ReadyforLife Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I'm trying to be rational, but am having a lot of difficulty. About a month ago my husband came out and said that he has had thoughts of leaving me in 6 years when our youngest finishes school. We have both had affairs in the past, he first, though pointing of fingers does not help. Mine was 6 years ago. He has held it over my head since. Another thing he said 1 month ago is that he will probably hold it against me for the rest of his life. Fast forward, he's changed his mind. All is better??? For the last 3 weeks he has been nice, treating me better. Now the problem is MINE. I have been put through the ringer so many times with him, I don't want to let him in only to hurt me again! He has come down on me about the affair 3 times in the last 7 months. I can see that he's trying, but now I don't know if I can go there. When someone tells you over and over that you are not sexually desirable to them, that they don't see you the same way as they used to, that there are only certain conditions/situations where they are interested physically at all.....then wants to have sex because that's in the past...how do I go there ? Part of me wants to GET OUT. I used to be afraid of being alone. I still don't want to be alone, but I also don't want this man to hurt me again . I even went so far as paying a lawyer and turning in the paperwork. I stopped it because we had a $5,000 catastrophe at the house. Bad excuse, but is what happened. Any advice or input is greatly appreciated.
zoobadger Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 How many kids do you have? The youngest is 12, so I'm guessing you have one or two more who are teens? It sounds like you're both unhappy. If money weren't a problem - that is, if you could readily afford a decent apartment or mortgage for a place near your current residence, how would that affect your decision?
Author ReadyforLife Posted July 26, 2013 Author Posted July 26, 2013 We have 3 kids. The oldest is 16. I am more unhappy now. He's trying to be better, and pretty hard. I think the last time he came down on me just did something to me where I said enough, you aren't doing this to me ever again!! To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about him anymore. I don't want to be intimate because I feel he will just get mean to me again. Money is an issue. We both have good paying jobs. We also have a mortgage to pay and many other bills. At a loss
Yasuandio Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Hon, you are perfectly rational. After that statement he made about "6 years from now," the writing is on the wall. He cannot "unring" that bell. No reason to wait another decade and hear the same news. Sounds like you are familiar with the detachment process. Might be a good idea to go with that for now - and expand your horizons no matter what the "house-keeping" matter is at the moment. Just detach and stay mum. But be ready - he will start crawling to you, and want to bed you. That is where you will end up falling into his snare again, and be much more deeply emotionally entangled again. You must know that he will yield power if he gets your body. You will be ok. Something was wrong a long time ago. Yas
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