we have 2 children together. he has recently opened up his own shop after working from home for a year. ever since he opened his shop we have be arguing quite a lit die to money issues. The money problems are just getting worse. We have argues because he says I don't support him and haven't supported him from day one.which I don't agree with. I have supported him and encouraged him with everything. I just don't agree with him getting more than one employee for the time being due to having no money! and having a home to run and kids to feed. I help him out in the shop by posting parcels from orders we receive online. I went to post some parcels one day and went into the history on the computer as I always do as I don't know how to get on the account, and I couldn't believe my eyes the history was full of local escort sights. and I was already a bit suspicious as the day he had been looking at these sight he phones me just when he was finishing work to tell me he was going to see the manager of a company he had trouble with and would be bk in an hour. But he took 2 hours. I never let on I was suspicious and just kept quiet. but after seeing the history on the pc I confronted him and he admitted he had been on them, but said he was only looking as he was told that a customer of ours was an escort so he just wanted to see if she was on there. he swore on his kids life's that there was nothing in it and that he was just being nosey. We had a long discussion and he said he feels he's driftting away from me because I don't support him. I also checked his call log after seeing all this and there was a number dialed 2 minutes before he called me to say he was going to see a manger from the company. I confronted him again because even though he admitted he was looking at these site he kept it quiet about calling one! he admitted then that he called one just to see if it was his customer. I don't know what to believe or what to think. we are back on good terms again. and he has showed me a lot more love and been very good with me. And says that he loves me and doesn't want to loose me. I love him too and don't want to loose him but I just can't get this out my head and now I'm really suspicious and want to check his phone and

[BradJacobs]

The money problems are just getting worse.

Find ways to fix the money issue and I'm willing to bet the escort issue goes away.

[brokenheartedgirl08]

Pc history all the time. and also there is this girl that works in another shop bit doing the same business as us. His employee introduced her to us. She has been asking for a job with us as she knows us and says she would enjoy it. She has a child and a husband but my bf gets the impression that she likes him. He spike to her and said that he is in a comitted relasionship and if she ever does work for him thats it it would be as he cant have that goig on in the work place with anybody. i then I found out a few days later that she has left her husband and moved bk in with her mum. She has been going bk and fore the shop to have a chat because she feels down. but it is really getting to me because when we had our big argument my bf said that he was thinking about her because maybe she would give him more support than I do. but since we spoke all out feelings out to each other he has said that he didn't mean it. this girl still comes back and for the shop and hangs about there for hours. it's driving me insane especially after what he said! he says that I need to learn to trust him but how can I when he told me all this himself. pls help! X

[brokenheartedgirl08]

Is taking forever, he opened up this shop with nothing bit a deposit. He ordered lots of goods for the shop which were 1000s of pounds. Which is still to be paid for. The shop isn't going to well some days we bring in under £100 other days its can be upto £300 we have a weekly wage to pay to put employee so it's really tuff at the moment until the business picks up. I just can't understand the escort thing as we don't have much money to live without spending it on escorts if that was the case. What do you think?

[BradJacobs]

I think in times of extreme stress people are more prone to act out on fantasies because their reality sucks.

 

I run my own business. I had a very, very tough year about six years ago. I acted like a complete ass at the time because I didn't want to face the reality that I was about to go under. It took me hitting rock bottom to climb myself out of that mess.

 

Money isn't the root of all happiness but having money makes it easier to deal with the problems that do come up.

[brokenheartedgirl08]

yes I totally agree, I'm not too bothered about the money, I was happy just with him working a normal job. But I can't totally understand that he wants to better himself not only for him but for our family. I do support him but when I put in my oppion about him employing other people he goes mad and says I'm not supporting him. I am new to all this, how can I show my support more so he can actually see that u am supporting him and thy I do care?

[BradJacobs]

Let him fail on his own.

 

Protect your own finances. Don't let him drag you down with him. Wish it were easier but if you push him to exit the business when times are tough he's always going to blame you for the failure of his dream.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

So lets get this straight:

 

 

He is accused of having sifted perhaps through every escort site under the sun, and then of eventually having dialed one of them... and then, presumably, gone off to enjoy a session for 1 or 2 hours with one escort?

 

 

That is the sum of the potential evidence you have?

 

 

 

It just... sounds a lot like the case of a reformed alcoholic, going from website to website of bars in the local area, and then seemingly going to one, and having one beer... and then controllably quitting on his own.

 

 

I would suggest that there is a different kind of 'sexy' appeal to the seemingly available-for-sex women in one's local area than one knows with the barely legal teen starlets who make up so much of internet porn. So it seems possible that he was tantalizing himself only by investigating who is out there locally. (still not exactly an ideal move when one has a partner, yet a far cry from having had sex with another person)

 

I almost refuse to believe that this guy has phoned and (had sex with) one escort during the entire window of your relationship... yet that is all of the circumstantial evidence which you present.

[Radu]

Maybe just my opinion on this one, but anyone that swears on his kid's lives can't be good news.

[brokenheartedgirl08]

Thanks for all the replies. Well maybe you are right andy mind in just working over time. I just found it a qouinaidience that he had looked on these sites rang one up which was a 2minute call, then called me to say he was going to see the manger of a company with his employee. I then spoke to his employees partner as she is my friend and she told me her partner was home, I asked her to ask her employee where my partner was and he said he had just dropped my partner off there. my partners arrives home 2 hours later and said he had got a taxi back home. and never ended up seeing the manager and was talking too someone he knows there.

[Radu]

Well, then you have your answer.

[StayBeautiful]

You know what, you're going to end up believing him because you want to. And that's completely understandable. But as someone who has been there, I've heard all this before, it won't be until you provide irrefutable proof that he'll admit it. Until then he will gaslight and gaslight until you both run out of breath.

[Eve]

Sounds like he is living in a fantasy world. He wants to pull off this business and have one over on you. He is not a family man.

 

Cut him loose.

 

Take care,

Eve x

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Thanks for all the replies. Well maybe you are right andy mind in just working over time. I just found it a qouinaidience that he had looked on these sites rang one up which was a 2minute call, then called me to say he was going to see the manger of a company with his employee. I then spoke to his employees partner as she is my friend and she told me her partner was home, I asked her to ask her employee where my partner was and he said he had just dropped my partner off there. my partners arrives home 2 hours later and said he had got a taxi back home. and never ended up seeing the manager and was talking too someone he knows there.

 

 

I want to be clear in allowing for the chance that this guy is well-versed and a regular in the escort world in your area. However, the idea that your evidence has come mostly via the computer history, and that you have just one instance to pinpoint via that evidence, would be surprising IF he were indeed well-versed in the local escort scene.

 

If you were to click a new corner of the computer (history) and discover a whole vault of escort-related details, well then, I'm ready to fully buy-into your perception that he's (so familiar with escorts that he's nearly a pimp).

 

And while I can understand why many admitted "virgins" here speak of going to an escort once, I just don't envision it for the guy who has a partner at home (specifically the "once" part, I mean).

[will1988]

I think there is a 50/50 chance he actually met the escorts. I agree with the other posters... I know when my fiance (at the time GF) and I had been doing a two year long distance thing, and I was working full time and going to school full time at night, I was just so stressed... it felt like the relationship was going to end soon, and I had not experienced any physical intamacy in months... so i looked at the aforementioned types of sites. It was pure fantasy. I never acted on it, even when i had the money too, and knew that I would not get caught. Why? Because I did not want to run the risk of contracting an STD, and end up being arrested in a sting opperation, but also because I realized it was just fantasy. I was sexually frustrated, frustrated with my relationship, frustrated and stressed with work and school, and living at home with my step-mom who can be a little overbaring at times. I never did it. However, I am sure if my fiance was around at that time and saw my history (which out of habit from having a family computer as a teen, i always delete the history) she would jump to the same conclusion... she would look at my bank statement and see a couple hundred taken out every two weeks at an ATM... she would assume that i was using the cash for hookers. However, in actuallity I was taking the money out and paying back my step mom for loaning me money to pay for the semester of school, and for rent since i lived at home! Of course, my fiance and I worked out our problems, got over the hump, and she moved up here with me and we got an apartment over a year ago... the first couple months we had a rough patch (as per my first threads on this site), but got over it, and have been doing amazingly since then... and i gave her a ring a few months ago. Anyway, enough about me, as the other poster said, your BF may just be stressed and frustrated with life and sexually frustrated so he is having these fantasies.... he may not actually be doing anything with them... escorts are expensive, so you may want to see if he had withdrawn any money from the ATM on that day. i dunno. it is 50/50.