brandon26003 Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 About 3 months ago I ended a 1 year relationship. I am 33 and she is 31. Her feelings were a lot stronger for me than mine were for her. When things ended, it ended badly. She called me every name in the book and flat out insulted me. I'm the person that you can say anything to, but if you insult me, it infuriates me. A few days ago she texted me saying that she had gone away with her new boyfriend and that she lost her one pair of glasses. She said that her prescription is very expensive and said that she had left a pair at my house. She wants me to mail her that glasses because she lives 2 hours away. I am torn. I never had feelings of love for her. I am not a jealous person, but if someone tries to make me jealous, it makes me angry. She had insulted me and tried to make me jealous by telling me that she has a new boyfriend and wants me to do a favor for her by coming out of my pocket to mail them back to her? Simple question. Should I mail the glasses back or not?
Philosoraptor Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Yes, you should. Don't let your emotions stop you from doing the right thing. They are her property and you should send them to her. If you want to ask for postage, you can. But doing the right thing is doing the right thing.
clia Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 Of course you should mail the glasses back. You should also mail back anything else you have of hers. The real question is why you didn't return her things after you broke up with her.
Author brandon26003 Posted July 25, 2013 Author Posted July 25, 2013 I actually didn't notice the glasses until 3 weeks ago. She had them in a drawer that I never use. I'm more than likely going to send them back to her, but the real question is, if they are so expensive, why did she wait 3 months when she knew they were here?
chrisftw Posted July 25, 2013 Posted July 25, 2013 I actually didn't notice the glasses until 3 weeks ago. She had them in a drawer that I never use. I'm more than likely going to send them back to her, but the real question is, if they are so expensive, why did she wait 3 months when she knew they were here? you answered your own question in your original post.. she said she lost her glasses and probably realized at that point you had the other pair.
Sanman Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Yes, return them. If you don't want to pay for postage, tell her to come get them. Don't be petty, but you don't need to be generous either if you do not want to do so.
tbf Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 This thread makes me shake my head a little. Older guy dates a 21 year old.He wasn't invested in her.He broke up with her.He's upset there was drama during break up.She loses her primary pair of glasses and asks him to mail her the alternate pair.He wonders why she wants them back three months later. All the clues are there for everything, including why drama happened and why she wants her glasses back.
Radu Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Yes, you should send them ... but make her pay for the mailing. 2
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 About 3 months ago I ended a 1 year relationship. I am 33 and she is 31. Her feelings were a lot stronger for me than mine were for her. When things ended, it ended badly. She called me every name in the book and flat out insulted me. I'm the person that you can say anything to, but if you insult me, it infuriates me. A few days ago she texted me saying that she had gone away with her new boyfriend and that she lost her one pair of glasses. She said that her prescription is very expensive and said that she had left a pair at my house. She wants me to mail her that glasses because she lives 2 hours away. I am torn. I never had feelings of love for her. I am not a jealous person, but if someone tries to make me jealous, it makes me angry. She had insulted me and tried to make me jealous by telling me that she has a new boyfriend and wants me to do a favor for her by coming out of my pocket to mail them back to her? Simple question. Should I mail the glasses back or not? Tell her to send you the money and you'll send the glasses back.
tbf Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Unless you want to escalate drama, don't ask for money, just mail them back to her. Even better, courier them so she has no more excuses to contact.
Dread Pirate Roberts Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 This thread makes me shake my head a little. Older guy dates a 21 year old.He wasn't invested in her.He broke up with her.He's upset there was drama during break up.She loses her primary pair of glasses and asks him to mail her the alternate pair.He wonders why she wants them back three months later. All the clues are there for everything, including why drama happened and why she wants her glasses back. She's 31, not 21 1
tbf Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 She's 31, not 21You're right. I totally misread her age. Either way, just send her the glasses free of charge.
Radu Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 This thread makes me shake my head a little. Older guy dates a 21 year old.He wasn't invested in her.He broke up with her.He's upset there was drama during break up.She loses her primary pair of glasses and asks him to mail her the alternate pair.He wonders why she wants them back three months later. All the clues are there for everything, including why drama happened and why she wants her glasses back. She is 31, not 21 ... He was invested in her, he wasn't as invested in her as she was in him ... He wasn't upset there was drama during the break up, he was upset at the insults lobbied during the break up ... He doesn't wonder why she wants them back, he wonders weather or not he should send them ... 1
Radu Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Yes, you should send them ... but make her pay for the mailing. To add, most mailing companies have the option for the receiver to pay something for delivery, just put the ammount of money that was required to send the package. Send her a text right after, so that she doesn't get surprised by this when picking it up.
carhill Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 Since the glasses are supposedly expensive (I can relate since my last pair cost around 500), request she send (Paypal works great) the money for insured and tracked shipping and, once received, ship the glasses to her. Alternatively, ship them COD. Keep it business-like. People begin and end relationships all the time and most move on to other relationships. Normal human behavior. If she wants the glasses, she'll spend the money. Good luck. 2
tbf Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 To add, most mailing companies have the option for the receiver to pay something for delivery, just put the ammount of money that was required to send the package. Send her a text right after, so that she doesn't get surprised by this when picking it up.I'm going to keep pushing the no charge point. It's pennies compared to escalation of more drama and insults. It's childish to charge, to get a little blood back.
carhill Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I disagree. It's business. Keeping at the non-emotional level prevents escalation and drama. Simple 'XXX and the glasses are on their way', then silence sandwich. I dealt with a bunch of this stuff with exW, a whole household full of it. Business-like and cold rules the day. Who did I learn it from? Her. Gift.
tbf Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 That's not business, carhill. You were punishing her through an attempt to gain the upper hand. Your wife isn't this woman and your situation isn't this one. 1
carhill Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 It's really simple. She wants something and it has a price. The principle is the same. If she wants it bad enough, she'll pay the price. The price is an accurate reflection of the market value of the service, with no charge for the time and effort taken by the shipper. Hence, she's getting her item back and has extracted effort from the shipper at no cost to her. Just because I share where I learn a lesson is not an invitation to discuss my former spouse or marriage. Thanks. 2
Radu Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 I'm going to keep pushing the no charge point. It's pennies compared to escalation of more drama and insults. It's childish to charge, to get a little blood back. It's not about drama, and it's not about getting some blood back for me. For me it's like carhil said, strictly business. There is no more relationship, it's her glasses so why should he pay for the delivery [which won't be peanuts]. I would count the money spent sending this away even if still in a relationship. Obviously you don't need to be an*l about it, but you need to respect your own money, coming from your own work ... if you won't, who will ?
Radu Posted July 26, 2013 Posted July 26, 2013 (edited) Also, since weather or not we can empathise with the situation adds validity to our opinions, i wear glasses too. My last pair which were +1/-1 were around 120 euros, and i went with the discount and the cheap pair on that one. That's not business, carhill. You were punishing her through an attempt to gain the upper hand. Your wife isn't this woman and your situation isn't this one. Ad-hominem attacks are not cool. If a rating would be made of the most neutral individuals on this forum, carhil would stand out above everyone with very few sharing that spot. I really wish i was as neutral as he is. I won't comment on your level of neutrality, i said it before ... but i don't think it registered. The ad-hominem pretty much says it all. Edited July 26, 2013 by Radu 1
veggirl Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 tbh given her dramatics and attempt to make you jealous (I think that's what the "I was on vaca with my NEW boyfriend" was) I totally agree with keeping it as business-like as possible--I'd go with Carhill's suggestion, for sure. Just say " I do have your glasses, looks like it is $X to post and insure, I'll get them straight to you once $X has been paypal-ed to my account. I'll forward you the email confirmation once they have been put in the post"
tbf Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 Also, since weather or not we can empathise with the situation adds validity to our opinions, i wear glasses too. My last pair which were +1/-1 were around 120 euros, and i went with the discount and the cheap pair on that one.Empathy has nothing to do with my advice. It has to do with an OP who complained about drama but people are telling him to agitate for more drama by nickel and diming her. Had the genders been reversed, my response would be the same. Let sleeping dogs lie if you want an end to this. Agitate for more drama and you'll get it, especially since she insulted him when they broke up. Ad-hominem attacks are not cool. If a rating would be made of the most neutral individuals on this forum, carhil would stand out above everyone with very few sharing that spot. I really wish i was as neutral as he is. I won't comment on your level of neutrality, i said it before ... but i don't think it registered. The ad-hominem pretty much says it all.This would be an ad-hom on me. If you have a problem with ad-homs, practice what you preach. Otherwise, that's called hypocrisy in the worst way. My discussion of carhill had to do with him bringing this wife and marriage into the thread, as evidence of "how it works". I could have dragged a lot of other aspects of his situation into the thread but chose not to, since he didn't bring them into the thread. If anything, I wasn't attacking carhill. I challenged his position and advice.
Art_Critic Posted July 27, 2013 Posted July 27, 2013 You should break the glasses and film yourself doing it. Then post it on Facebook and tag her in it. that would wind up putting him in court and honestly would be really childish... I'm another that says to just mail them back, or drop them somewhere if you are both local... My glasses are just under 800 so I get it...
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