aloneinaz Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Curious to hear everyone's feedback, especially women's. I've been dating a new girl for almost three weeks. We're both in our 40's. She has two kids, 11 and 13. I live alone and I see my kids monthly. So, she has her kids week on and week off. My question is; how frequently would/should we be seeing each other. She doesn't like to do things away from her kids on the week she has them. She lives like 8 minutes from me and I always suggest her sneaking out to come over and see me for 30 minutes which she rarely does. I don't know where she lives yet because she doesn't want me to meet her kids until she knows were going to be serious and last. We are exclusive now. Her last bf lived w/her and cheated on her. She tossed him out and her kids got attached to him. I don't blame her for being careful there. My warped mind would think she'd want to see me as much as I want to see her. I get that she has a busy life. Works full time, has to come home to her kids, etc.. It just my last GF had two kids at home and I saw her about every night. I'd go over there after her kids were put to bed. Now, I'm not saying I expect to see her daily but would like to see her more than the 3-4 times a week. Most of these times are quick, meet for coffee or meet for a coke while her kids are at practice. Thoughts?
Philosoraptor Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 You are dating a woman with kids, it's natural for them to come first. 3-4 times a week during the first month is a good amount, that equates to every other day. She finds time when she can, and if it's not enough for you you may need to find someone else with more time.
clia Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I would expect once or twice a week at the three week mark. But it's different for everyone. To be honest, you wanting to see her more than 3-4 times a week at this point seems excessive to me. But it may not be excessive to her. 2
jphcbpa Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 It is good that she has some boundries about men around her house and kids. Great sign...respect that and do not push her. IMO, you are seeing her alot. My g/f has 1 son and we live about 30 min. apart. We see each other on weekends. Sometimes during the week if I happen to be down her way or her in my neighborhood. My suggestion is go with the flow and let her schedule determine the amount of time you see each other. You have more freedom than she does so you will have to be more flexible. You should find some more hobbies/activities to keep yourself busy during the week. If you cannot handle lesser time, then you need to find another woman to date. 3
Phantom888 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I'm on the same boat as you...same age group, same situation. My girlfriend has a 9 year old daughter which she has all week, and she gets every other weekend off, and I have a 9 year old daughter and a 5 year old son which I have every weekend. It's hard to juggle the schedules. She had a serious relationship 2.5 years ago, and only that one person has met her daughter. She is extremely protective. After we started dating for 2 weeks, we realized we wanted to be serious, and seeing each other every other weekend was not going to work. She introduced me to her daughter as a "friend" so we could have dinner together during the week, and I can visit often after she goes to bed. It has worked out splendidly. Last week was unusual, and I saw her every evening. This week is also unusual because I only saw her once. Typically we see each other on tuesday, thursday and saturday night if she is not visiting her parents. On the weekends when her daughter is with the bio-dad, we are together Saturday night through Monday morning. I live 7 minutes away, so there is room to be flexible. I think if you two are serious in the next couple of months, try to introduce yourself to her child as a friend. This way you can visit more often, and it's not alarming. 1
Star Gazer Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Now, I'm not saying I expect to see her daily but would like to see her more than the 3-4 times a week. Most of these times are quick, meet for coffee or meet for a coke while her kids are at practice. Thoughts? You've been seeing her 3 weeks and you want to see her MORE than 3-4x a week? Wow. She has kids and you want to sneak over and see her once the kids are asleep? What happens when they wake up and find a strange man in the house with mom?
jphcbpa Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I am 40, my g/f is 37. I have a son and she has a son....what my g/f did was she asked her ex to switch weekends so that we both (she and I) have our child on the same weekend. This way we have 2 to 3 weekends a month with our kiddos and 2 weekends per month just the two of us.
Author aloneinaz Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 Some good feedback here. Thanks everyone. I know, I'm not saying i'm right in my thoughts of wanting to see her so often. I'm just two months out of my last relationship where I saw her about every night or at least 5 days a week. She also lived only 5 minutes from me. I'm on the fence of feeling "needy" and that's NOT what I want to do. She does like me a lot and tells me that when we talk or are together. She spent last Friday night w/me for 5 hours w/her kids at home, so that's was awesome. Crap.. it looks like I need to lower my expectations on often I see her. I went from dating like crazy two weeks after my last CRAPPY relationship ended and being out almost every night to now spending copious amounts of nights alone again. I don't like it! I know, I'm was spoiled w/my last relationship. I hope she doesn't want to wait months and months before introducing me to her kids. My impatient nature won't handle that too well..
crude Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I think it might depend on what your intentions are long term. If you're thinking marriage, then more often is a way to gauge how a marriage would feel. If you just intend to be bf/gf and not necessarily get married or want to take it slowly, then every day is way too often. Twice a week is more like it.
RogerWallace111 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 As far as visit quantity, 3-5 times a week sounds like a bit much after 3 weeks (though I've been "head-over-heels" to where mutual craving had us hanging almost daily after about a week, so I can't talk). As far as quality of the visits and duration though... I would prefer one full day/evening together a week to 3-5 coffee dates, so if it's just meet up briefly here and there, I could definitely see wanting more. But the simple fact is it's only going to happen as much as she makes time for it to, on her own completely free will. So in this situation pushing for it doesn't seem like a good idea. And I'm not recommending playing games by holding back & pretending to have less interest than you really do or any sh*t like that. More just to accept the time you get with her at the moment, make it really good, and see what happens. Cause you're only 50% in control and that's all you ever get... 1
Simon Phoenix Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 1-2 times a week at the beginning, then slowly ramp it up to 2-3 and keep going from there.
Author aloneinaz Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 Yea, ok.. I get that most think 2-3 times a week at this stage is normal. She's just more patient than I and is in a more slow mode for the relationship where I have much more free time. Thus, I want to see her and spend it with her like I did w/my last GF. I just hope my impatient nature can "go with the flow" w/out getting impatient and putting too much pressure on her to find more time for us. We shall see. Thanks everyone for your impute.
rocketman122 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 im dating someone who has 3 kids. I see her 1-2 times a week but truthfully want more. 3 times would be nice. I have to ask to come see her at times. dating someone who has kids is crap. otoh, women I dated who had no kids or older kids that were out of the house wasnt better because they were too clingy and wanted to see each other 4-5 times a week and thats too much. I would like to find someone who can invest like me, isnt too clingy, can make me priority like I make them. you need to find a balance. Not too happy at the moment. im feeling like im being taken advantage of and not getting back. it also sucks not being a priority. but thats a different post.
jphcbpa Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 im dating someone who has 3 kids. I see her 1-2 times a week but truthfully want more. 3 times would be nice. I have to ask to come see her at times. dating someone who has kids is crap. otoh, women I dated who had no kids or older kids that were out of the house wasnt better because they were too clingy and wanted to see each other 4-5 times a week and thats too much. I would like to find someone who can invest like me, isnt too clingy, can make me priority like I make them. you need to find a balance. Not too happy at the moment. im feeling like im being taken advantage of and not getting back. it also sucks not being a priority. but thats a different post. not to highjack the thread, but do you have kids?
Author aloneinaz Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 im dating someone who has 3 kids. I see her 1-2 times a week but truthfully want more. 3 times would be nice. I have to ask to come see her at times. dating someone who has kids is crap. otoh, women I dated who had no kids or older kids that were out of the house wasnt better because they were too clingy and wanted to see each other 4-5 times a week and thats too much. I would like to find someone who can invest like me, isnt too clingy, can make me priority like I make them. you need to find a balance. Not too happy at the moment. im feeling like im being taken advantage of and not getting back. it also sucks not being a priority. but thats a different post. My man, we are in similar camps. Thats how I feel at times as well. We're a new couple getting to know each other. We need to keep some momentum going here vs. this have a great night together and then not see each other for more than 30 minutes the next 4 days.. She knows she needs to find balance in her life to make me, her kids and work happy. I'm just TERRIBLY impatient and want to see her for a couple of hours at least every couple of days. I was chatting with my Mom. She was divorced as well. She reminded me that she only saw her boyfriend (now husband) 1 day during the work week. As most of stated here, 2-3 days a week would be normal. We will see how this plays out and I know I need to be cool about it if not, I'll blow it. This unless, she makes no time for me then I'll end it and find someone more free w/their time.
Babygirl40 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I am dating someone or i think i am i have not seen in,two weekbut,now when i see he give me excuses why he cant see like he claim he wrks all the time i do not believe itext him and told him,how i feel i,ask him to tell me if you seeing someone no responds i am going leave him,alone
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