Alwaysthedumpee Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Hello... I was with the love of my life (truly) for 10 years. He broke up with me 17 months ago. I had to move several states away to live with my folks as I was left destitute... we never married, so I left with nothing. I don't mean to make him sound awful... there is too much more to that to go into now. He just broke up with his girlfriend of 9 months about a month ago and has been talking me (as a friend) for a few weeks now. We tried to talk like this while he was with his girlfriend, but I was still too hurt and angry. I have now accepted and moved on. I love him for who he is but currently not really 'in love with him'. Anyway, long story short...he is coming to my state (Vegas) from Washington tomorrow night and I will be staying at a hotel on the strip with him. It will be the first time I have seen him in over 8 months. It is clear that we are not getting back together, but we are mutually excited to see each other. Is this a bad move? Yes, I could potentially be set back to phase one of recovery (and it has been a log healing process). To you guys out there...why does he want to see me anyway? Does he have an agenda? Do you think he still has more than 'friends' feelings? Is this a mistake? I cannot tell you how much I would appreciate any input! Thank you!!!! Always the dumpee
TaraMaiden Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Oh God...I can't even.... Okay.... I think even if you declare now that you're not 'IN love with him' once you see him you'll get caught up in the emotion of it all and do something you'll regret.... If you let him have sex with you, it will be breadcrumb/FWB sex. To be brutally honest, meeting up with him will be the biggest and most painful mistake you'll ever make. It will leave you bewildered, confused, unsure and back to base-point square one. But don't take my word for it. Try it for yourself.
blotter Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 As a guy, meeting up with a woman in a vegas hotel I would be expecting one thing.......sex!
drdre Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 As a guy, meeting up with a woman in a vegas hotel I would be expecting one thing.......sex! I second that.
thompkevin Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 God, please don't fall for that. He is using you for sex and you will definitely regret your decision. Even if he has feelings for you, you are not going to get back together, so there is no point in doing this.
daftpunk Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 You were with him for ten years. Some people here were barely out of middle school (or even younger) ten years ago. I was just getting my drivers license and my first car. If I think about everything that has happened and all that I've learned in that decade, I can safely say that you know this guy better than any of us could ever claim to. Take this board's advice into account, as there is a lot of wisdom to be gleaned from it. But don't follow it to the "T"; at the end of the day, most of us are heartbroken, jaded, and bitter. Do what you feel is right. My own advice? Keep your emotions together. Keep control of the situation at all times. Do not have sex. Have a good time as friends in Vegas. If he respects you the entire time and you guys feel a connection again after that, then you can look into taking the next babysteps. But don't trust a hope. 5
lavenderlove Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 We don't know what he wants. But I am guessing you want: Someone who loves you Someone who appretiates you Someone who would never leave you no matter what Before you make a choice to let him even touch you both emotionally and/or physically please make sure that you know that that is what you want. Keep us in the loop! Love, Lavender
lukekarts Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 You were with him for ten years. Some people here were barely out of middle school (or even younger) ten years ago. I was just getting my drivers license and my first car. If I think about everything that has happened and all that I've learned in that decade, I can safely say that you know this guy better than any of us could ever claim to. Take this board's advice into account, as there is a lot of wisdom to be gleaned from it. But don't follow it to the "T"; at the end of the day, most of us are heartbroken, jaded, and bitter. Do what you feel is right. My own advice? Keep your emotions together. Keep control of the situation at all times. Do not have sex. Have a good time as friends in Vegas. If he respects you the entire time and you guys feel a connection again after that, then you can look into taking the next babysteps. But don't trust a hope. I think this is the best piece of advice. As said here, you know him better than anyone else, just don't make the mistake of sleeping with him. He may be being polite, or he may be wanting to get back with you - depends on the circumstances of the breakup (was it GIGS?). 1
Inviv_girl Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 10 years is a long time to know somebody. He broke up with his current gf.. surely he feels lonely and the "need" to have someone he once convenience with. You know him better, its true.. but we never know what exactly his intention of wanting to see you. People change from time to time. You know how you "feel" exactly! if you think seeing him will set you back then don't, and if you feel only friendly meeting with him then go for it. Vegas is full of temptation, have sex with him will be a huge mistakes.. you only will be used as temporary replacing void in his heart upon his break up with his current gf. After broke up with you he can be with someone else, so I suppose he was able to moved on and love someone else.. and now he broke up and meeting you without clear indication.. maybe only for sex or for something else. Just be wise!
Author Alwaysthedumpee Posted August 11, 2013 Author Posted August 11, 2013 Thank you all for the great advice, comments and opinions. I really do appreciate you all taking the time to do so. I ended up leaving my lap top at the hotel and just got it back... that's why the delay in replying. Yes, I do know him better than anyone. It was so odd the first few 15-20 minutes, but then it just felt so comfortable, just like going 'home'. It was like we had never been apart the past 18 months! We had a good time. I did end up sleeping with him.... I know, I know.... bad choice, but inevidable. There is still a lot of there and I know it is not just me that feels it. We still talk almost everyday. He does not want to get back together and I claim to him that I don't either. He flirts with me a lot and I know that he is just lonely and that he is using me. Sadly, I will take that if that is all I can get. I know it is going to kill me when he has a new someone 'new'. I guess in the back of mind, i am gambling on the teeniest tiniest prayer that we could get back together. We all know how this is going to work out for me though, don't we?
HopelessRomantick Posted August 11, 2013 Posted August 11, 2013 (edited) Thank you all for the great advice, comments and opinions. I really do appreciate you all taking the time to do so. I ended up leaving my lap top at the hotel and just got it back... that's why the delay in replying. Yes, I do know him better than anyone. It was so odd the first few 15-20 minutes, but then it just felt so comfortable, just like going 'home'. It was like we had never been apart the past 18 months! We had a good time. I did end up sleeping with him.... I know, I know.... bad choice, but inevidable. There is still a lot of there and I know it is not just me that feels it. We still talk almost everyday. He does not want to get back together and I claim to him that I don't either. He flirts with me a lot and I know that he is just lonely and that he is using me. Sadly, I will take that if that is all I can get. I know it is going to kill me when he has a new someone 'new'. I guess in the back of mind, i am gambling on the teeniest tiniest prayer that we could get back together. We all know how this is going to work out for me though, don't we? Sadly most, if not all of us do.... You seem to be content with your current arrangement. You also seem to be prepared & ready for when "it" happens again. Good luck. Edited August 11, 2013 by HopelessRomantick
daftpunk Posted August 12, 2013 Posted August 12, 2013 We all know how this is going to work out for me though, don't we? Well, no, not really. I mean we could play the odds, but no one here is omniscient.
Virgil876 Posted August 14, 2013 Posted August 14, 2013 I guess in the back of mind, i am gambling on the teeniest tiniest prayer that we could get back together. We all know how this is going to work out for me though, don't we? As said, most of the people on this very forum are recently broken up dumpees and are emotionally swayed & some are even jaded, don't let those opinions get to you since every relationship is subjective and you would know best on what to do. Just know that you would really need to evaluate this objectively instead of letting your emotions take control.
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