LDRer Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 My boyfriend has recently started volunteering for a month in Africa. It'll be too expensive to use a phone and he can only get internet on a rare occasion he can randomly find a wifi spot. The place he's gone to don't even have a proper mailing system. We've done long distance before this due to him having to travel a lot and I thought it'd make this trip easier as we'd be slowly weaning off each other (when we first got together we were practically living together, then we were moved to different parts of the country, then in different countries but skyping to now) but so far we haven't been in contact for 3 days and I'm already struggling to cope. I feel so pathetic that I rely on him so much. It feels as though I'm single at the moment cause it doesn't feel like being in a relationship with someone when I can't at the very least talk to him. I sent him a message explaining my feelings but I don't know when he'll get it. Could be tonight could be next month when he gets back. I know I'm being silly as this is a trip he's had planned since before we even got together and is an excellent opportunity for him and will help him in getting into medicine. I should be a supportive girlfriend not breaking after three days. Of course there's also the trust issue. He could cheat on me with anyone out there and I'd never know. In my heart of hearts I know he loves me and know he just wouldn't even think about going with someone else but when he's not even able to reassure me and thinking about how he's a man with 'needs' I can't fulfil right now I start to worry. Anyway sorry for the load of insecure waffle. Would like to know if anyone else has similar experiences and would like to know some tips on getting through it.
justwhoiam Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Hi, I'm not sure if I can actually help you at all... Anyway, I thought of the following: 1) No contact is awful and a pain for the one who's left at wondering what's going on... That doesn't mean it's a bed of roses for the other party, but probably not as bad. If he's volunteering in Africa (where exactly?), he might practically have almost no time to himself, except for probably the time before getting asleep. 2) For this reason, you might be experiencing the distance in different ways. I'm not saying he doesn't miss you, just in different ways. 3) Even if you don't hear from him, you're not single (yet). Think positively as much as you can. See where he is on googlemaps, watch videos on the country he's in at the moment, it might help you feeling nearer him, even if you're far away. Thinking you can sort of see what he's seeing or might have seen there... 4) Don't you have anything of him (like one of his t-shirts)? That would help in letting you feel his presence somehow. 5) If phone or connection were not an option and you could plan well in advance, you could have bought international stamps and some paper and give it to him, so that he could write you letters at least once a week. Receiving snail mail can work wonders, still today. Now you know, should this happen again. 6) Don't feel weird for feeling the way you feel. I'd feel sort of lost too. This is just to say that you're not alone, and it's normal. Now... can't you arrange anything nice with your friends? Like going to a drive-in theater and watch some movie? Or do something fun? A day trip somewhere? Fill your days as much as possible, and time will fly...
Recommended Posts