Can't break things off effectively

[cottoncandy3]

This is going to be a whole bunch of crap about a current relationship I'm in and my help to get out. Bare with me.

I started talking to this guy I was friends with in college. Let me make this as clear as possible. We were JUST friends. Literally platonic. We were in the same program. I thought he was pretty cute. That was it. We got along great. He had a sense of humor. I generally liked him. Thought he was one of the decent guys out there. But I NEVER would have considered dating him. No reason. Sometimes there's chemistry, sometimes there isn't. And I just had gotten through a break up at the time so I didn't see him as an option. We used to eat lunch together every day. Go on walks alone. We knew each other pretty well. His sister and I were even friends. A year later, he transfers schools and I never see him again.

 

Fast forward 2 years later. He comments on one of my statuses on Facebook. I comment back. Turns into a huge thread. He messages me and asks for my number. I thought this was extremely strange. Give it to him anyway. Like I said, decent guy. We end up talking every day for 6 months. Clearly, we have some small crush on each other. Decide we want to visit each other. We were planning it for Christmas of 2012.

 

Now this is where everything changes. I lose my job around Thanksgiving. We are extremely close at this point. I'm not talking to anyone. He isn't talking to anyone. Affectionate texts/calls/skypes/facetimes all over the place. Pretty obvious where this is going. Excited for meeting up. I tell him I lose my job at this great company. And instead of me coming to visit, that I should stay awhile. Maybe a month or two.

 

At first I was completely excited for it. I had responsibilities and some savings. He lives completely across the entire country (Washington and Florida). But I thought it was a good idea to see if we wanted a LDR. It took me longer than I was expecting. He becomes frustrated. And tells me he wants to me to stay. Like, as long as I can. Find work and such. Yes, this sounds extremely weird and stupid but we were very close. Had mutual friends. Hung out numerous times. And for some weird reason I trusted him.

 

But things take a turn for the worst. He started lying about what he was doing, where he was going like raves and other parties. I find out he was doing drugs (mostly pot), had severe depression, had multiple dating profiles (POF, OKCUPID, Match) that were all created recently. Yes, I do my research. I'm not changing my whole life for a loser. And I come to find out it's because he's severely depressed. He was on Zoloft and some other antidepressant. Began drinking. But decides he wants to better himself and puts off me coming.

 

I decide to forgive these things and wait. WHY? I'm a moron! He's never come to see me even though he's so upset I'm not there. And never came to see me.

 

I have so many feelings for this guy. And I'm not sure why. The list of cons heavily outweigh the pros. And I want to list them to give you a better idea of why I feel like I do.

 

The lying - he lied about numerous things where I had to drag it out of him that he lied.

The drugs - self explanatory.

The dating profiles - creepy and somewhat betrayal if I'm changing my life to be with him.

The selfishness - his way or the highway. I come be with him or nothing. He is in medical school which I understand. Guess I just don't like how it's presented.

Never comes to visit aka selfishness - only wants me where he is.

He said his parents want to choose who he marries - They're from India.

Physical attraction - Yes, I did find him cute at first but that was a few years ago and he no longer is physically attractive to me. This is not a deal breaker at all. Just thought I'd add it.

The depression - I understand, we've all had it. But his is unbearable.

His ex's - He still talks to them regularly.

The temper - has somewhat of a temper sometimes. Can say really immature/mean things.

 

The list can go on and on. Mostly what stands out is selfishness. But every time I try to break things off, I CANNOT. WHY? Is something wrong with me? How do I break things off effectively? He's a smooth talker and says all of the right things. Should I just NEVER message him again? I'm not strong enough to break it off. I feel like I NEED him in my life for me to be happy. And it makes me sick thinking about him with someone else.

 

Why am I staying in a "relationship" or trying for one with someone I do not want to be with on paper? I just love talking to him. He makes me happy. But he sucks.

Edited July 25, 2013 by cottoncandy3

[daftpunk]

Why am I staying in a "relationship" or trying for one with someone I do not want to be with on paper?

 

Because you're weak.

 

Do not despair; we're all quite weak. The idea of these boards is that a bunch of weak people can work together to accomplish a set of mutual goals that require a great deal of strength.